Post # 1
FI has a super busy work schedule so I’m more than happy to handle planning on my own. But he also likes to give his input on certain things and I think it’s a great thing. The only issue is that he takes such a long time to chime in that I feel we fall behind. I don’t want to be a nag so I usually just ask him nicely and remind him of certain things, but it still takes longer than I would like.
As an example, I drafted the wording for our invitations and asked him if he wanted to look it over. He said of course. I emailed it to him 2 days ago and still he hasn’t reviewed it. He keeps saying he will do it, but hasn’t because random things come up. I told him today that I’d really appreciate if he could take 5 minutes and look it over because I have to submit it tomorrow. He said he would….we’ll see…..
Any advice on how to handle things like this? I mean, I don’t want to leave him out of the process but when he is involved it also takes FOREVER because of his crazy schedule and I really don’t want to harass him to get things done at X time…..
Post # 3
Why don’t you try having him give input on things without a deadline or on things which can be discussed over the phone? For instance, instead of emailing him about the invitation wording, read them to him over the phone and see which one he likes best.
I don’t think you have to place a planning ban on him, just try and get his input on things you think would be important to him and that could be answered easily.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Make it fun and try to spend at least one hour each evening together discussing wedding plans. Print off the invitation wording and sit down with him tonight to discuss the wording after he gets home. Let him know that’s the only time you’re going to discuss that particular wedding item and that you need an answer before the end of your discussion so you can stay on track with planning. These types of conversations and getting on the same page with planning are an important part of planning a wedding and set up how you and your FI will work together and/or apart during the planning process of other things (such as where to go on vacation, what house to buy, when to have a baby) once you’re married.
Post # 5
After I got frustrated w/ then-FI, we had a talk and I asked him how and what he’d like to be informed of/involved with and what didn’t matter. Maybe your SO would like a week’s notice, or maybe he doesn’t give a hoot about flowers, etc. So we talked that out, and decided that if I did the work on something (drawing up invites, researching venues, etc), I’d pass the info on to him to look at for X days (a deadline) and if he didn’t like it, he had to provide equally well thought out alternatives by X more days (an option to be involved, but not just a veto).
This way, he didn’t feel rushed, I didn’t feel lagged, and each of us got input without one of us having our hard work dismissed with no equal work put in. I’d just say chat about it, explain why it stresses you, ask about what would help him be more involved, and then make a game plan. 🙂
Post # 6
I know the feeling all too well. I gave him a pretty short summer to do list (5 things) and he said he was excited to do them. So far I’ve done 2 of them and he has done none (I had my own list of about 7 items thAt I’m halfway done with). He’s busy with work through next week, but I told him after that he’s gotta get to work. There all things he wants to do. I ask him occasionally if he cares about things like flowers, stds, etc. If he does, I send him what I’ve done but on most things like flowers I’m on my own.
Make sure you’re very specific about what and when you want things done by. And make sure there things he cares about. If he doesn’t give a hoot, just do it yourself. Sadly, I’ve got nothing more to offer but sympathy.
Post # 7
Do you and FI live apart that you had to send it to him in an e-mail?
I would include him on things, but make your deadline clear and say if he doesn’t give you response by such and such date you will have no choice but to go ahead with the decision.
Tai what I did, and I gave him the list of everything I had to do and by what time (from the Knot) and told him to mark off what wasn’t important or could take care of itself. He got very stressed and unnderstood the importance of a deadline then.
Post # 8
@megz06: Yes, we live apart and due to his work schedule we only see each other 2 times a week. So email really is the best option for things like reviewing wording on an invite.
Post # 9
Can you call him and ask how it sounds? Be firm that you need an answer
Post # 10
@violet25: oh i know how you feel!! fi said he felt strongly about photographers, so i sent him a shortlist – website links, summary of prices and packages etc….4 weeks later and he hadnt even glanced at it (and i know hes not *that* busy since i live with the man and see him playing ps3 for hours). and same for the bilingual priest that we needed to get in contact with…multiple reminders got me nowhere and made me feel like i was nagging
not giving a deadline doesnt work (as in “look at it when you have time”), and neither does giving a deadline. talking about it in person doesnt work necessarily (“oh i have to read the info first!”).
i actually ended up giving up on waiting for his opinion in terms of the photographer..and said that i was choosing Mr X and he can read about it in the latest email. and he said he was happy enough with that. we’ve now agreed he wants an opinion on food, dirnk, his suit and the music….but decor, flowers, invites he doesnt care about. so now ill show them to him just before i decide, and he says fine!