Post # 1
I’ve been thinking about this for a while, 1.5 months to be exact. I can’t decide whether I should or should not include in FSIL (future sister in-law, is that right?) in our wedding party. FH and were are both on the fence about it. We don’t want to hurt her feelings by not including her, but if we did, I’m not looking forward to having to deal with her. First off, everything about her bugs me, probably because she is my complete opposite. Sometimes i wonder how my FH is related to her also! She acts as if everyone ought to be catering her at every turn. And when that doesn’t happen, she acts as if we’ve insulted her something serious!
She used to live about 10 minutes away from us and would invite herself over our, house to have a party because her house is dirty and she is too lazy to clean it. When we do actually invite her for a family event, she doesn’t show up, and sends her husband in her place (we are told she’s at home taking a nap). Since She moved away, FH and I don’t have to deal with her much anymore. But when we do hear from her it’s like this, “Hey, I’m on the road on the way there to do “reason” and I need a place to stay, can I come to your house?”. Now, I’m not one to turn family away when they need a bed to sleep on for a few days but I just find it really rude that we only hear from her when she needs something.
FF to the most recent incident: She drove down to our area and went to stay at my FH’s Aunt. She has stayed there the last couple of times because FH and I decided to just ignore her calls for a while. FH’s Aunt is one of the nicest people you will ever meet, but FSIL must have done something to Piss Off FH’s Aunt because FSIL called me the following day asking to stay at our house. I said, “OK but I have a lot of homework and a quiz to finish for school. Just come over and help yourself to whatever you need”. Calls me back 10 min later and asks, “What are you going to cook for dinner?”…????wth!!!? When she finally got here, she then had the nerve to act annoyed with me because was choosing to do my HW instead of catering to her….She literally had her hands on her hips and was mouthing off at me! IN MY OWN HOUSE! And then proceeded to insult my ethnicity the following day, “You know, you don’t act like other “insert ethnicity”.
I am thinking for just putting my foot down and telling FH that I don’t want her anywhere near my wedding planing. Is that mean and selfish?!!
Post # 3
Oh my gosh are you kidding me?! This girl is out of control!!! When you first mentioned things she was doing, I thought she was like some younger teenager type girl. She’s married?! Are you serious?! You need to tell this girl to grow up and by all means, do not include her in your wedding party otherwise you will have nothing but drama to deal with!
Post # 4
In this case, I wouldn’t include her. You don’t need that kind of drama on your wedding day.
Post # 5
I didn’t invite my oldest sister to my wedding, let alone ask her to be a member of the bridal party. Your FSIL sounds like she’d make you miserable if she were at all involved – do not ask her.
Post # 6
I’m with bakerella! Don’t include her! The stress is definitely not worth it. If you must, include her on the day-of, and let her do a reading or something.
Post # 7
Oh my gosh! You don’t need that negative energy anywhere NEAR you on your wedding day. Truthfully, she’s probably jealous that as the new daughter in the family, you’re getting more attention, but she has no right to take it out on you. Keep your distance until the wedding festivities are done.
Post # 8
Do not include her….weddings have enough of their own stressors and your bridesmaids are supposed to help you with the stresses, not create new ones.
You are not being mean or selfish at all!
Just be prepared to have your FH back you up 100% on this. You both need to present a united front.
Post # 9
Yes, she is married. I think she is almost 40 yrs old and has 5 kids that act exactly like her.
FH has several times in the past ask me to be more patient with her because she’s had a hard life (i think she was abused as a teenager), but my goodness, she makes it really hard to do. I’ve told FH that I am sorry about her struggles but that should not be an excuse to act like she does. We all have choices.
Post # 10
Normally, I would say include her, but given these antics I say no way. She’ll be lucky to get an invite. Gosh what a piece of work.
Post # 11
Can you not include her in the wedding party and say she should focus on her kids? I know my ring bearer’s mom thought she was going to be in my wedding . . . but she’d have been a bridesmaid-zilla. She was great as the ring bearer’s mom. This way she was still somewhat involved and could focus on her son. Perhaps one of the kids could be in the wedding instead?
Post # 12
absolutely not. there is NOTHING anywhere that says just because a man has a sister (or a woman for that matter) – that the sister has to be in their wedding. i wasn’t a part of my brothers (although I did do the videography – my college degree was in tv production)…and my husband’s sister is the drama queen in the family – couldn’t even make it TO our wedding. so nope. you do NOT need to include her at all.
Post # 13
99% of the time, I think siblings should be included in some way. This is the 1% where I would say, No way!! If she talks that way to you now, and your FH is on the same page as you (since he also ignored her calls), she would be an absolute nightmare to deal with as a BM! Has your FH ever sat her down and talked to her?
Post # 14
I have a similar problem with one of my two FSILs. We’ve decided to have her not be in the wedding party. We will ask her to do a reading instead (along with the other FSIL, with whom I have no issues whatsoever). I have plenty of great friends and a wonderful sister of my own who have been loving and loyal to me for a long time and who have been 100% supportive of our upcoming marriage. Those are the people I want around me on my big day. You should choose the people who love and support you to stand by you on your wedding day.
Although I agree with NYE Gal’s comment that it’s very important that you and your fiance be completely in agreement about this. Whatever decision you make be a joint decision. Best of luck!
Post # 15
@PinkPinstripes: FH has not but I believe FFIL has because this is what FSIL had to say in her facebook status: To my dear brother I say… I have three gears… On… Off… And who gives a “bleep”
meaning she’s either calm or pissed and obviously she doesn’t give a “bleep”
Post # 16
Ok Bees,….one more question on this. FH and I just discussed this. We don’t want her to do anything at all, because she has the knack to change something so simple to a big thing. So we are thinking of giving her and the rest of the Aunts a corsage or something so that she won’t feel completely left out. Will that be to insulting?