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I would put her as a junior bridesmaid. 12 is too old for a flower girl I think and a great age for a junior bridesmaid. The ring bearer is for a boy not girls. Again my opinion.
Second the junior bridesmaid suggestion! When I was seventeen, I was the maid of honor in my aunt's wedding - her eight year old daughter was the junior bridesmaid. :)
Thirding the junior bridesmaid! My niece will be 12 at the time of our wedding and that will be her role :)
I also think that 12 is to old for a flower girl. I think Jr. Bridesmaid would be a could role for her. As far as the ring bearer, yes that is typically a boy role; however, she could still be the "keeper of the rings"; maybe that would be a better title for her role in that. There is also nothing that says she can't be both the Jr. Bridesmaid and the "keeper of the rings".
Personally (and I know this may not work for you) I would have an adult MOH/Bridesmaid (for the signing as a witness of the marriage license) and the 12 year old. If you WANT to put a label on it, I would say "Jr. Bridesmaid" ... she can carry a bouquet made up of half of the amount of the adult bdmds. I also totally agree with the PP about her being both a bridemaid & the bearer of the rings.
I think that if all of your other sisters will be bridesmaids that it would be fine to have her have the title of bridesmaid or junior bridesmaid. (Since she's 10 now, you might not tell her that you are giving her that title yet... just in case your plans change and you decide to wed earlier... I think 10 is too young for her to be a full bridesmaid, and her role as a member of the wedding party will obviously be limited... She'll be able to go to showers and special pre wedding teas, etc. But she'll be a little too young to be a contributing shower giver or a hen night planner! But she would probably enjoy being a part of a spa day or a shopping event.
and, oh, to avoid the drama of having to pick one sister over the other, just don't - ask a friend instead.
The bearer of rings is a great idea for her. The rings are the most signifigant part of the bridal party since it stands for the eternal union between the couple. It was suggested to me for my will be 14 year old daughter. She will be my MOH instead.
OP said a role OTHER than a jr. bridesmaid, and she doesn't have any sisters as BM's.
I would say bearer of rings is a great idea, or if you have candles you can have her light the candles before the ceremony, or simply have her help by being a guestbook attendent or let her hand out bubbles/favors. There are lots of ways for her to feel included, I think.
In my family, we also use young females who aren't bridesmaids as "guestbook attendants." Not sure if you're having a secular ceremony or not, but she could also be a scripture or poem reader. Just some suggestions! Good luck with the planning - I know how tough it is to arrange a role for all of your family members :)
My 15 year old stepsister will be my flower maid. She will have the same dress as the bridesmaids and just toss the petals. I gave her the option of doing that or being a hostess and she preferred to do that. As long as you dont try to make her look like a little girl, i dont think there is a problem with having an older flower girl. But i guess im just untraditional like that :)
I don't understand the role of "Jr. Bridesmaid" so, I'm glad you chose against that. I think she can hand out programs as people walk into the church. And she can also be in charge of the guestbook. OR it would be cool for her to cut the cake. My FIL's are caterers and they say for all the wedding they cater, the bride has a good friend cut the cake. FMIL teaches the person how to cut it, and then the person does it herself/himself. That would be a great role for her :)
@bananarama:I think I like the idea of "Bearer of Rings" It's a pretty important task. I don't quite like the idea of calling her a J.r Bridesmaid considering that there will be no other bridesmaids at all.
My wedding will be destination, on the beach so there won't be any candles to light either. I want it to be simple and intimate but she is desperate to be included.
My sisters and I were in my Mom's wedding when she remarried 17 something years ago and we were all given different roles, one of my sisters was 3 so she was a flower girl, the other was 5 and she was a bell ringer...still think it was made up, but she walked down the isle ringing a bell to call attention before the bride came out.
Thanks for everyone's opinions. Sorry I wasn't so clear on the part about there not being ANY bridesmaids at all.
@mzlouis2b: Oh no,I do not plan to make her look childish, that's pretty much how this thread got started. I am keeping her age in mind while deciding on the best task to assign her, as well as what her attire will be.
I know she wants to walk down the isle or be part of the ceremony in some way. I do like the idea of making her responsible for the rings and I like the term flower maid, doesn't sound as juvinile. She is quite small for her age as well so she is not at all a mature looking 11.
I think having her do a reading or a poem would be a great way to make her feel included.
I go for the bubble/program giver-outer (is that even a word??? lol). There are 10 nieces and nephews between my FI & I who are all under 12 years old. We had a few of them originally as flower girls/ring bearer, but then were "stuck" with the 6 "tweens". We decided that since there are only 2 BM and 2 GM, that the 3 boys will serves as ushers and the 3 girls will give out programs and bubbles. It was very important for us to include as many of the little kids in the family as we can, since it is a 2nd wedding for both of us. There are 4 other nieces/nephews that are all over the age of 15, but we did not try to include them, as they are old enough to understand.
Good luck!
Keeper of the rings would be cute... I saw on Martha Stewart's website, that, instead of a pillow, it was a book, with a secret compartment cut out for the rings.
Flower Maid might work for her, if that's what she'd like, but that may be too old.
If you don't have any ushers, she could be a "hostess" or "seating attendant".
@jippyskippy: I just posted this in another thread of a similar topic, but I wanted to offer my solution to a similar problem. We made up the role of "book bearer" for my fiance's cousin, because she will be ten and I didn't want to have junior bridesmaids. She seemed too old for a flower girl to me too, especially since my cousin who will be a flower girl is 7. As a book bearer, FI's cousin will carry the books for the readings down the aisle right before or right after the flower girl/ring bearer walk down. We will pick out a dress for her to wear in the wedding colors, I'll give her a gift, and she'll have a little bouquet or corsage or something, all as part of the wedding party. She's very excited about it, and unaware I think that we made up this job. It makes her feel special and we wanted her to be included, so it works out well.
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So I am the eldest of 4 girls. My youngest sister is 15 years younger then me. The rest of us are about 2-3yrs from each other age wise.
Due to having so many sisters as well as my fiance having one I have made the wise decision of choosing to NOT have any bridesmaids. If you knew all of these girls you would understand, it just wouldn't play out nicely.
Anyway-The baby was 10 when I got engaged and will be 12 on my wedding day. She has never been to a wedding let alone been in one and it would just kill her to not be able to participate. I had originally planned on making her a flower girl but considering she will no longer be 10.... is 12 too old? Are there even age restricitions on flower girl?
Is there another way she can be apart of the ceremony aside from a flower girl or a Jr. Bridesmaid?
The rest of my sisters have participated in a wedding in some shape or form and won't be missing out but it means a lot to the baby to be apart of my big day. I don't want her to feel silly doing a job usually reserved for 4yr olds. She seems content with it now but anything can happen over the next 9 months-you know what middle school and preteen was like.
The only other duty I have thought about giving her would maybe be ring bearer-I have ceratinly seen it done by girls before, sometimes the best man and it is surely an important task.
I am looking for unique suggestions, just some way to incorporate my youngest sister in the ceremony-if it helps-I am having an outdoor destination beach wedding.
Thanks in advance for any help, suggestions and feedback!