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Now, I'm not trying to offend anyone here at all. Just hoping to get some thoughts from the Hive.
My 'friend' posted on facebook that she is engaged (to a guy who's cheated on her twice -.-) and she is only 17. She dropped out of high school and dropped out of her GED classes. She quit her job at a taco place. And she wants to get married?! 0.o
It's not just promising themselves to each other. They are fully engaged and planning a wedding. There was no ring though.
I guess I just wonder if it's weird to be engaged when you aren't a legal adult yet?
most definately.
shes still a baby. has ALOT of growing up to do.
I say put it on hold, go explore the world around ya, and dont settle.
Would she happen to be pregnant?
Some women are ready at 17 but most will tell you that who they were at 17 are totally different than who they are at lets say 25. Not that its all changes that prevent you from continuing with your mate but just in a sense of who you are and what you desire.
Alot can be based off or culture and religion too. I know 100 years ago In the U.S it would be normal, but today-not so much.
I hate making blanket statements about age since development varies from person to person. However, I think most agree that there is a tremendous amount of identity development that happens in to late teens to early twenties and decisions made in that period aren't always the ones that would be made a little later in life.
I generally don't like ageism when it comes to engagement, my parents met as teenagers and 30something years later they are still going strong.
But I don't understand the need to rush into this, in her particular situation. I wouldn't be rushing to marry someone who has cheated on me twice.
I should add that the person that I considered "the one" from 16-18 is 100% opposite the person who fulfills and excites me today. Sometimes thinking of that guy from my teens makes me laugh, but most of the time the memories make me cringe.
We are from the country, so its not uncommon at all here. But I can understand how someone would find this weird or even silly! If my 16 year old sister told me she was engaged I would think, HUH? You are kidding me??
My husband & I was together for 4 years (actually 4 days shy of 4 years) when we got married. We did things, vacations, weekend get-a-ways, ect. & Enjoyed lots of things before getting married, getting bills, ect. Now we are married, have our home & love life! We will do all of the things we would have done had we not got married, only now we are doing them together! My husband does not hold me back from anything nor I him. We push each other to do our best in life!
@Eva Peron: Yeah, like the gypsy travelers get married at 17 but I know a lot of people think there's something wrong with that.
Edit: That's true, she could be pregnant.
@mink: I agree about the blanket statements thing. I am almost 20 but got married a month ago. I just wonder about it being under the legal age to get married and not really being an adult, or living life. I dunno. Just looking for thoughts.
KatyElle: Haha, um I guess basically I would say the same thing to you as I said to @mink. :P
@Mrs.Estep: That's great! I am close to your age and happy to be married.
@ThePrincessMaggie: Aw, yea! I was 18 when we (husband & I) got our own place & 19 when we got married.
This situation sounds like a mess 
. Is she planning to be a housewife or stay at home mom if they have kids? Does he have an education or a job? I don't think everyone needs to go to college to get the right job for them, but she just quit her job and quit school. Staying at home is fine if you have someone who can financially support you, can he? Her life isn't the life I'd choose for myself.
ETA does she know he's cheated on her? She may not know, or, she knows and they've moved past it? More power to her if she's all that forgiving.
Judging her situation...SHE sounds too young to be engaged.
I got engaged young as well (18) but I've also had a lot of life experiences.
@ThePrincessMaggie: I guess I don't see a huge difference in general between 17 and 19. You're still right out of high school, not legal to drink yet, socially it's kind of the same realm, you're just 1 year past the legal age to marry instead of a year short of it. I don't really consider a person a full adult until age 25 because medically we know that is the age when our brain is done developing. Life experience is a completely individual thing, some people grew up as world travelers with a full passport by age 13, some have never traveled out of state but they could totally be ready for marriage.
It completely depends on the individual's emotional maturity and the level of relationship health, neither of which this person seems to have under control.
@Mrs.Estep: I was 19 (well still am :P) when we got married too! Age twins?
@jumpthegun: Not sure about her future plans now. Pretty sure he is still just taking high school classes.
I think it depends on the person. A friend of mine married a week after graduating high school, they are still married and seem happy. I know that I've changed a lot from the age of 17 to now at 25 and what I wanted then wouldn't have been what I have now.
@KatyElle: I guess I feel like there is a difference between a high school girl and a college girl, but I agree with you on the situation. Emotional maturity is an important factor.
I personally think that 17 is very young, but who am I to judge? I do know that for me, had I been engaged and married the person I was in love with when I was 17, we wouldn't have made it. However - I AM still dating the man I was in love with when I was 17, but we split for several months. Had that split not happened because we were married, I don't know if we would've made it to where we are today.
@sleepingbeauty88: That's an interesting story! I wish you all the best!
@ThePrincessMaggie: I probably felt the same way too once I graduated from high school but looking back now 10 years out when I went to college, it's still worlds away from where I am now. I still had the mentality of a high schooler, I was just a year older and living in a dorm instead of at home with my parents. And I had access to alcohol and more parties. I'm totally not saying anything about your personal marriage, I got married when I was 23, had a baby at 24 and I still had a lot of growing up to do despite being in a very adult situation. I got lucky and selected a partner who grows with me as I mature, as I'm sure you have. And someone who didn't cheat on me. Age wise, it could have been a disaster, but it wasn't and it's probably because we didn't have the chips so stacked against us right from the get-go as your friend seems to.
So comparatively speaking, age wise no I do not see a significant difference between age 17 and 19 even if one is legal and one is not, but the individual situations seem to be quite different.
My cousin was 18 when she got engaged, and her FI didn't go to harvard so they could go to the same college. They ended up breaking up during their first semester, and she started dating someone else a week later. They eventually broke up, and she dropped out of school. She spent a few months doing a crappy retail job, and now is finally realizing what it means to be an adult and is looking to go back to school....
I can't say that all 17 year old aren't ready to get married....but I believe 99% of them aren't. Hopefully your friends will push for a long engagement, and if things are not meant to be time will take its course before they tie the knot.
I think 17 is too young. I was engaged at 17 and absolutely sure he was 'the one.' Thankfully, he broke it off, and I'm now engaged to the man I am actually meant to be with. Too young, too young. It works for some, but...not many.
Considering infidelity and money problems are the biggest reasons for divorce, I don't think her age should be her biggest concern when thinking about getting married. Even if she was 30, she'd probably be in for a rough ride.
I know I grew so much through college-- I'm only 23 now (almost 24) and still think I'll look back on these days and think I was growing and changing.
Yeah, it's probably too young, but her age isn't the threat to this relationship.
It's not about age, rather its about one's level of maturity.
Also I think sociocultural factors play a huge role in the whether one is "too young" to get married. In the US, I'd say its pretty young. In other countries (such as eastern ones), its the norm, and most girls are ready by that age to get married because that's how they were raised.
In general, I consider 17 way too young (it works great for the rare couple) because you don't even know who you are yet. (I am guessing that someone will argue this, but trust me, around age 26 you WILL look back and think "wow, I am just now figuring out who I am"). If they get married young and grow up together and share the same commitment they can make it work. Knowing what I know now, at the ripe old age of 32, I would be highly skeptical of the decision to get married at that age. It is simply that at that age you don't even know what you don't know yet.
Hmmm, well I'm 25 now and I'm actually in a relationship and plan on marrying the person I had a crush on when I was 17, lol. But I know that if we had gotten together then instead of when we were 21/22 we NEVER would have made it. We both grew a LOT in the years in between highschool and now. Same two people, but TOTALLY DIFFERENT two people at the same time you know?
It works for some people but I don't think that gettting engaged at 17 works enough for me to want to take the risk on it. Especially being, a high school drop-out, jobless and with a person that cheated on her TWICE.
I was engaged at 17, and married two months after I turned 18. My marriage was miserable and ended in a nasty divorce. At 15-17 (while we were dating) I wasnt thinking clearly enough to consider what marriage to that man would truly be like. I allowed myself to be pressred into it, without properly thinking it through. Now I'm 20 years old and divorced. Its not that it cant work, its just that its more difficult than necessary.
I've only been engaged once with an ex, he proposed with no ring, I was dumb enough to say yes and it ended with him never getting me a ring and leaving me for a teenager, weeks before our wedding. Thankfully I have my SO now and happier than I could ever be.
Yeah, I'm married to the person I was dating at 17 (we married at 21), and I hate judging people on age. Sounds to me like being 17 is the least of her problems - I wouldn't encourage a 30 year old who "knows herself" to marry a man who has cheated on her twice while she's not holding a job or completing her education. That's just a poor situation to start a successful marriage at any age.
Much too young, imo. She's still a child who has her whole life ahead of her to make such a big commitment. Regardless of age, her situation is not ideal for someone who is getting married. I'd be surprised if they even make it down the aisle.
DH and I started dating when we were 19. We discussed marriage early on and we even considered ourselves engaged for like 10 minutes. Then we realized that jumping into marriage at that stage in our lives was a terrible idea. Nothing against those who get engaged/married as teenagers, it's just wasnt for us. There was no need to rush. If we were meant to be together, we would be when we were mature enough to really understand what the commitment of marriage means. Now, almost 7 years later we're married and we live an amazing life. I guarantee we wouldn't be together today if we had jumped into marriage back then.
I agree with others here. While I don't reallly like to judge based on age, it almost never works with people that young! Yes, there are exceptions and people who are very mature for their age. But I agree, I changed A LOT in college! My FI (age 26) and I (age 24) just got engaged after being together for 4.5 years. We were 19 (almost 20) and 21 when we started dating, and I think we've grown together over the last few years. I anticipate us continuing to grow as people together in our lives. That said, if we had gotten engaged at 19/21, I'm not sure we would have made it! I'm glad we've waited until we were ready! AND until we were both on track to our careers.
It sounds like she is in no position to be starting a life with someone! She needs a job to be able to suppot herself! I'm assuming at age 17 (if he's also the same age) that he doesn't quite have a job to support a family on! And the cheating... I agree with PPs, if she was 30 she'd still be having issues!
Kids do stuff like that all the time. I agree with PPs that it's not about age so much as maturity. Your "friend" sounds like being "engaged too young" is the least of her problems right now.
When I look at someone like Mrs. Estep, I realize that sometimes it does work out absolutely perfectly and it's meant to be. Most of the time, however, when I hear that a kid is engaged in your friend's kind of circumstances, I don't put much stock into it and assume that it won't work out. Sorry if that makes me an agist jerk!
FI and I met when we were 17. We will be married later this year at the age of 21. Some may consider this too young, but I think it depends upon the person. I have my Bachelors degree, and FI has a ful time job with his famlys company. We have been living together for the past year, and have always been on the same page.
Yes, way too young. Especially with the way people get divorced so easily. If I would have married the guy who proposed to me when I was 18, I know for a fact that I would be divorced by now. My judgment was clouded by his charm, and the magic only went away when I found out he cheated with his best friend's gf. I've also grown so much since then, its actually pretty shocking. I've been with my husband since I was 20, but we still didn't get married until almost my 26th birthday. We realized that we were able to grow together, and not apart, and almost 8 years later we are stronger than ever.
My feeling is, getting engaged young is one thing. But why not wait a few years to get married? Just makes no sense to rush into marriage, especially if you want it to last a long time
Im not going to judge based on Age.. because yea theyre engaged at 17 but who knows when theyre really gonna tie the knot.. Maybe when theyre 18/19 which is " normal" really. Its more of her condition.. To me based on what you explained that seems REALLY rushy. quitting her job, leaving school, etc- thats irrational in my opinion.. and who knows whats really going on... Mayb theyre just fools in love thinking this would be so romantic.. which isnt really rational though.. anyway Maybe you can talk to her and see what she says, maybe she has a good story.
also im going to add that at 17, you are pretty young and your still tryign to make wise desisions in your life. Im now 23, and from the time I was 17 till now, ive liked about 3-4 different guys. Unless she is 100% sure that this man is the man she wants to spend her whole life with , then I dont think its a great idea.
All I know is at 17 if I married the guy I was dating, I would either be a) divorced or b) extremely unhappy. I'm not even sure it would have mattered which guy I was dating. I did alot of growing up from 17-23(the age I am now). And every year I get more and more mature ( who woulda thunk?!).
Well I have been with my BF since I was 16 (will be 8 years in March) and we arent engaged yet. I wonder what life would have been like if we did get engaged back then? When I read about 17 year olds getting engaged at first I'm like WHAT but who knows how their relationship is. Maybe it will work out maybe it wont. But really no matter what age I think that is the case.
I don't think being engaged at that age is ALWAYS a bad idea, but in this case that relationship is a mess. Hopefully they're planning a LONG engagement and she'll realize this is a bad idea before it's too late.
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