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Initially I thought it was too many girls but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense? See my SO has three sisters that he wants to incorporate in the wedding, and I have a sister as well. Which already gives me 4, then my best friend which will be my MaidOH, and then my MatronOH which is my sister-in-law/good friend.
Then I have 3 other really good friends that have been in my life for what seems like forever and it just feels right having them be a part our day. I see them, and talk to them less often then my of two girlfriends. But definitely more than I talk to my SO sisters. I'm so torn.
We are planning on having 100-125 guests. Is 9 too many bridesmaids?
way too many...
consider logistics... you have to get them in a dress (goodluck with that- review posts about nasty BM who refuse, fight, ignore brides for vaious reasons). getting them together at any point in time, the more there is the harder it is. the consider cost: they all get gifts... that's expensive if you ask me.
Do what you want. I've been in bridal parties of that many. Just remember you will have to buy gifts for all the girls, which can be expensive and it's a lot of people to coordinate. I personally didn't want that many people around me prior to getting married but if you want all those people there have them!
I just went to 2 wedding with 110 guests and both had 9 bm gm. It looked fine. Both had ceremonies in big churches. Maybe that has something to do with it looking like "too many" I am having 9 bm gm and guest list is at 228
Yeah 9 for a wedding of 120 is way too many. Would your man have 9 guys as well? That means 20% of your guest list is your wedding party. WAY too many.
Since your FI wants his sister "incorporated" why not make them readers or let them organize the rehearsal dinner or just SOMETHING else? 9 is way too many in my opinion.
We're having 100 guests, and we're each having 2. So including us, our bridal party is 6 people, or approx 5% of the wedding total.
Also, I would hold off on asking until like maybe January. And also until you have a solid plan, and you've had that solid plan in place for like a month, incase you change your mind. You don't want to ask all 9 of them, and then think"Ahh.... I rather would have had 4".
When 25% of the guests are in the wedding, the honor of being involved is diminished, IMO. But I can understand the difficulty in possibly hurting someone's feelings.
For me yes, that means a 20 person bridal party before you even get to flower girls/ring bearers. I'd find a way to give them other roles in the wedding.
9 is alot and guests will wonder what your intentions are. Generally, the rule of thumb is 1 attendant per 50 guests.
@stephanie210: For me, thats alot but if those are the ladies in your life that you want to be there for you on your special day, then its perfect
IMO nine people is too many to keep tabs on. This is coming from someone who had six BMs. However, there are a lot of other things that special people can do to be a part of the wedding.
I think if you are close to all of them and want them to be standing up with you then that is not to many. Go with your gut! Its your wedding!!
I think nine is a lot, but if you want them all, go ahead! I have seven for my 100 person wedding.
I've seen brides who have had two bridesmaids and brides who have had 11. What's "right" differs from girl to girl.
Just as food for thought, one of my friends was recently struggling with trying to figure out how to fit both friends and family into the wedding party without having an enormous wedding party. She ended up finding other roles of honor for the girls she had considered as BMs but just wasn't as close to anymore. These girls gave readings and had roles in the ceremony, were included in the bachelorette party and all pre-wedding events, and seemed to be happy with being a part of the bride's day.
I am having 8 bridesmaids for my 120-130 person wedding. My FMIL thinks I am NUTS and can't believe I have so many, but what difference does it make to anyone else? They take pictures with me, walk down an aisle, stand, and thats pretty much it. You should do whatever makes you happy, don't worry about rules
I feel very strongly that the girls standing with you on 'your' side should be your pics. If FI wants his sisters in the wedding party, I think they should stand on his side.
If you had 9 that you were super close to, I wouldn't think it's too many - but since you are counting the 3 sisters that you aren't close to - I think that's why it may feel like it's too many for you.
I think it's too many and would find other things for the girls to do - readings, etc. But that's just me. I'm having 4 girls and that's enough for me! It's already feeling like herding cats.
That is wayyyyy too many. I've heard the rule 1 attendant per 50 guests (not including ringbearer/flowergirl). Have the sisters do readings or toasts at the reception or usher your parents to their seats. If you have 9 per side, that's 18 people, plus you two up there. 20 people plus your officient and ringbearer/flowergirl if you have them. That's 21 adults and 2 kids. Woof. Not to mention you have to keep track of all of their dresses, finding the right fit for ALL of the girls, shoes, jewelry, hair, nails (if you go that far), gifts, PLUS your processional will take ages.
My side has my maid of honor (best friend), my sister as a bridesmaid, and a close adult friend as a flowergirl (she'll be wearing a slightly different dress). My beau's side has a best man (best friend), another friend as a groomsman, and my really close male friend as a ringbearer. Our guest list is 90.
I think it's over the top...and quite expensive! When I told my florist I was having three, she said "good girl!"
Nine is a lot but I don't think you can ever have too many bridesmaids (well, okay, maybe 20 or something would be too many). As long as they are near and dear to your heart and you want them to be up there with you then I would say go for it. I would agree with the other posters that the more people in your wedding party the harder it is to coordinate things and that many bridesmaid gifts can get expensive but if you don't mind those two factors then I say go for it. Besides, bridesmaid gifts don't have to be that expensive if you can find some good deals.
I, too, am wondering if the groom plans on having an equal number of groomsmen. There's no rule about it and he certainly doesn't have to. I'm just curious.
It's a LOT of bms! In my own experience and from seeing many friends go through this- sisters don't make the best bms unless you're super duper bff close. Sisters do it out of a sense of obligation and are thrilled like your friends are. My friends didn't get showers because their maid of honors were their sisters. And the sisters didn't help coordinate with other friends who know the bride better.
Eeks, that's like 10% of the guests standing up there with you (without considering FI's wedding party or parents)! But I have only 3 and I debated having just 1-2 for my 100-125 person wedding (FI wanted 3).
I felt strongly that if FI wanted his sister, she ought to be on his side. (He wanted same sex on our sides, so no sister for him or brother for me.) Involved in the wedding doesn't mean they need to stand up with you - they can do a reading or be involved in another way.
@PinkMagnolia: Interesting, because to me, my sister was my one guaranteed person!! Friends come and go throughout your life and you may not always be close to the same people, but sisters are forever.
I've attended a wedding with 12 bridesmaids... so in comparison 9 doesnt seem so bad, but still I personally wouldnt go over 6.
9 is definitely a lot... but it is your wedding so do what you want! Just realize other people may think it is a little over the top/ silly... but who cares its your day!
Don't forget to factor in:
Cost of not just gift, but also rehearsal dinner, extra wedding transport, extra bouquets, shoes/makeup/hair (if you are paying)
Stress of coordinating that many people, and if they are not easy going, pleasing them with dress choice
I think 9 is fine. I am having 8. I would assume they would all be very excited to be in it, and while you do have to get them a gift, it does not have to be an expensive gift. I am sure they could care less about the cost of the gift, or even really getting a gift at all. I say include anyone who you want included and who wants to be included! I am also have 5 flowergirls so if you want to think about hard to coordinate...
I hate to just chime in to reiterate what everyone else has said, but it seems like it would be really hard. Coordinating an outing or a special lunch with them all present would be nearly impossible. 9 girls to do hair for, 9 girls to do make up for, 9 girls to get gifts for, 9 girls to transport. 9 girls to fit into a dressing room. 9 girls will take longer to photograph, and will require your photographer to stand farther away for group shots.
I had six, with about 160 guests. I didn't stick to the rules at all, but if I would have added any more I would have pulled my hair out.
I have 7. 8 including my daughter. Our wedding will have about 200 guests. I feel like as long as they are all trustworthy and dependable you can have as many as you want. I know my BMs. 2 are my sisters, 2 are FI's sisters and 3 friends. I picked them because I know they won't let me down. They are all dependable and drama free. :)
My daughter also picked out the dress. With a larger party make the executive decision to pick the dress out yourself. We are having them made so I took the girl's out to lunch and than the seamstress came to our house to measure everyone AND take their payment. 8 dresses all ordered and paid for. :)
It can be easy or it can be difficult. Make it easy on yourself.
I think that question is solely based on you. Don't feel obligated to have people or not have people be bridesmaids. With our wedding of 100, I chose only two BMs, my two sisters. I also have a younger half sister who will help with programs, and assisting my niece w being a flowergirl and a close friend who will be my personal attendent. I come from a huge family so incorporating everyone would be overwhelming for US. But have whoever you want to stand up there and support you. Its your day. Other bees, bring up a good point to gifts and such but if the expense isn't an issue. Pick BMs that support you, and support your marriage. I had the debate to ask my close friend as a BM or a Personal Attendent. My sister brought up the point to bridal party memebers. You want people that have supported your relationship prior to engagement, you as a solo individual, and people that will influence and support your marriage. There are other roles to be played to involve the special ladies other than BMs into your wedding. Personal Attendents, Readers, etc. Good luck!
It's a personal call, but you do have to consider logistics. Even something as silly as transportation- are you going to trust 9 people to get themselves somewhere in relatively the same period of time? Even if they pair up, that's four cars. Or a limo? If FI also has 9, you're talking a bus if you all want to go anywhere together (significant if it's a church ceremony and a somewhere-else reception). We have 5 on each side, and finding transportation for 12 adults has proven expensive.
As others have pointed out, gifts, schedules, etc will be hard to coordinate and more expensive. So will bouquets. So will anything else you want for them- hair, makeup, special jewelry, etc.
I'm having 6, and everyone said that was way too many. But I LOVE it. We all got together for dress shopping (I allowed them to pick their own dresses, just the same designer and color and length) and then went out to dinner, it was a blast. Everyone got along even though they didn't know each other and some new friendships were formed. They're already planning the shower and bachelorette party together and no one has caused any drama. You know the girls- if it will be full of drama, don't do it. But if your girls are easy going and fun like mine, I think it's great!
It's completely up to you! I just want to say that some times I feel overwhelmed with only 3!
I agree with oracle. If you're not particularly close to your SO's sisters but he wants to incorporate them into the wedding, then he should have them on his side.
@Melini: When 25% of the guests are in the wedding, the honor of being involved is diminished, IMO
This.
It's too many. If it were me, I would just stick with the family members and hope my friends would understand.
Just depends on what you want. I only have two with a Matron, and they are very easy to communicate with, they don't complain, and they are happy to fill the role. These ladies are all related to me or either the Groom. It was just easier to not involve friends (for me, maybe not for you!).
But only you know how the personalities of these ladies are that you are looking at involving in your big day. I had 3 female ushers (that were friends), but as of today at 5:00 when one of them that emails me every other day suggesting a different dress and shoe other than what I've selected for them, I got rid of all of them. I was thankful I had NOT made them bridesmaids. So just think about it!
I say do what you want, and don't listen to what is considered "the right way". It's your wedding, and YOUR day.
I am also having 9 girls stand, and my guest list is roughly 200. 2 are my sisters, 3 are his, one is my SIL, and the other 3 are my BFF's. I can't imagine NOT having them stand beside me as I marry my best friend.
It helps that my wonderful husband-to-be is on board, and finds a way to always use the toast "to us and our way". =)
Good luck!
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