Post # 1
Question for the Bees- How many of you are having Bridal Showers? Do any of you think it is considered “double dipping” for presents? My FMIL thinks it is. She will not be inviting any of her lady friends to my bridal shower because she doesn’t want to double dip for gifts. She thinks they will already be giving us expensive wedding presents and doesn’t want them to “give twice.” I thought the purpose of a bridal shower was to get the ladies together for a fun lunch and share some “advice” or a gift for the bride. I never thought of it as a method to get more gifts. Now I feel awkward attending my shower that my friends and family are hosting. Thoughts???
Post # 3
@RobinGirl: I had three bridal showers, call me greedy.
Post # 4
I had none. I don’t like them for a myraid of reasons.
Post # 5
Around here it’s totally acceptable and expected, no one thinks the bride is being gift grabby. Generally you get household gifts for the shower, and money at the wedding. That being said, I’ve never been to one that was like…rent out a venue big. Usually 20-30 people max.
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC
The showers I’ve been to have been for very small household items and lingerie for the bride. Just a fun day of lunch and chatting with the ladies. Don’t feel bad!
Post # 7
I think its a pretty traditional party associated with an upcoming wedding so no, I don’t think its gift grabby or commonly perceived as so.
Post # 8
Absolutely not, you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all.
Post # 9
My bridal shower was sooo much fun. I have never heard of anyone feeling that a bridal shower was “double dipping”. If your FMIL doesn’t want to have a part in it and doesn’t want to invite her friends then I guess that is her opinion. I think you will have a great time anyway!
Post # 10
My work friends threw me one – i had nothing to do with it and only got a couple of gifts, but it was a lovely time. We had lots of fun!
Post # 11
I’m English we don’t do bridal showers( at least I don’t know of anyone that does). I am inclined to agree with your FMIL.
We have not included a gift list with our invites as we are very uncomfortable asking for anything, so or me a shower would be totally out of the question.
Post # 12
@Giddy-kipper My FMIL is English, although she has lived in the US for 35+ years, so that might be where it comes from. We are registered for gifts, but we are not including any information regarding it on our invitations.
Post # 13
I am having 1 bridal shower – originally i didn’t want one, but my aunt & her friends insisted I should get one.
As they stated it, “You deserve to partake in all the the wedding activities – it only happens once in a lifetime!”.
Post # 14
All of the bridal showers I have attended and the ones where I was the guest of honor were small affairs at someone’s home, not catered events at outside venues.
Horror of horrors, there were also guests who were not invited to the wedding! My Mom’s friends, neighbours and colleagues wanted to host a shower for me, knowing they were not invited to the wedding.
My FMIL’s neighbours and church members also hosted a shower knowing they were not all invited to the wedding.
My work colleagues also hosted a shower.
The vast majority of the guests at these showers were not invited to the wedding so the shower gift was their only gift. The shower gifts were also not grandiose or expensive items. they were things like tea towels, kitchen tools etc.
Frankly, it does come off as double-dipping to invite the same women to the shower and the wedding, even though it is current acceptable etiquette.
Post # 15
Since you asked, yes, I feel that way, and I give only one gift per wedding (obviously FI and I attend as a couple, so we give one nice gift from each of us).
Add in engagement parties, and we’re talking triple-dip. That’s definitely yick territory for me.
Obviously, since I feel this way, I’m not having either the pre-party party (bridal shower) or the pre-pre-party party (engagement party)… “just” the wedding ceremony and the party (reception) itself. I think my and FI’s marriage is an important occasion, but I feel the ceremony and reception are plenty enough to represent that importance.
As you might guess, I feel the same way about gender reveal parties, etc.
One party per child per year, and one party per marriage (and perhaps a bachelorette, if the ceremony and reception really doesn’t feel like enough group activity around the marriage. Bachelorettes are not typically gift events so it’s safer to plan this event without the dreaded gift grab effect). I politely decline invitations to any addtional parties to these, and won’t be hosting more than that myself.
Post # 16
I don’t like them. I think they’re
1) double dipping for gifts
2) time and money consuming for the host and guests
Why can’t people just get married and do all the celebrating at the wedding? Is it necessary to have an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, AND a wedding that certain people are obligated to attend?