Is a Bridal Shower "Double Dipping" for Gifts?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
8679 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I had none. I don’t like them for a myraid of reasons.

Post # 5
6985 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Around here it’s totally acceptable and expected, no one thinks the bride is being gift grabby. Generally you get household gifts for the shower, and money at the wedding. That being said, I’ve never been to one that was like…rent out a venue big. Usually 20-30 people max.

Post # 6
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - White Point Garden, Charleston, SC

The showers I’ve been to have been for very small household items and lingerie for the bride.  Just a fun day of lunch and chatting with the ladies.  Don’t feel bad!

Post # 7
4513 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think its a pretty traditional party associated with an upcoming wedding so no,  I don’t think its gift grabby or commonly perceived as so.

Post # 8
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Absolutely not, you shouldn’t feel bad about it at all.

Post # 9
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

My bridal shower was sooo much fun. I have never heard of anyone feeling that a bridal shower was “double dipping”. If your FMIL doesn’t want to have a part in it and doesn’t want to invite her friends then I guess that is her opinion. I think you will have a great time anyway!

Post # 10
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

My work friends threw me one – i had nothing to do with it and only got a couple of gifts, but it was a lovely time. We had lots of fun!

Post # 11
8 posts
  • Wedding: December 2013

I’m English we don’t do bridal showers( at least I don’t know of anyone that does). I am inclined to agree with your FMIL. 

We have not included a gift list with our invites as we are very uncomfortable asking for anything, so or me a shower would be totally out of the question.

Post # 13
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am having 1 bridal shower – originally i didn’t want one, but my aunt & her friends insisted I should get one.

As they stated it, “You deserve to partake in all the the wedding activities – it only happens once in a lifetime!”.

Post # 14
42182 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

All of the bridal showers I have attended and the ones where I was the guest of honor were small affairs at someone’s home, not catered events at outside venues.

Horror of horrors, there were also guests who were not invited to the wedding! My Mom’s friends, neighbours and colleagues  wanted to host a shower for me, knowing they were not invited to the wedding.

My FMIL’s neighbours and church members also hosted a shower knowing they were not all invited to the wedding.

My work colleagues also hosted a shower.

The vast majority of the guests at these showers were not invited to the wedding so the shower gift was their only gift. The shower gifts were also not grandiose or expensive items. they were things like tea towels, kitchen tools etc.

Frankly, it does come off as double-dipping to invite the same women to the shower and the wedding, even though it is current acceptable etiquette.

Post # 15
6407 posts
Bee Keeper

Since you asked, yes, I feel that way, and I give only one gift per wedding (obviously FI and I attend as a couple, so we give one nice gift from each of us).

Add in engagement parties, and we’re talking triple-dip. That’s definitely yick territory for me.

Obviously, since I feel this way, I’m not having either the pre-party party (bridal shower) or the pre-pre-party party (engagement party)… “just” the wedding ceremony and the party (reception) itself. I think my and FI’s marriage is an important occasion, but I feel the ceremony and reception are plenty enough to represent that importance.

As you might guess, I feel the same way about gender reveal parties, etc.

One party per child per year, and one party per marriage (and perhaps a bachelorette, if the ceremony and reception really doesn’t feel like enough group activity around the marriage. Bachelorettes are not typically gift events so it’s safer to plan this event without the dreaded gift grab effect). I politely decline invitations to any addtional parties to these, and won’t be hosting more than that myself.

Post # 16
5207 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t like them. I think they’re 

1) double dipping for gifts

2) time and money consuming for the host and guests

3) boring

4) unnecessary

Why can’t people just get married and do all the celebrating at the wedding? Is it necessary to have an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party, AND a wedding that certain people are obligated to attend?

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