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That was it, in the words of my mom. But FH and I have a small NY apartment (that honestly won't be much bigger if/when we buy a place), and not a huge need for a lot of new stuff. I want to keep our registry small and to the basics (nice china/glassware/silver, maybe some decorations - lamps, rugs, art, etc., basic kitchenware and appliances), but what we really need more than stuff is money. To pay for our honeymoon, the wedding itself and future, very expensive NYC home. I figured an h-moon registry would be one way to go, but my mom thinks its really tacky (and I quote). I don't want to register for stuff just so people have something to buy us. But how does one communicate that we would want to split our registries between getting home stuff and green stuff?
I don't see a problem with them. If you want the cash, you can always just register for a smaller amount of stuff. I'm pretty sure that a lot of people prefer just to give cash anyway.
I was also worried that it would be tacky. The second I did it and put it up, I didn't care anymore. Since then I've gotten only positive feedback. Even those in an older generation seem to like it. If you want to do it - DO IT!
I know two couples that used Honeyfund and guests gladly contributed. If people are going to spend money, why not spend money on what you actually want/need? You can do a small registry with the items you want for the home and then the honeymoon registry. I feel like sometimes parents say "tacky" because things weren't done that way in their day--but times have changed. Just because it's not traditional doesn't mean it's tacky.
We're likely going to do one as well. What I would like to do though, is set it up so people can "buy" us certain things (a la Miss Cola). IE) A snorkelling trip, a picnic lunch, etc. So that way we could come home and say in our thank you notes "Thanks so much for contributing to our honeymoon, our picnic on the beach was amazing!" and maybe even enclose a photo of us at that activity or whatever. I would much prefer to do that for a friend than just contribute money into a pool, but that's just me.
If you want money, just register for a few things and people will get the point.
i don't think it's tacky at all! but, i know a lot of parents (especially mothers and grandmothers) are creatures of tradition when it comes to weddings. my fiance & i are like you guys -- we don't need a lot of "stuff" and decided to do a honeymoon registry. however, consider bridal showers you might be having in the future and to also remember that some of your guests might prefer to bring an physical gift to your wedding, opposed to sending your cash via a honeymoon website -- that might seem too foreign to them.
my advice (and what we decided to do) was to register for some really simple things and to register for some upgrades of things we already have (like you mentioned). that way, your guests have the option. do you have a wedding website? i think that might be a good place to link your guests to both your registeries (retail & honeymoon) and a tasteful place you can tell your guests *why* a contribution towards your honeymoon would mean so much (they would be a part of creating life-long memories, celebrating your future together, etc.)
good luck!
I think they are a great idea. If you don't want/need/can't find space for other stuff, it seems even more reasonable! We were thinking of doing one just becuase we have most of the stuff we need for our house, and would like help with paying for our honeymoon. The reason we aren't doing this though, is becuase we aren't going through a place for our honeymoon!
thanks everyone.
@hsearle: we plan to put together a wedding website as soon as we have a date! but that's a great idea - to sort of explain where we are coming from with the honeymoon registry on the website.
@bakerella - that would be my plan too if we do go through with the honeymoon registry. I'd certainly list specific activities, and that way the thank you note is more meaningful :)
I'd like to hear from a "no" responder just to hear the other side of it! Anyone want to step forward? I promise we'll be nice, I'd just like to hear why not :)
@Jaxx317 -- i know honeyfund (where we are registered) gives you the opportunity to explain where you are going, what you want to do, why it's important to you, etc. that way your guests will feel like they are contributing to "something" -- a day at the spa, buying you a nice dinner, snorkling lessons, etc. -- opposed to just sending you $75 to do whatever. and as @bakerella suggested, it gives you an opportunity to write a really heartfelt thank you note that lets them know how much you appreciated their gift & that you were thinking of them. exciting!
I love that all the comments are about how great they are but the voting is swayed toward not doing it . . . what's up with that?! We're doing it, my sister did one and she got literally EVERYTHING from both her regular registry and her honeymoon registry, her best friend did one. They seem to be pretty popular and to be honest I've never heard anyone speak negatively about them. If you create 2, one "normal" one honeymoon then people have their choices to do what they prefer.
I don't really like them... I just feel like they're a disguised way of asking for cash, and cash isn't something I give at weddings, I'd rather by a tangible gift. That said though, I wouldn't say anything bad about it if I knew someone who had one, I just wouldn't contribute.
Personally- I want a honeyfund. I think naysayers would say that the point of wedding gifts is to start a home and you should be able to afford a honeymoon yourself. IMHO- I think it's a great idea and it's money being spent one way or the other.
I don't think they're tacky at all, but I would just be prepared to also get some random items if you don't register (we haven't registered at all for anything, and we have received quite a few strange gifts!).
I guess I'm a naysayer. I don't like them because I don't like giving cash as a gift. Never have. It feels very cold, IMO. If one of my friends registered with something like this, I would probably still buy a tangible gift, something super classic like silver candle sticks, and provide a gift receipt. I just feel very awkward giving anyone cash. I totally understand the small living space issue, so I'm really sympathetic to that, it is just the cash thing that gets me.
That said, I wouldn't be pissed, just feel a little anxious about what to do. If there were still options on a regular registry, I would jump all over that and not give the honeymoon registry a second thought.
We are doing one and so far I've only heard positive feedback from people we've told about it. We also have a small registry at BB&B though, so guests that want to give a tangible gift still have the option.
I think the Honeymoon-fund sounds nice, especially the activity buying part!
But I do also agree with the making of a normal registry for people that may not be so pleased with the honeymoon-fund/ cash giving.
P.S. My BF's sister registered at a department/ everything type store and still ended up with 5 rolling pins. Dead serious.
SHE DOESN"T EVEN BAKE ALL THAT OFTEN! LoL.
Its the thought that counts I guess. :)
Personally, I think they are tacky. It's like asking your friends to pay for your vacation which has nothing to do with starting a life together, as traditional wedding gifts do. I get why you don't want to register for a lot of house stuff so my advice would be to register for only a few things and then register for Visa gift cards and have family spread through word that you guys would prefer money. But DON'T write that you would prefer money on anything, just spread the news via word of mouth. Hope this helps!
I wonder what the people would say if they were actually asked what they think of them? What do you mean by a 'great response'? Just that people have contributed to it,or have they verbalized that its a great idea? If you give people no choice in the matter by saying you only have a honeymoon registry,its just the same as dictating how they give you a gift. Polite people usually will do as requested and never say they think it's awful...at least to your face.
If you have no registries at all, that will be the main clue that you would prefer money. I've never had a family member or friend's son or daughter use one,but I wouldn't use it. I'd give them a check instead. One I've just seen recently is even asking for donations so they can tip the people that will serve them during their honeymoon. Is that necessary to include? sheesh.
I think this varies with region/culture/family. They do bother me a bit, and my mother and her generation find them tacky. If you want to do one, I would suggest also having a registry for household items so guests have a choice.
I am really glad that we did a honeymoon registry. Yes, people are giving you cash but they feel like they are giving it to a purpose and to something that you would enjoy. We are absolutely using all of the money that we received for our actual honeymoon trip not a new TV, fence, car, puppy, etc. The excursions that we listed on our registry will definitely be things that we do- snorkeling, dinner cruise, massage, etc.
I can see how if you aren't one to gift cash then you may be a little uncomfortable with it. Honestly, I was the same way at first. We have friends that set up one after seeing ours. They live in Germany and are getting married in TN. The last thing they need is a bunch of gifts to haul home with them. I loved getting to look through all of the different excursions that they had in mind and find something that I would enjoy doing (just like guests often look on a traditional gift registry and find something that they might enjoy having or already have and love).
All that being said, I think it is important to have a more traditional registry with a few dishes, towels, etc. Only suggesting monetary gifts could put some guests in a bad situation if they are not comfortable giving cash.
Feel free to PM me and I will send you the link to our Honeyfund.
ETA- I don't like the argument that the honeymoon doesn't help start your life together. So a Wii does? Or a set of Tervis tumblers? A fondue pot? We all put things on our traditional registries that are far from necessary but they are fun or enjoyable. Isn't contributing to the honeymoon a similar concept?
we have a traditional registry(but don't need a lot of stuuf, we have lived together for 2 1/2 years), but we also did a honeymoon registry... i have a feeling though that most people will be giving us cash or checks at the actuall wedding so i think in our case, it'll work itself out
I don't agree that contributing to a honeymoon registry is the same as buying "fun" house things. That's just my opinion though. Where I'm from and in my family, they are considered rude. And for the record we didn't register for things like a Wii and fondue pot. The other thing that bugs me about the honeymoon registry is that the registry company often take a percentage of what guests contribute so the bride and groom aren't really getting the full gift that the guest is giving them.
I think it all really does depend on your family and your guests. What's perceived by some as fun or modern may be taken the wrong way but others. Maybe just think about your guests. Not everyone has to like it but getting feedback from a few different people in your circle of friends or area might be helpful.
I know that the fees are a turnoff to some people but ours were just the standard Paypal fees. When we would receive a $100 gift on Honeyfund we would immediately move $100 to our honeymoon savings account. That way we were putting the full amount the gift giver had pledged toward our trip. To me it was no different than $10.95 for shipping something off the registry. Checks and cash had no fees.
shaydenise -- it really depends what site you use for a honeymoon registry. some sites charge you, but not *all* of them do. honeyfund will give your guests the option to send cash/check directly to you OR they can use paypal, which includes a fee.
also, to be fair to the OP, she never said she wasn't not going to register for other items in a traditional registry. clearly everyone has their own opinions/traditions about buying wedding gifts for someone else, and a lot of that is based on your relationship with the bride & groom. my advice to jaxx317 is do what feels right for you!
In a nutshell, how does a honeymoon registry work?? Can someone just write on the shower invite that contributions toward a honeymoon would be appreciated?? That might sound better than "monetary shower"
Honeymoon registries are awesome. I'm doing one but also more traditional registries for guests that prefer to give gifts of household items, and also for the shower where it would be weird for people to buy off the registry. The bride is supposed to open actual gifts at the shower so I think it would be awkward if people bought off the honeymoon registry for the shower, although personally I'd be pumped, I think my mom would be like WTF.
I've never heard of them being tacky, and they're great for guests who dont' want to give you "just" money. I think most guests love the idea of being able to purchase a particular activity for you and your then-husband to enjoy, etc.
In my opinion, I think it's better to "ask" for honeymoon funds/activities than just straight up cash.
I agree with Gemstone and others - we are having a Honeyfund along with a traditional registry. We already own our house together and have most of our housewares. FH wants cash only - but I suggested the Honeyfund so as to also please the traditional guests who want to feel like they are giving you a gift.
Try this site- its what we will be using. You pay a one off fee and all the money gifts go straight to you (unlike others that take a %age of your donations)
You can list whatever you want, so you can list a few more traditional items for those who want to getthat sort of thing, and you canlist 'parts' of your honeymoon- so those giving money towards it dont just feel liek they are giving yo money- they are guying you something more specific.
Also, as its you own site etc, if you dont actually end up getting or spending the oney on what they have paid for- thats ok, and they are giving you the money- not the travel agency/store.
I wouldent ask for cash - I'd feel rude, but then we didn't do a registry we just did a list of stuff we needed - like bedding, and a wardrobe and stuff.
Have a honeymoon you can afford to pay for yourselves or wait and save up for a nice vacation together. Your guests are in no way whatsoever responsible for paying for a dime of your honeymoon.
@Selene221 No one that has a honeymoon registry is suggesting that the guests are responsible fo rpaying for their honeymoon. I think the major reason for them is that people that don't need housewares, and they figure if someone is going to give a gift, it might as well be something that will be used and not something that will sit and collect dust. Since asking for cash is not something that most people are comfortable with, a honeymoon registry says "hey, we don't need a gift at all - but if you do want to give one here's something we would use." It is not ANY different from registering for pots and pans or anything else you want to suggest that people buy.
Guests are never responsible for buying anything for a couple. Why don't you tell people who register for anything at all to save up and buy those things for themselves?
Whether a honeymoon fund, or a Macy's registry, these things are in place merely to help those who want to give a gift.
thanks gals! i talked to FH about registries a few days ago and i think he feels a bit awkward about a honeymoon registry too. so I think we will just do two or three small registries for stuff we really need that have 20 items or less each - we've started one at Crate & Barrel and Amazon, and may add BBB - and figure out how to spread the word that we would also prefer cash.
I voted against it, because I don't like them and I have a gut reaction of, "It's like asking people to pay for your honeymoon."
BUT...from a practical standpoint, I can see why people do it. If you don't want/need more house stuff, why not ask people who want to buy you a gift for something you will truly enjoy? I do get it and I understand it, but I can't say I would contribute to one as a guest.
I still feel that gift-giving and registries themselves were set up to help the bride and groom begin their lives together and no, Wiis, DVDs, and other things don't help you begin your life together. But the basics - bedding, towels, dishes, flatware, etc. (all the typical registry stuff) really do help because buying all of that at once is EXPENSIVE (I still shudder when I think of that trip to Target when I got my first apartment!).
But that's just my little ol' opinion; I know people that are not offended by them at all and I know people that would be and I suppose I'm somewhere in the middle - to each their own and as others have said, do what makes you happy 
The 'tacky" word is incredibly overused and has no meaning anymore. But a honeymoon registry is considered rude by most people because it is seen as greedy and a luxury item which is not required, nor the responsibility of the guests to pay for any part of it. You take the vacation you can afford on your own and save up for a trip later if you want something big but don't have the means at the moment.
Many people view it completely different from a household registry because the household items are needed and a trip is considered a want rather than a need.
We did it and also registered at BB&B and people chose the honeymoon registry the most. People LOVED it and we have heard nothing but great response.
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