(Closed) Is ADHD Ruining Your Marriage?

posted 7 years ago in Wellness
Post # 3
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m the ADHD one in my marriage.  Fortunately, my husband is SUPER patient.

Post # 4
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Oh, please update this with video if you can find it. One of my BM’s is currently fighting for her marriage because of her husbands ADHD. (She and all his family) recognize that what he’s suffering from is stemming from it and he needs to figure that out so he can see it’s not his “marriage.” 🙁 

Post # 5
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I used to have a huge issue w/ this in my marriage, but then we realized it wasn’t ADHD, but TBI (traumatic brain injury) due to an injury in Iraq.  Knowing that it’s out of his control helps me to be more patient and also to find methods to make things work for us.  I NEVER wanted to be one of those wives to leave a “honey do” list each day.  But that’s literally the only way that works to help him remember/keep focus on his tasks.  I know that TBI is different from ADHD, but I can sympathize with those who are in the situation. 

Post # 7
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Thanks! I did pass it along although it wasn’t much we didn’t already know… :/ I have it as well and reading it I kept going… yup… mmmhmmm… sounds right….. lol

Post # 9
Member
4123 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Mrs.Firefly1: unfortunately, ADHD has a HUGE stigma and many think it is a bogus disorder. Especially among adults 🙁 That’s the biggest issue for my friends… he is running away from EVERYTHING because he can’t handle things (which his wife is being lumped into) and he refuses to see a councilor, go back on meds, or acknowledge his ADHD. 

Post # 10
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@KLP2010: PTSD is a lot like that too. Folks thinking it’s a “oh, you just can’t handle ____, and so you’re doing _____ because you’re weak”. It’s really sad.

@JsDragonfly: I do that too with my angel. If I don’t give him a to-do list, he just gets scattered so I totally feel your pain (and/or frustration).

Post # 11
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

there was an article about this in the NYT not too long ago as well.

fi drives me crazy sometimes, but it’s important to keep it in perspective. i have to remind myself he’s not (not listening/forgetting his chores/etc) on purpose.

Post # 12
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

FI and I have come a long way in our relationship after realizing that his childhood ADHD has carried on into his adult life. I’ve always been very hesitant to label anyone with a condition such as ADHD, Autism, etc. as I know this can sometimes leave people with a “self-fulfilling prophecy.” It was FI, however, who finally came to me one day asking if I knew anything about adult ADHD.

After some research and a talk with the doctor we found out some valuable information that may have saved our relationship. We’ve both learned to recognize the signs and how to effeciently deal with the diagnosis of ADHD. For FI it’s become a matter of recognizing his impulsiveness, inpatience, and temper. He’s learnt that there is a need for him to take extra care when planning fiances and he’s been taught skills on how to be more efficient in life.

For some people ADHD is just a label, but for us we realized it’s an awareness that gives us tools to cope with every day life. FI is a very strong, kind, and capable man who doesn’t have an “illness” in the least. In his case ADHD simply gives him a slightly different learning curve. Now that we know what fits him best for a learning style our lives have been made that much easier. Even just reading information online helped us emensly. FI has not been medicated, rather we found natural cognitive exercises that help him out.

I would caution those of you wanting to label your SO with ADHD. Coping with ADHD has to come from the person dealing with it first. If your SO doesn’t think that there is something wrong with themself then it can be very hurtful and frustrating for you to try to impose this diagnosis on them. If this is a new topic for you try mentioning it casually in a couple of conversations before you bring it up to your SO.

Post # 13
Member
2390 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@MissHelen:  I was surprised at how excited he was about the list.  I think he was just excited to have help remembering so I wouldn’t get irritated at him. lol  I’ve found that a set schedule and list does wonders for him. 

Post # 14
Member
6249 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

Similar to Neva, I’m the one with diagnosed adult ADHD.  Luckily FI is extremely patient with me.  We tend to balance each other out.  He is very calm and likes to take his time with everything, whereas I tend to be impulsive.  He helps me relax and does research before we buy things (which I don’t have the patience for.)  On the other hand, he is very lazy whereas I am VERY hyperactive.  He says he likes that I get him moving and doing things, because otherwise he would lay around playing video games and sleeping all day.  It took quite a few years for us to find a nice balance after my diagnosis (in college), but it seems to work for us now.  🙂

Post # 15
Member
222 posts
Helper bee

Actually his ADHD has been causing a lot of problems this whole time and I didn’t even realize they were associated with ADHD! It all came up because he’s having major focus issues at his job and is considering medication which “he should have done a long time ago” (his words. His Dr diagnosed him when he was younger). I honestly just thought that was how he is and loved him anyways!

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