Post # 1
Tomorrow my FI’s mom, brother, and his brother’s wife are visiting. They’re only in town for the weekend, and we’re spending the entire day with them.
His mother and brother do not like me. I have depression problems and his brother has called me “weak” because of it. His mother thinks I bring him down, and that because I’m still in college (I’m 30) that I’m a loser.
My FI has always defended me, always been by my side, he is completely supportive of me and is incredibly loving and fully understands what I am going through, and how hard I’ve been working through my depression.
But I’m wide awake at 1am. My stomach feels sick. I keep getting waves of adrenaline because I’m so nervous about tomorrow.
I know the whole time they’re just going to be sitting there, judging me. Every word that comes out of my mouth will be used against me in some way, later on down the line. I just know it.
🙁 I just need some advice…
Post # 3
That sounds like a crappy day!
I’d have an internal countdown going on – 5 hours to go, 4 hours to go… And just remember that whatever his family thinks, your SO obviously loves you – that’s the only thing that matters, his family can go swivel!
Post # 4
I am sorry 🙁 *big hugs* I know where you’re coming from, getting upset and stressed and not being able to sleep, worrying. I too have depression, as well as anxiety and bipolar disorder, and I worry I will get judged for it. But the not so nice comments and lack of understanding has been on my family’s part, not his. I am struggling to even go to uni at this point, stopped working too, so who knows when I will finish my degree. And not being able to work or finish my degree just yet is pushing back when FI will be moving out of our parents’ homes, and that in turn is pushing back the wedding.
So I totally understand where you are coming from. Have you explained to them about your depression, what symptoms it can cause and the effect it can have on your life and your ability to have a normal day to day life?
I am here if you need to talk 🙂
Post # 5
I can understand your situation. I had depression about 7 years ago and because of it I stayed away from my friends in fear that they would judge me. I avoided them for nearly a year. When I finally agreed to go out with them, I was petrified and self-conscious and just trying not to say/do the wrong thing in front of them.
All I can say is just relax and be polite. You don’t have to be overly friendly or warm. Just smile and reply when you are spoken to. Make small talk like normal people do. Stay away from the topic of your depression unless they ask you about it. If they do, just say it’s all under control. And you and your FI are very happy. You know, just talk about things you guys do in your free time… what u enjoy watching on tv… ask them what they do for work…general ice breakers.
Post # 6
@AquaGrey8962: awe sweetie, there is no weakness in depression
choosing to go to school at any age is bettering your self it does not make you a loser people re educate all the time the most brillaint people never stop learning and always go to update them selfs and keep sharp
my aunt was single mom at 24 who didnt even finish highschool cuz she got marrid at 17 (they divorced) she got her ged b.c. when serving doctors and lawers she realized i am smarter then these guys … she went to uni at a very good school in vancouver …. and you know what she is in her 50s now ….her works still sends her to school to update she has even gone to Harvard now for work reasons so don’t sell your self short seriously what you did so far does not matter what you want your goals your dreams and the steps you take do
so don’t let their close minded views effect you you, they will undercut you but know you are bettering your self … and ppl who get anixous or depressed only do so b.c. they have been strong for a very long time its not weakness its being strong to long
i like to go to he gym when i panic a lil so maybe do that in the morning for right now have a hot bath or shower put on good music ….
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada
Oh sweetie, what a horrible situation. I would try to focus on positive things like what are you proud of about yourself because, you know what, at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what they think It only really matter what you think of yourself. When you take it to heart, you are the one that let them hurt you, dot let them ok?
So they think you are a loser for going to collage at 30? Well I think it is great that you are working on you and learning! It’s awesome! It something people should continue to do throughout their lives. Who says you have to do things in a way everyone else does it? At least you ARE doing something to further yourself AND at least you are honest about your depression and facing your problems – so many people never do!
you should be proud of these things and love yourself for them. Also, for tomorrow, Focus on your SO and whlie they are there and take strength from the love you share.
You can do this – I have faith I you! X
Post # 8
@AquaGrey8962: I would try (and I know this can be hard) to be obnoxiously perky. Be so darn nice and polite and upbeat that if they say anything again they seem stupid for saying it. Do not let negative people control your emotions. Take nice deep breathes and think about something nice you are going to do for yourself Sunday. Then, anytime, like now trying to sleep, when you feel like you are getting anxious because of them, think about that great reward you are gonna give yourself on the other side of seeing them. Finally, people who call depressed people weak usuly have no understanding of mental health or the human mind. You are fighting physiology, you are not weak. Realize they are ignorant and that just by getting up and being in college and functioning every day you are proving them wrong.
Post # 9
@AquaGrey8962: You can’t control what people think of you. Be your best self, that’s all anyone can truly give. I’m sending good energy your way.
Post # 10
Really hope your day is going better than expected 🙂
Post # 11
Thank you everyone. We’re getting ready to go meet up with them right now. I got a little bit of sleep last night… my FI is trying to tell me to relax and that everything will be ok. Sigh. Hopefully nothing awful happens. But if it does, I’ll be sure to update later on.
Post # 12
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@AquaGrey8962: poor you 🙁 Depression is a bitch and it’s not your fault.
You know what they say… fake it til you make it! Seriously – even if it’s exhausting, try to put on a big smile and bust out the charm and wit. Show them that they’re wrong about you.
Post # 14
@AquaGrey8962: I’m sorry you have to go through depression AND deal with judgemental f.wits like that 🙁
There is no weakness in depression. It really annoys me when people have no understanding of something they’ve never been through. NOBODY wants to be depressed. Sometimes, for no reason, it just happens. Depression is an illness. Heart problems are also an illness. Would they think someone with heart problems as weak? Why can’t they just think themselves healthy? It’s ridiculous in this day and age with all the awareness of depression, that people still don’t get it.
I say, screw them! Your biggest supporter is your FI and HE understands! He’s obviously not going to be swayed by their narrow minded opinions.
I hope the weekend goes super quick and they don’t cause you any trouble!