(Closed) Is anyone else feeling a ton of pressure to lose weight?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
668 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

First of all you look gorgeous in your wedding dress!! Secondly, I totally get this pressure because my whole life my family would compliment me if I lost weight and side eye me if I gained weight. Do you feel happy and comfortable in your own skin? Would you even have thought about weight loss if she hadn’t mentioned it? Do what you want to do. Your mom’s comments really reflect her and not you. Those are HER fears based on her issues.

Post # 4
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

ZebraPrintMe:  Not for the wedding, when I was a kid they took me to dieticians because I was way overweight.  But they never made me feel overweight, they just focused on feeding me (and my not-overweight brother) healthy food.  I think they handled it beautifully and I ended up losing the weight on my own, very slowly and in a healthy way, between ages 16-25.

Now here’s the thing that bugs me about your mom’s comments.  Yes, it’s true that carrying excess weight in the midsection is a major health concern.  But it’s also true that losing weight quickly (like by your wedding) would be far less healthy than keeping it, crash diets are awful for your body, and usually result in gaining the weight back plus more after.  So if health is your mom’s real concern then she’s just plain wrong.  And if how you look is her concern, well then she’s nutballs, because you look FREAKING FABULOUS in your dress.

Post # 6
Member
1071 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

ZebraPrintMe:  I agree with PP that you look awesome in that dress! You are going to be a beautiful bride. :)<br /><br />As someone who has been told hundreds of times by a parental figure that I am fat and that i need to lose wieght… I definately get it! Sometimes when I am cuddling with FI, I tell him Not to touch my belly becasue the comments really wear me down. So of course I have an intense desire to get thin (especially since fi is a twig…), but I know being healthy and feeling good is what is actually important. <br /><br />

Post # 8
Member
432 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

First off, you have the body of a WOMAN now. No offense to anyone who is naturally skinny, but for a lot of women, including myself, as we approach our mid-20s, we simply dont look like the teeny teenagers we once were, and realistically, we are not meant to stay that way! Unless there is a genuine concern for one’s health, I really don’think you need to drop any pounds for an occasion. I think you look beautiful in that dress, and to be honest, sometimes one needs a bit of a figure to wear certain dress designs.<br />What I’ve never understood is the sudden desire to pressure the bride to look like someone she probably is not once she gets engaged/about to be married. It’s just ironic that people all of a sudden feel justified in creating insecurities on the basis of a time in one’s life where one needs support and encouragement-embarking on new journeys and new roles. Anyways, I’d like to give your mom the benefit of the doubt, but I think people are entirely too focused on this ideal of perfection, especially when it comes to women’s appearances.

Post # 9
Member
2261 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

ZebraPrintMe:  My mother was on my ass when I first got engaged about loosing weight. Fortunately I already had dieting in mind anyway so I didn’t take offense to this. But I can definitely see how that conversation could have gone south and fast. 

The whole point of a wedding is to celebrate your love and happiness. If you are happy the way you are, then that is half the goal right there. Don’t let anybody tell you what to do with your body.

And that dress looks great on you btw 😉 congrats on the engagement lady

Post # 10
Member
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

That dress looks beautiful on you. I dont think yuu should change one thing about yourself. You look so beautiful in that photo and your mums insecurities are all her own not yours.  To many peope place to much on having to be a skinny stick to be beautiful but this is simply not the case. God mad us all look different for a reason.  You look stunning just the way you are. Your FI obviously loves you and how you look so why change just to “please” a bunch of people you haven’t even seen in the last 10 years. I say, enjoy this time leading up to your wedding and don’t stress over silly things that don’t matter like the number on the scales.  You are so beautiful and you are going to look stunning on your special day. 

Post # 11
Member
643 posts
Busy bee

I feel pressure from myself to lose weight, but no one has said anything to me. I’d be pretty pissed if my mom said what yours did – she shouldn’t be so worried about what other people think. 

Post # 12
Member
397 posts
Helper bee

ZebraPrintMe:  A constant goal of overall health is always great. I’m sure you can agree with your Mom on that. Having said that, good health doesn’t necessarily always correspond to your figure. So, sure, strive to be healthy for you and your future spouse/family. However, if you are happy with your figure, there’s absolutely no need for changing it to be your primary focus or to factor that into your wedding day at all. 

I’d quickly let her know that her making you feel insecure about this issue is going to cause more stress, and more harm than good. I can’t imagine criticizing my child’s weight for the sake of other people’s opinions. 

Post # 13
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

ZebraPrintMe:  The reasons your mum has are just silly and wrong. However, if I may say so, she is right with being concerned for your health. You don’t have to be “all that enormous”, whatever that may be, in order for weight to be a health concern.

Actually, I’m not “all that enormous” either, smaller than you, and my doctor told me a couple of years ago that my blood results showed I was very close to diabetic values and I needed to lose weight. <br />Also, I work in the pharmaceutical industry and have to do with lots of clinical data, physicians, etc. and therefore I know just how important a healthy weight is for your body.

I’m really not saying this to be mean and I’m far from skinny myself, but sometimes we try to look for reasons why the things somebody says that bother us aren’t valid. Your mum definitely said it for the wrong reasons, but her concerns are still valid.

I felt it was always easy to compare myself to other people and think: “But I still look much better than them!” But that only means you’re healthier than other people, but not that you’re healthy period.

I truly only say this to give you a different perspective and get you thinking about whether some of what your mum says couldn’t be valid. Still, it’s important that you feel good about yourself and YOU need to want to change.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by  MsquareM.
Post # 14
Member
2722 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

ZebraPrintMe:  I think most women don’t like having their stomachs touched, except when perfectly flat. I have always told my SOs that it makes me want to pee if they touch my stomach too much. That will keep them away

Post # 15
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I started trying to lose weight last summer for my health but no one really noticed (I was really overweight). Once I was engaged and started looking at dresses a few people in my family would ask if I was going to lose weight for the wedding and they started to notice that I already had lost some. That actually set me back because I was mad they were assuming I was losing for the wedding rather than my health. I got over it eventually but I’m still not happy about it.

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