Post # 1
I am Catholic (Caucasian) and my future husband is Sikh (Indian). Both families get along very well together, and the planning process is going pretty smoothly considering we’re having TWO CEREMONIES! It’s crazy, but everyone is really excited, especially our parents. Both sets had their hearts set on the respective religious venues, and we’re happy to have both cultures represented.
I got my American dress, and I found the place I want to get my Indian outfit. My FMIL has suggested getting the fabric in England, and having it made here in the U.S. I would like to purchase it at the store, where I can touch and see examples of the garments. (Keep in mind, she is already going to England, regardless.)
Obviously my FMIL knows way more about what is appropriate for Indian bridal clothing, but I just can’t get something out of my head – if she gets the fabric in England, I won’t be able to see it and select it myself. I realize she can send me photos . . . am I being crazy? I’m also nervous about getting it tailored somewhere. I have never really gotten something tailored, and I am plus-sized. What should I do!? I can tell she is worried about me picking it out.
There are other questions I have about all the different ceremonies that go along with the wedding itself (both American and Indian), but I figured I’d start with this one since it is sort of a decision that needs to be made soon.
Post # 3
Yes…we’re having 4 ‘weddings’ – legal ‘wedding’ at the embassy (completed last Friday!), traditional Korean wedding here in Seoul, an Orthodox church wedding (I’m Orthodox – but nobody else is), and a Canadian wedding for my family. It’s …. insane, but also kind of cool.^^ A lot of people do fusion weddings, but since we knew we had to have a traditional Korean wedding that couldn’t be modified, and since we knew that we would have to have ceremonies in two countries, we went with ‘traditional’ weddings at different times.
As to your dress, I’m technically plus size, and compared to Koreans…super plus size! I had a horrible time finding my white wedding dress here, but finally I found a woman who would make it, and it’s been a great experience thus far. It’s actually kind of cool getting it made just for you. As for fabric – is there any way she can send you fabric samples? … or Skype with you before she actually purchases it? Or maybe go shopping together where you are now and look at different fabrics to see what you like and don’t like? Just some thoughts…
Post # 4
She will not be in England long enough for me to receive the fabric before she comes back to the U.S. And, unfortunately they were debating on whether or not they’d even have the internet where they are going, saying they’d probably have to go to the library to get to the internet.
I’m going to go to the store near my house and probaby email her examples of what we can get from them and prices, and as long as the prices are ok we should be able to get the outfit here in the U.S. No Skyping, since they’re not equipt with a webcam.
I guess the deeper rooted issue is the fact that I am worried about disappointing her. Should I just let her pick it to make her happy? Or should I try to find something I like so I am comfortable wearing it?
Post # 5
How long will you be wearing the Sikh outfit? If it’s not for too long, I wouldn’t worry about it. I’m changing into a Thai outfit for about 1.5 hours during the day and while I normally would never let my mom pick something out for me, she’s just going to have it made in Thailand and even if I hate it, I figure I can suck it up for an hour.
If you have to wear it for longer, I would at least give your FMIL some guidelines. Tell her the things that are important to you, like you don’t want it to be too heavy or scratchy or whatever. Actually, what would be great is if you can visit a fabric shop with her here so that she can get an idea of what you like and hopefully pick something similar.
Post # 6
The Sikh ceremony starts at 9:30am and goes until 1pm. So, I am wearing it for a long time. Plus, I was actually hoping to change back into it halfway through the reception and do sort of a “costume change.” I think there is potential for me to look really good in it if I get the right cut, fabric, etc. . .
Post # 7
Yes, we’re having 3 ceremonies!
I’m hindu, he’s christian; I’m British, he’s Canadian. Two relgious ceremonies and the legal bit. Hindu one and legal one in the UK on consecutive days, then Christian service a few months later . So much planning….I understand where you’re coming from!!!
Re: wedding attire – depends on how much you know/trust her judgement or whether you are chilled enough to just go with the flow…. My mum has already bought one sari for me when she went to India – I told her what I liked, showed her some pictures and left the rest to her. (I did tell her not to buy any others, but she did anyway!!!).
Post # 8
Yeah, I’m having two full-blown weddings as well. One in Korea and one here in the States. I ended up buying two dresses, although the one for the Korea wedding I got a used one (the one here is what I’m considering as the “real” wedding for me and my FI). Both weddings will also have the Korean traditional wedding ceremony incorporated into it, so I’ll be changing my attire on both occasions. And then my FMIL is throwing a reception party for her friends who can’t make it to our Baltimore wedding (my in-laws live in Indiana) after we come back from our honeymoon. So it’ll be like 4 weeks of wedding celebration…….Not really looking forward to all the flying back and forth madness….
Post # 9
i’m also having two weddings. (i’m glad i’m not the only one). we’re having our “american wedding” on saturday and then our indian wedding the next day. basically we’re doing the indian wedding for his parents as he’s not big into their culture. they’re planning the entire thing from food to ceremony to our outfits, etc. basically we’re just showing up. i’d like to have a bigger hand in helping to plan it, but they seem happy enough doing it themselves. i guess we’ll just have to wait and see!
Post # 10
Nice to see the multiple-ceremony-thing isn’t totally left-field…
Post # 11
Yea! We aren’t the only ones having two ceremonies! Ours are on the same day. The schedule will be:
9:30 ceremonies at guruthwara begin
12:00 langar begins (vegetarian Indian lunch)
3:00 ceremony at church begins
6:00 cocktail hour / reception
It’ll be a crazy day. Both ceremonies are important to me. I really want to make everyone happy, including myself and my fiance. I’m definitely concerned about both outfits. I want to look good all day, since it is all taking place on the same day. And truth be told I’ll be wearing the salwar kameez for most of the day!
Ended up sort of compromising. My FMIL is getting the fabric from England and I’ll get it made in the US. My sister might even make it. It isn’t that hard to make a salwar kameez, and my sister is something of a wiz with the sewing machine. My mom and my sister will most likely get their dresses at the place near my house, because according to my FMIL those are not dressy enough for a bride, but dressy enough for guests.
Yay – I’m excited to see the fabric!
Post # 12
We’re also having more than one wedding. We’re going to have an intimate beach DW with the white dress etc… The DW will only be symbolic since the paperwork requirements are a pain! Then we will do the legal part of it at the courthouse. Then we will do a Nikah. We’re looking forward to all of our weddings!
Post # 13
Well kind of!!!!
We’re having the legal wedding here in the UK, then flying to Brazil (not on the same day though :)) to have the church ceremony….
Then we’re having a party in the UK for our family and friends who can’t fly to Brazil, but it won’t really be a real wedding by then..
Post # 14
Whoaa… 4 weddings is craziness!!
We are having a legal union in Switzerland that my parents are flying in for next month, then next year we will have a proper Catholic wedding in the States so the rest of my family can come.
Seemed the most fair way for both families to be involved… plus we didn’t want to rush into planning a church wedding this year. Gives us time to do the big to-do. 🙂
Post # 15
We had 2 ceremonies. 🙂 One was a legal ceremony to comply with the legal requirements for our fiance visa and the other was our “official”/family/religious ceremony that we had 6 months later when both of our families could be there to celebrate with us. 🙂 I’m very very glad that we did both and didn’t just leave it at the civil ceremony!
Post # 16
Glad to see that we are not the only ones! We are planning on doing two full weddings: one here in the US and one in Europe. I have a lot of family that live in Europe (that’s where I’m from), so I really wanted to do it there, but we also wanted to include all of SO’s family and our friends here in the US, so we decided to just do two full weddings. Will be very challenging, but I think it will be worth it in the end. In a way, this is a true marriage of two cultures by doing weddings in both countries. The only thing that I am concerned about is the rather long gap between them: the European wedding will be some time in August and the US one in October…