Is anyone else having two weddings due to different religions/cultures etc?

posted 7 years ago in Interfaith
Post # 3
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

We had a civil ceremony and reception for about 100 people (both families, all our friends, etc). Bringing every important person in our lives together was a priority for both of us on our wedding day. 

Now, 9 months later, we are planning intimate religious ceremonies in his faith and mine. Not like a second wedding, just the ceremony and going out to eat. We invited both sets of parents + a couple of his close relatives to “his” ceremony and both sets of parents + a couple of my close relatives to “my” ceremony. We didn’t want people to feel like we were overdoing it and having multiple weddings 🙂 

I think you should consider having one main wedding day with a reception for everyone – bringing people together is what weddings are all about! 

Post # 5
Member
747 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

we’re having two, well, maybe 3. i’m a non religious american, FI’s family is catholic nigerian. they wanted us to have a traditional igbo wedding (their tribe), so we will do that. i felt very strongly about everyone being welcome for both, we are a blending of cultures and we’re proud of that, i don’t think we should have to keep everything seperate. while not everyone is happy about it, we are having 2 ceremonies on the same day. if we had them a week apart, people who have to travel to be with us would have to pick one ceremony to be part of. it makes for a LONG day for everyone, and if they can’t be there for the whole thing, that’s ok with us. as long as we keep things moving, everyone well fed, and entertained, it should be fine. FI’s mother would also like us to have some sort of catholic ceremony, we’ll see. i have no interest in taking part in that.

as far as invitiing everyone to both, i think it very much depends on the situation and what you want. is one just a small thing to appease family? is it because you align yourselves with multiple faiths? could you have two officients (priest & a rabbi for example) work together on the ceremony?

Post # 6
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Yes. My FH and I are both very spiritual Pagan, although I wouldn’t call us Wiccans. We both have a very strong tie and connection to nature and I really really want a ceremony where we can honor that. 

However, his grandmother is devoutly Christian and we both have a few Born-again Christians in the family who would be completely outraged at anything other than a traditional Church wedding. It would be fine, but heresy and mocking a religion we respect as we grew up in it – isn’t what we want for a wedding.

Our plans are are to have a small, private ceremony in a place we cherish with a handful of friends(witnesses) to our religious ceremony then schedule the non-Denominational Western wedding for a date not shortly afterwards. 

This way we get what we want, don’t offend any family.. and don’t have to censor ourselves. 

Post # 7
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Hi! My fiance is a muslim, so last year we had a religious wedding ceremony to bless the relationship. We’re now engaged to be married, which will be the ‘English’ wedding. One thing I’ve learnt is that, with interfaith marriages, you need to forget all of the rules of engagement/weddings and make your own! 😉

Post # 8
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We had 3 ceremonies + the legal signing of the papers.  Only our parents, my sister, and a close friend went to the two major ceremonies (the 3rd was for my church that only I am apart of), but that was because they were held in 2 different countries.

In regards to your situation, a friend of mine is a convert to Islam who married a Muslim man whose family comes from several different cultures (I believe they had to incorporate 6 different traditions altogether).  They had a traditional Muslim wedding, but they incorporated a lot of traditions from her Canadian context (walking down the aisle with her parents, bridesmaids (but they were in saris/lengas), a white hijab/veil, a regular wedding dress altered with a bolero to be more ‘modest’, mocktails instead of cocktails, a ceremony that was Muslim in content but had many non Muslims involved in their own readings/blessings/sharing thoughts etc.  They also had time and space for prayers, but during this time I believe they had something else for the non Muslims to do to keep them busy. I think in the end everyone was satisfied that everyone had been respected. 

Post # 9
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Well I’m not sure that you are going to be able to have a Muslim wedding because according to Islam a Muslim girl is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man. So when you go to the Mosque to request that they do your ceremony for you they won’t agree to do it because its actually forbidden for them to do it by their religion. He could convert to Islam and then they would marry you but if he chooses to do that then there is no reason for a church wedding. And he shouldn’t convert to a religion that he doesn’t believe in because thats wrong. Also since you are not religious, if you care, you would still be unmarried according to Islam so long as he is non-Muslim and you have not had a Muslim wedding ceremony. 

Post # 12
Member
487 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We are likely to be having two. My fiance is a Muslim and I am a Christian. Both will be fairly small but not sure whether they will be on the same day or how close in time they will be, but both will be completed by September next year.

Post # 13
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

We’re having a small Catholic ceremony just for close family (about 10 guests), followed by a short, intimate brunch afterwards.  Then, the next day, we’re having a larger non-denominational ceremony (about 100 guests), followed by full traditional western reception.  The first one is mainly for family, and the second one is the one that’s important to us, but they’re both our “real” wedding – we’re getting married in 2 different ways!

It’s been a huge task planning both of these events, but I think it’s worth it.  They’re completely different ceremonies.  We’ll wear traditional Indonesian clothes and have religious readings and prayer for the first ceremony.  We’ll wear western clothes and have a beautiful outdoor setting and secular readings for the second ceremony.  The only overlap will be the rings.

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@GirlWithARing: did get a lot of heat from your families for not making the religious ceremonies as part of your wedding event?  my fiance and i are currently considering doing the same thing b/c two ceremonies in one day would be two expensive.

Post # 15
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Yes! My finace are different religions which is causing many many issues.  His parents are OK with the engagement so long as he doesn’t convert, and my parents are completely against if he won’t convert.  Both of us have similar ideas on religion and how to raise our children, but we don’t want to upset either side.  So, we are having two completely seperate wedding’s/ wedding ceremonys.  The one will be with his family and their friends in a traditional hindu style, which we won’t tell my parents about bc to them it will be sacreligious. And the other will be a Muslim wedding, which his parents won’t know about bc it will require him converting.  It is sad that we need to lie to both sets of our parents this way, but ultimately we want to be together and the religion and cultural differences have left us no other choice.  Both of the weddings will be at completely different times and have completely different guest lists.  We are only inviting our siblings very close friends who know about our religion/family issues to both weddings.  It is A LOT of stress, our situation is sort of an extreme one and if your families are open minded it might not need to come to this.  But for us this seems like the only way to appease both sides.  

Post # 16
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - White Horse Inn

We are having a morning hindu ceremony, then a lunch, then a 4-5 hour break due to heat then an early evening traditional (western) ceremony then cocktail hour then a full reception! The day before is a welcome party and all the guests are invited to everything. But I have NO CLUE how to find a good invitation for us cause there are so many events!!

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