Before replying to this thread, PLEASE remember the forum rules and that if we're going to have a discussion, it should be a calm and civil one. Just because someone doesn't think the way you do doesn't make them wrong!
So with that said, is anyone else here planning on NOT having children?
My fiance and I do NOT want children. We know we would be amazing parents and that when it is your own, it is different. But we don't like kids. We're total misanthropes who don't want to deal with other parents. We're disappointed in the current state of the world and believe if you aren't 100% committed to the idea, you shouldn't do it (at least in terms of such a life altering decision).
We are not the frothing at the mouth "childfree" people that unfortunately are associated with the term. We have nothing against children. They're just not for us. There is a very long list for why we do not want to have kids from vague things like overpopulation to very particular things (like watching my parents finally having an empty nest and realizing they were almost strangers).
I see all the TTC threads and I know that most of you dream of babies and children and grandchildren. I know I'm not the only person out there who feels this way. Is anyone on the forum in the same boat as me?
Well... I can't say I'm in the same boat, but I do understand you!
Right now I absolutely do not want children... for now. I know FI and I would be great parents and I know that in the future we will want them.
But even still its not a super exciting thing to me - at least not yet. Weddings also didn't used to excite me and now look at me!
I understand though that for a lot of people the idea of having kids never excites them and no matter how many times you hear annoying people tell you that "that'll change" it doesn't. I have a lot of friends that are older than me who choose to be child free and not because they don't like kids either. Which people also like to assume... haha.
I get it though. I'm sure there are many more people that feel the same as you!
FI and I are not having children. I love my life doing as I please to travel and enjoy life as we do now.
We have nothing against children either. Children are just not going to be a part of our lives for us as parents.
I'm glad you brought up that if someone doesn't think like you it doesn't make them wrong. On my second thread i was severly critized and judged and even had one person go on to bring it up in an entirly different topic 
As for kids I really feel like i don't want children never had the maternal instinct but my FI who never seemed intrested in children before suddenly is considering it, i agree with everything you mentioned and feel pretty much the same way also pregnancy scares the crap out of me! lol it's easy for him to want kids he doesn't have to give birth to one.I really belive that if you don't want children don't people make feel like i'm not a woman because i'm not maternal but it's not that i don't like kids i just like my freedom and quiet more i don't think it makes you a bad person at all.
Fiance and I are, under no uncertain terms, not having children.
Reasons (in general order of importance)
1. It could actually kill me (I have a 60% chance of postpartum psychosis, so really it could kill me or the baby! Or both! Fun times!)2. Money. I like having it. A lot of it.3. I like my job. A lot. More than having to trade shifts or take years off because I have to raise a kid.4. Too many kids out there already anyways, why put my shit genes out there?
The list goes on, but I think you get it. When I told my father that we weren't having any children and that it was because I love my job (I'm a nursing student, currently in clinical practice) and want to devote my time to that, and that having a kid could kill me, he called me selfish and couldn't understand how anything could measure up to having a kid.
Fun times!
I'm not exactly in that boat, but I will say my current SO is the only man who has ever made me feel like I could still have a fulfilling life if we somehow are not able to have kids on the future.
@Peacockfeather: It bothers me when people call you selfish for not wanting children it's just another person using up resources makes no sense to me if anything your job is very selfless and the world really needs you!
Right now, yes. Five years from now? Probably. lol I wish I could eventually have grandkids without have children though!
Count me in! There is no reason or person who could make me change my mind either. There is a lot of mental illness that runs in my family, and I don't want to be the next parent who has a child who commits suicide.
Im on the "I want kids in the future boat" Like....way into the future..I love my life with just me and my fiance being able to do what we want whenever we want. But most likely in about 10 years we will want one.
Yep, no kids for us either. Neither of us want kids and we feel so happy that we both think the same way. We are looking forward to using our money to travel and do the things we want. Some people may say that's selfish, but no one says you have to have children, it is a choice, and our choice is no thanks!
FH and I don't want children either.
Most everyone that I've talked to just can't fathom the idea of someone being happy without children. My mom thinks I will change my mind because I have a uterus and every woman wants to reproduce. My FSIL is the only person who doesn't think I'm a horrible person for not wanting children.
wanting kids in the future is not the same as being childfree. It's a completely different sentiment.
And no, for the love of all that is holy it doesn't mean we hate kids. I have a degree in developmental psych. For years I worked with kids for a living. Kids love me. I love kids. Magically, it makes me a freak of nature if I don't want any!
.... This whole thing with my dad has made me very bitter about it all. That and my FMIL telling my fiance not to get a vasectomy because surely I talked him into not having kids, and we're going to divorce and he'll change his mind. UGH.
@Peacockfeather: wanting kids in the future is not the same as being childfree. It's a completely different sentiment.
This exactly. It kind of annoys me when people say it and is part of the reason that soooooo many people question or comment when you say that you are not having children.
We are childfree but we don't feel the need to justify our choice with reasons why. Why should we? No one asks people who choose to have kids to justify their choice.
We are most emphatically not having kids. I've never wanted them, wasn't even that into dolls and such growing up. I am, however, into free time, money, and choosing how to spend said free time and money. FI is on board with me 100%, which is awesome. We have dogs, love our furbabies, refer to them as "the kids", would love to get another, but we don't want kids or the lifestyle that goes along with it.
Also, I am going to get flamed for this, but it's anonymous so I'll admit it: I don't particularly like kids. They have weird high-pitched voices, they don't "act right" in public (or private), they're needy, and there's a fairly high likelihood of them emitting some kind of noxious substance, at least when they're young. Add babysitting and planning ahead onto that, and.... not for me. We have friends with kids and I am pleasant to and tolerate them, but I don't particularly enjoy being around them or playing with them.
I would happily get sterilized but you still get your period (for some reason there are no prophylactic hysterectomies) which is unpleasant and really doesn't seem necessary, so for now it's the pill and after the wedding I am going to look into Mirena. FI is also considering getting a vasectomy, but he's being kind of a baby about the genital surgery thing. :)
Glad to see a thread on this topic!
@soontobeMrsBoo: I don't particularly like kids. They have weird high-pitched voices, they don't "act right" in public (or private), they're needy, and there's a fairly high likelihood of them emitting some kind of noxious substance, at least when they're young. Add babysitting and planning ahead onto that, and.... not for me.
If you're going to get flamed, then so am I! I do not like kids, period.
My husband and I are not having children. He had a vasectomy and I had a hysterectomy (mine was, of course, was medically necessary, but I wanted to have a sterilization party). If we get pregnant, we better end up in a textbook somewhere.
There are a plethora of reason why we don't want kids. My husband is way more uncomfortable with children than I am, but we've had extensive talks on this. We think overpopulation is a real problem, we like being able to go where we want when we want, we like spending money on what we want, we don't want the responsibility for the next 18+ years of another human being, I think pregnancy/birth is disgusting (this is my opinion - I know there are obviously those who disagree), I don't do well with other's bodily fluids no matter how "cute" or related to me they are, etc. It's simply not a life that we want.
It irritates me when people call me selfish. How is knowing my own mind selfish? I think there are a lot more selfish reasons to have kids than not have them.
Okay, those who are still "we want one in the future", that is not childfree!
Anyway, OP, I am childfree.
I have many reasons which I will not recite out here, but the biggest one is I just do not want them. All the other reasons are more like "supporting evidence". A lot of supporting evidence, but the only reason I need is not wanting them.
I was an ambivalent procrastinator until I was about 30 though (as in did not want kids but anticipated I would one day). Only, it was the opposite. One day I realized I did not want them and did not have them and it was life a huge weight lifted off of me. Fortunately, though I did not realize it fully until after I was married, my husband is totally supportive and has realized he likes living life childfree too. We still have kids in our lives (such as nephews) if we want but we enjoy the freedom of not having any of our own.
We really have never had any pushback about it, and indeed as we have gotten older (early to late 30s) more and more of our peers who DID have kids will randomly (without even knowing we are childfree) tell us not to have kids. Not because of who we are, but rather because they are exasperated with their own kids/life as a parent. So we actually get a lot of support for it!
Anyway, I do find on most forums (not the childfree oriented ones obviously!) of any type there are more people having or wanting children than not, but we do make up about 10% of the population so we are out there.
I HAVE children and I just wanted to say I have no idea why you guys get flack for not wanting any. It makes zero sence to me. Kids doesn't equal a fulfilled life. You can have an amazing life with wonderful experences and not have children.
FI and I aren't having kids, either. He works with kids and I like them just fine, I just don't want to have any. Like soontobeMrsBoo, I'll be on the pill until after the wedding and then will look into Mirena or something. FI doesn't want a vasectemy so I guess it's up to me to work that part out, heh. It's been really hard for our families to understand so I'm glad there's some support here!
@Obx1008: Well at least we'll be able to take ourselves out to a movie or the bar or whatever to cheer ourselves up without having to find babysitters and plan 3 weeks in advance. :)
@karatechick27: I hate the selfish thing. I am not being selfish. I am choosing a lifestyle that's right for me. If I had a kid because "that's what you do" or whatever and then continued my lifestyle the way I have been living it, that would be selfish. And if I changed my lifestyle for a kid (which I would do, of course) I would resent it, and probably end up with a screwed up kid. Now that's selfish. I am living a life that harms no one, or at least I try to harm no one. I am happy, healthy, I make a difference and improve people's lives, I'm not a selfish person. I just want to be able to continue to do that.
@soontobeMrsBoo: I don't like kids either. At all. So you are not alone in that sentiment.
I want to remain childfree - but FI does not. He is really, REALLY concerned with passing on his family name since he is an only son in his family. If we don't have kids, his name dies with him - and that drives him crazy.
I've tried to convince myself that I want kids. Some days I think I've accomplished it, and then my sister or FSIL will post pics or statuses about their kids (L is now waking up at 3:30am and staying awake until bed time! E is fussy and cries all day! J is sassy, throws fits, won't listen!) and I just think... I can't handle that.
I like my sleep. I like having money. I like being able to do what I want, when I want and not have to rely on sitters, or family to help me do these things. I also do not like the state this world is in. I think about school shootings. Bullying. Student loans, debt. The pressure to work longer hours for less pay. And I think, It's only going to get worse. Do I want to subject another human being to this?
No thanks. I don't know what I'll do when FI. really starts pushing to have kids. I'm hoping his age will make him re-think kids :3
~ Just wanted to add that I like kids! I love my nieces and nephews but in very small doses! lol
I am on the fence. I grew up as the oldest child in a family of 8 (well, my older brother lived with our dad - we are the only same dad/mom sibling). I HATED children when I was at home and for a long while afterward - not that I hated them as individuals, but I just hated being forced into basically raising babies when I was a teenager, being poor, etc. I have only now started to actually want children of my own with my husband. I am still on the fence though. Sometimes I want to be childfree forever because I love the life that my husband and I have, but othertimes I really want a child of my own - one that my husband and I created. I am now 30 and so if I am going to have kids I think it should be soon, but I am so torn. Is anyone in the same boat, and what are your decisions/thoughts for long-term? I have been searching various boards for "answers" and insights!
I adore kids -- I'm an elementary school teacher. I just don't want any of my own, and FI agrees. :-) So that's us!
@jessmicas: a lot of your reasons are the same as ours. We love having the little money we do, we love sleep, we love having nice things when we can afford them without worrying about them being ruined, and all the messes that come with kids are just too much for me.
@MrsFutureG: My FI and I are on the fence about it. We say if we do have then it will be ONLY ONE. It seems that ever since we announced our engagement that's all people want to ask about. Sometimes it's frustrating bc it doesnt seem like people understand that not EVERYONE wants/needs kids.
My best friend/MOH has 3 and she swears that anyone who doesnt have kids it's because they can't have any. Nevermind the fact that she has 3 and her situation isnt good at all. I just try to change the subject when she begins talking about it.
@jessmicas: exactly. that and having to give up my job or work a job and then raise kids. This is what makes me torn.
@paradox: YES. This. My husband never wanted children and couldn't stand them (it turns out it's just misbehaved children, but who wants that!) and now all of the sudden he is talking about how he wants some, some day! I was totally set on not having children and being able to live our carefree life where we travel around the world and buy what we want / cook amazing food, etc. etc. What's with the switch! lol
@MissFireFlower: People like you make me have a little more faith in humanity.
I'm definitely not trying to incite anything here, so please don't read into this that way, but does anyone else who's childfree/CBC see the posts on TTC and pregnancy and get all squicked/wtf/thankthegoodlordthat'snotpercolatinginmyuterus-y? Some of the stories are absolutely heartbreaking; I know for a fact I'd have a reasonably low chance of conceiving compared to the norm (celiac + tilted uterus + bad meds), so reading posts where people are trying so hard kinda makes me glad I don't have to go through that stress and heartache. It's bad enough watching strangers on the internet go through it, I can't imagine it for myself.
@soontobeMrsBoo: I definately agree with you, I hate when people say that women who don't want to have children are selfish. IMO, women who have children because it is what society deems is right, when they don't want them or don't like kids are being selfish. They're going to be hurting themselves, and their poor child should not be subjected to feelings of neglect and being unwanted. For the record, I love children and can't wait to have them, but I completely understand why couples decide not to, and don't think they should be judged. There are sooooo many bad parents out there, who I think jumped into having kids without being ready for the responsibility. It's alot more responsible to not have kids when you know it is not what you want or is whats best for you and your relationship
@Peacockfeather: Yes! I read some of the posts in Pregnancy and TTC, and it makes me so grateful that I will never go through any of that!
@moleskinlover: I hate the societal push. It actually terrifies me. I'm part of the childfree subreddit, and we have posts all the time of 'oh, we're not sure if we're CBC or not, we figure if we have a kid, it just happens and we'll live with it'.
Like what the actual fuck. You're taking a $500,000+, 18+ year committment with that level of apathy? People won't even buy iPods with that little thought, but having a baby?!
Yep! I've never been that girl who sees babies and thinks they're cute/wants one etc. I just don't get the appeal. I don't hate kids or anything, but I just don't want one. They are so much work and responsibility, pregnancy disgusts me completely, I really strongly wouldn't want a boy but there is no controlling that, and it's a major disruption to our lives. We have freedom now! And our house isn't destroyed by messy gooey sticky children. We have a cat :)
@MrsFutureG: We already have two!! They are awesome!!! You should really reconsider?!?!
We have a 4 year old and 1 1/2 year old. A girl, Maya, and a boy, Max. They are adorable, we love playing with them and going to the park. Yes, they have lots of energy and sometimes do gross things, but it kind of grows on you after awhile. While they act like brother and sister, they look nothing like. One is black and the other is brown....but both are labrador retrievers. Oh wait, this is a thread about wanting real babies? Not fur babies? Sorry :)
To answer the actual question, I have moments of..."oh that baby is so cute," but then I snap back to reality and think of all the work it takes to raise and care for a child. FI and I are really undecided right now. We have been happily together for 9 years wihtout children and plan to remain so for quite a long time (if not forever). We do NOT have a strong urge to have any and while FI loves children....he is not stoked or super interested in actually raising them. I am on the same page at this point as well.
@bmo88: You got me good. I had a rage!moment there for real.
@Peacockfeather: Sorry, I had to. I get super excited about raising my pups. So I thought I would show my enthusiasm for what I consider to be my two (and only) children. :)
SO and I are completely childfree and LOVING it! Best decision I ever made, especially when I see others with children. SO's brother just had a baby girl last year (she's nearly 10 months now), and while she is absolutely adorable and sweet, I thank my lucky stars everytime we get to hand her back to her parents! They tell us the stories about getting up at 5am everyday, rarely getting time alone together, etc. I just would not be able to do it. I'm completely content with beng an aunt.
Not to mention, I love to travel and am very career oriented. A lot of people look at me and say, "oh just wait you'll want one in 5 years." Or I've been called selfish and ignorant before for my beliefs. I just tell them, "Sure, I'll have a child, but since I'll be busy travelling and working, they'll probably be neglected and be around nannies a lot." That usually shuts them up pretty quick!
I support anyone's decision to remain child free for any reason or no reason at all. I had planned to be child free and was looking forward to an unencumbered life, but circumstances led me down a different path. Tip for anyone who has decided kids aren't for you: do NOT stop taking the pill before your IUD is placed. Seems so obvious in retrospect....
At any rate, it's not selfish and it's nobody's business. Good for you for making an informed, rational decision.
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