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Do you have any mutual friends that kept their names? It might help to point out that it is becoming quite common. Fortunately, my FH never asked me to change mine, but we have lots of friends who never changed theirs, including his stepmom, so it was nothing new to him. I am adding something in the program using wording from an at-home card (these have been discussed on weddingbee a few times) such as "Ms. Karasue and Mr. FH will be at home after this date."
I'm not changing my name, but I also am not going to mind if people call me Mrs. Husband'sLastName. I'm keeping my own name for personal and professional reasons, so I'll be Dr. MaidenName but will gladly respond to Mrs. Husband'sLastName. I'm not going to go around introducing myself with his last name, but I'm not too worried about it. (Kids will have his last name, btw.) I always get a little annoyed when a woman who has kept her own name gets pissy about being accidentally called by her husband's last name. I know it's convention and that people will accidentally do it without meaning anything by it, so I'm determined to not get upset if/when it happens. I think that mindset is helping me.
As for my fiance, he says he understands, and although I can tell he's a little ... wistful that I'm not taking his name, he's not upset about it. I was kind of undecided for a while, and I read about someone who asked her fiance if he would consider taking HER last name -- and he said yes! She was so impressed by his willingness to change his name that she decided to go ahead and change hers, so she took his name after the wedding. I posed the same question to my fiance, and he said he would not consider changing his name, and he acknowledges the double-standard and understands that I want to keep my name. He has a cousin whose wife kept her own name, and another who hyphenated, so I'm not doing anything groundbreaking here. I think he feels a little better about it because he knows some people may call me by his name anyway and I'm not going to mind, and also that I want our kids to have his name.
As for announcing it, it will start at the reception when we get announced. Instead of saying, "Mr. and Mrs. Husband'sLastName" (or "Mr. and Dr. Husband'sLastName), we're just going to be announced as "H and E" (our first names). I like the idea of an at-home card wording on the program as well, since we'll be moving after the wedding anyway, so we can announce our new location as well.
Good luck! I know it's a tough decision, but you're not alone!
We're hypenating our names (yes, *gasp* FI will actually be altering his name...) I am going to have the DJ announce us as Mr. and Mrs. Alis-Hamilton. Hopefully people will figure it out. I also bought return address labels with just our new last name on it. If people still don't get it then I have no problem explaining that marriage is about compromises and this is our first one- but if I get any negativity or "wow, he's so whipped! That's such a big deal to change your name- if you're a guy!"
I might just rip their head off.
I'm not changing my name. We aren't having kids, which seems to be a big reason to do it. Most of my friends haven't changed their name, partially for professional reasons, partially because it's a giant pain in the rear, and most of them aren't having kids. I don't see any good reason to do it, so I'm not. :)
I've been referred to as Mrs. Hisname several times since we got married, mostly by older relatives. No biggie. If it's important, I'll correct them, otherwise they aren't doing it to be offensive so I won't be offended.
I didn't change my name, although I may consider it if and when we have kids. I haven't run into any snags about this. He actually preferred it this way - he said he felt sad when his sisters changed theirs when they got married.
If you predict that your keeping of your last name may cause confusion, an announcement (or return address labels on thank you cards) may clarify things.
MissBanana, I just want to chime in that it's really nice to hear someone be so forthright about not having kids. We're 95% sure that we don't want to, but I get SUCH looks when I tell most people that. It helps that you're in a group of friends without a lot of kids, but still.
I'm in a similar crowd in which most people don't change their names - most of us are marrying a bit older and have established ourselves professionally. Mr.GV and I have had two 5-minute-long discussions about it, which have basically gone, "You know I'm not changing my name, right?" "You're kidding, right? Of course you're not." "Cool." 
I imagine most people won't expect me to change my name, but I'm in the same boat as some of the other posters... I won't mind, but I may gently correct them, depending on the person.
I'm not changing my name either, for personal and for professional reasons, and fiance is totally on board. My mom didn't change her name and my sister and I don't have identity issues as a result. As for spreading the word, I'm doing as previous posters have suggested. We're getting announced by our first names and the return address labels for our thank you cards will show that I have kept my maiden name.
saramari - I know how you feel! I don't plan on changing my name, and my FI is a bit sore about it. I got him to feel a little better about it by saying I'd be fine with having people call me Mrs. Hislastname socially if he likes, but I won't change it legally and esp. professionally. If it's important to you, then just stand firm but remain calm about it - I don't think my rants about equality and stuff had much effect on FI. :)
I'm keeping my name as well for a number of reasons. The first is that I'm an academic, so name changing is an uncommon practice in my professional and social world (even if I don't have a long list of publications that would make changing my name confusing). The second type of reason is the run of the mill feminist stuff -- being identified as another's property and so on. Although an argument in favor of changing your name (and the reason that many still change if not simply for the sake of tradition) is that it is symbolic of now being one family, and I do think that changing your name can be sweet for this reason. So the feminist argument doesn't really clinch it for me. What does is that I'm lazy and hate bureaucratic paperwork, and by keeping my name I can avoid nearly all of it. Yay! (This can also work as a surrogate reason if you want to avoid a politically charged conversation about the status of women and the institution of matrimony).
My fiance's mother kept her name, so me keeping mine is no big deal to him. He also knows that I would gripe about the paperwork and this way he doesn't have to hear me complain. It's fairly easy to spread the word that you don't plan on changing it. If the topic comes up, or people hint about your upcoming name change, just let them know that you don't intend to do it. (Just as when people hint about us having kids, I mention that we don't intend to do that either...)
One way you may be able to make your fiance feel better is to remind him that there's no urgent reason to change your name right away -- you can do it at any time if for some reason you later decide to take his (or he yours).
Not changing your name seems to be the way it goes these days. When my fh and I got engagaged I was shocked by the number of people who asked me if I was going to change my name after we got married. I always just assumed I would change my name, it never occured to me not to; therefore, it caught my by surprise that so many people asked me about it. We've given it long thought, and I'm sticking with changing my name. Now that I tell people this confidently, they act surprised -- like I am out of the norm. Maybe it is because of my profession, my name is so much a part of who I am (I am a teacher) -- Everyone calls me Miss Myname -- a hundered times everyday -- so the change seems strange. I am also getting my master's degree, so many assumed I would want to keep my name for that. I think that by today's standards you are more in the norm than I am!
I had a really hard time with this because the family name will die out if my sisters or I don't keep our name. (Well, not really because it's a huge Scottish clan, but our "line" will.) So I was thinking I wanted to keep it for that reason, but then I realized that was the case with my mother's maiden name, her mother's maiden name and a few others in our recent history. (Lots of strong women in my family!)
I figured I can't play favorites so now I'm planning on First OldFamilyLast HisLast. My maiden name doesn't sound great in front of his while the family name does and it will be easy to slip in as a child's first or middle name.
We'll see how it works. :-)
C. never expected me to change my name and briefly entertained the idea of changing his... although he is the only male kid, so he wanted to keep his. I guess I'm a little sad that my kids won't share my last name... That's the only hook for me. (of course that pre-supposes that we're having kids, which is another outstanding question in our minds).
As a pediatrician I already feel like I have 100's of kids and don't necessarily need more!
I had always planned on keeping my name and my fiance never thought anything of it. His mother kept her maiden name when she was married and my mother had done the same. Even though I'm keeping it for selfish reasons (can't help it- it's been mine all my life!) I'd also like to think that I'm just keeping with tradition
Coinceidently my fi's last name is also my mother's maiden name...so it could've gone either way really.
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@Gorges, no kids was one of the easiest decisions we've made as a couple. I haven't noticed any looks though anyone who knows us won't doubt that we thought through it and a look wouldn't change anything. People who don't know us probably see the confidence with which we answer and know that it's not up for discussion. :)
But this thread reminds me that I need to change my WB name to MsBanana now that I'm married! (Apparently keeping your name makes you a Ms. not a Mrs. I'm not sure it really matters anymore)
I'm still undecided on this issue. Somehow it came up at dinner with my fiance's family and his mom and sister had a very negative reaction. They are VERY traditional; I've never heard the words tradition and etiquette mentioned so many times in my life as when we talk about the wedding. Even my own mom had a negative reaction initially. It's definitely not the norm to keep your name where I'm from. Part of me wants to buck 'tradition', but it's pretty hard many people seem to have an issue with it. Especially when his mom is the type that will make a point to tell anyone who will listen that I didn't want to take her son's name and how horrible that is. We'll see what happens in the end; I change my mind every day :)
@Miss/MsBanana: I was wondering about Ms. vs. Mrs. if you kept your own name. Where did you find this out?
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My FH will actually be taking my last name when we marry, though he anticipates using his "bachelor" name for promotional purposes (he's a musician). I'm sort of attached to my name, he didn't want me to give it up, he's not especially attached to his, and I think we'd both like for us to have the same last name.
Regarding Miss/Ms, I'm not sure of the exact reasoning behind it, but since Miss indicates that you are umarried, and Mrs is supposedly derived from Mr's (as in property of Mr.), it doesn't make sense to use either of those, so Ms it would have to be, if the last names are different but the couple is married.
I imagine when people inevitably refer to me as Mrs. Hislastname, I will jokingly let them know that actually he's become my property. ;)
@cricketpe Wikipedia, I think.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mrs.
"Mrs is not properly used before a woman's birth name nor before a last name that differs from her husband's, such as if she has hyphenated her surname and he has not. For example, "Mrs Jane Miller" or "Mrs Jane Miller-Smith" would be incorrect (see the exceptions below for never-married mothers and high-ranking servants)."
I was always wondering about Ms vs Mrs ... Here's what wikipedia has to say about the Ms. honorific:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ms.
But, I'm totally excited to change my name. Wrong crowd!! 
i'm not changing my last name and my FI is totally fine with it. i think it's an outdated tradition anyway. from the days when the wife was treated more as property than as an independent person.
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Yaay@your're a michigan Bride!
I'm not changing my last name. Like you, I like mine.
My fiance reacted the same way at first. Then I asked, "Well, if you want to share a last name you can take mine."
He instantly left it alone. I think i t made him realize... why should I expect her to change her last name if I am unwilling to do so myself? Because I have a penis?
He is now super supportive. In our relationship we are on equal playing ground financially and are a 50/50 partnership.
My dad gives me a hard time. I love my father, but I think he is sexist- It was sort of hypocritic of him to raise such independent girls. When I was little he always told us we could do whatever we wanted, that we never needed a man in our lives. He'll get over the last name thing, he loves me :)
I also am happy someone is honest about not wanting kids. I dislike other people's children, and am unsure if I want my own. Not because I dislike children, because I don't know if Im going to want to do what needs to be done to raise them properly (i.e. give up aggressively pursuing my career) I'm not a fan of day care, and feel if you have kids, you need to sacrfice. Boy.. do I get terrible looks. I'm glad there are other women out there who feel similar.
if career is the reason why you're not changing your name, what's your profession?
i haven't decided if i want to change or not. but probably not just cause i'm too lazy to do the paper work...
My sister did not change her name - she is a PhD chemist, working in a fairly high profile position with the government. If her husband has/had any issues with that, I haven't heard about them - although I have to say that I think a guy would have to have some pretty serious self-esteem stuff going on, if he felt he had to stamp his possession quite so obviously on his bride.
My DH didn't at all expect me to change my name. I am a consulting engineer, and have worked all over the world in my field. Although I'm not published in the way a scientist or academic might be, I do have a lot of name recognition. After a lot of thought I have decided to add DH's name to mine, but continue using my maiden name professionally. It was kind of touching how much it meant to him - and even more so because I know he would never have pressured me in any way.
On the issue of kids - we are not planning on having any. He has two from his first marriage, and has custody, and it is going to be enough of an accomplishment to finish raising them. While I dearly love my little niece, and my friends' kids, I have no overwhelming desire to have any of my own. I personally think the issue of changing your name because of future kids is a moot point. My sister has experienced no issues with having a different last name from her daughter - it's much more the norm than you would think, with all the divorce nowadays. And I have called to make doctors appts, to get medical records, and for school issues for DH's kids - nobody even blinks when I give my name and say that I'm their mother. I don't really think it's any kind of issue for kids either - being their mom or dad is so much more about the time you spend with them and the relationship you have than sharing a name, and most kids are smart enough to realize that.
I'm going into medicine; I'll graduate from medical school 2 weeks before the wedding, so I will already have earned my title as Dr. CurrentName (but that's not really factoring into why I'm not changing my name, because I won't be licensed by then, and I can always change my medical license, etc.). I've done research with my maiden name, and that factors into it a tiny tiny bit (but it's not like I've already made a name for myself in a particular research field). Basically, it's because I've wanted to be a doctor since I was a little girl, and I always imagined myself as "Dr. CurrentLastName." It's something I've worked toward my entire life, and while I can't say that my fiance hasn't supported me a lot emotionally while I do this, it's not really anything that has anything to do with him; it's something I feel I own and have earned by myself.
Also, he is sort of in the public eye (he's a reporter), and a lot of people know his name and that I'm in medicine. I like the fact that if someone likes or dislikes him (not that there's anything to dislike!), it will be a little harder to figure out who I am and identify my medical practice because of it. Same with me; I don't want a patient who sees I have a wedding ring on being able to run to the phone book to see who the rest of my family is. Maybe that's weird, but he and I have both had issues like that already.
I changed my name. I am very independent and was married at 31. I in no way feel like this makes me his property, and to be honest, I think it is really cool to have the same last name. I didn't think I would be that into it, but I actually like it. And for me, it is nice having one name all the time, and not having both used based on the circumstance. The paperwork is a huge pain and I have to change my name professionally etc etc.
I only say this because I don't think that people who decide to change their names should be looked down upon anymore than people who decide to keep theirs. My friends are a mixed bag - and to each their own. Our relationship is mutually supportive in all ways - a name is a name. Please don't judge people based on their decision either way.
I'm definitely not changing my name, and I'm on the it's-antiquated bandwagon. My fiance is 100% fine with it and never even assumed that I would so it was a non-issue. We may both hyphenate if we end up having children.
Thank you all for responding. I will show this post to my fiance, and hopefully he'll feel better!
We are from a (literally!) one-stoplight town, and I don't know anyone from this town who has kept their own name. I am in higher education in a Big Ten university, and, of course, no one in this setting changes their names. I have one foot on one planet, and the other on another. To me it's no big deal, but to him it's monumental.
Thanks again, and good luck to everyone!
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Hello friends!
In the spirit of the name discussion going on in the boards, I thought I would seek out other brides who aren't changing their names. It can be a lonely place out there for us! :)
The name change issue is kind of a point of contention with me and my fiance. He understands why I want to keep my name (mostly because I like my name and the person that represents, but also for professional reasons), but I also know part of him wishes I would take his name and feels slightly offended by it.
How can I make him feel better about this? Also, how are you planning to spread the word that you're Mrs. Maiden Name instead of Mrs. Married Name?