Post # 1
My wedding is next weekend and I am just not that excited. There was a point where I could not think about walking down the isle to the man I loved without getting teary eyed. Now, I just want it to be over. I feel like this wedding has become a burden on my life and I just want to get back to normal. It’s not because I have SO much to do- everything is already taken care of. I love my fiance and want to be his wife, just not with this dog and pony show which was not of my chosing.
Does anyone else feel this way? I feel bad for feeling this way 🙁
Post # 3
@amandasf: I’m really sorry =(
What do you mean it wasn’t of your choosing? How so?
If you didn’t want it the way it’s going to be, that would explain why you’re not excited 😉
Post # 4
@yanamari: I wanted to just sign papers/no big party. It was mostly FI’s parents who wanted a wedding and between both sets of parents it has turned into something that we didnt want. It is a huge, expensive wedding which we have had like no say in.
Not to mention- I work for a non profit and am feeling so much guilt over the money being spent on the wedding/gifts. That money can go to help families for the rest of their lives instead of just one night. Yes, we are making a donaton to the organization, but I still have this guilt.
Post # 5
@amandasf: Then you have absolutely no reason at all to feel bad about not being excited! You’re basically just having a wedding to please the parents. It’s completely understandable that you’re not excited. Don’t feel bad. What is done is done about the actually wedding/reception…You’re making them happy, which isn’t worthless. And I’m sure your guests will have a good time, and you can take all the money/gifts from guests and donate them, if you’re not in need of anything. They wouldn’t donate it otherwise, most likely, so at least your donations of their gifts/money will be a huge contribution to a place or places that would otherwise never have received those gifts!
So… yes, the parents are spending a lot of money that could go elsewhere for the celebration. But they wouldn’t have put it elsewhere. This makes THEM happy, and I think happy parents are important? It will probably make your friends/family happy as well. And… you will have gifts and money that you can donate, which, without the wedding, would never have happened in the first place, because the people who give to you at your wedding most likely would not have donated the money/gift to a charity.
Don’t feel bad about having it. You’re making both sets of parents and family happy, and needy organizations will be getting money/gifts from your guests that they would not have otherwise got without your wedding =) Maybe?
Post # 6
I feel for you. I know the big day will be fun and great, but the planning drama has put such a damper on my excitement. I just am ready for planning to be over, to be married and on our awesome honeymoon together. I’m so ready for life to go back to normal.
Post # 7
@amandasf: We are kind of feeling the same way right now! His parents have caused more drama than we can handle. They pressured us into a big wedding when we wanted a small ceremony now we are trying to take control of thigns again but none of this really seems like its worth the stress, money and emotions. My parents/family have even encouraged us to elope because they are very simple people but his family is going bat sh*t crazy over every detail and omg its just not worth it lol. I dont blame you one bit!
Post # 8
What you’re feeling is pretty normal. I felt the same way for several weeks before my wedding. My situation was a bit different from yours. I never wanted to plan a wedding and wasn’t sure I wanted to have one at all, but I felt it was important to my parents. However I did plan the wedding the way I (and my husband) wanted it. Still, for several weeks before the wedding, I felt an icky mixture of dread and apathy. I was worried that we were spending so much money and things wouldn’t come off the way I imagined, I felt guilty that so many people were traveling to the wedding, I was worried that it would be so stressful I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy it.
In the end everything about my wedding weekend was so much fun that it makes me wonder why I was so glum/apathetic in the weeks leading up to it. I think it’s just a natural response to stress. Obviously you have some additional reservations, but can you try to look at it as, you and your fiancé’s parents are proud of you and want to have a big celebration for you? That’s a lovely thing even if the wedding isn’t what you would have planned. It will probably make them happier than anything to see you genuinely enjoying yourself. Anyway, it’s happening and feelings of guilt won’t change anything at this point, so just try to ride this wave and have as much fun as you can. You may find yourself so delighted by how it feels to be surrounded by all your loved ones who came to celebrate you and your fiancé, that you won’t even care about the details.
Post # 9
I am with you! So much family drama they’ve all ruined it for me. Can’t wait for it to be over and go back to not talking to these people going forward lol.
Post # 10
@amandasf: I have several freinds and acquaintances who have told me that their big wedding was not what they wanted, it was what their parents wanted. Probably you will always have some regret about this, I just hope that is’t not TOO much regret. We’ll all lift a glass to you, hoping that you have some fun as well!
Post # 11
@amandasf: I feel like this about 50% of the time. I wanted a teeny-tiny simple wedding. As of now it’s still only going to be about 25-30 people and not super elaborate, but it’s much larger and more complicated than my original plan/dream. FI’s family never asks anything about it, or me, or us… most of them have never said congratulations… some don’t even say hi to me when we’re in the same room together… and they’re the majority of the guest list. They’re THE REASON the guest list tripled. Only my mother and maybe 2 friends will be “my”guests, so I’m kind of bummed about that. And then there’s the stress and anxiety over the details. I tried to keep it simple, but things get more complicated than you think, and then of course everyone has their two cents… baah.
So yeah, I feel you. Ágain, I’m not always anxious/unexcited, but about half the time, totally. I think it’s important for brides that feel like we do to just focus on the GETTING MARRIED part, rather than the wedding part. When all is said and done, it’s just one day of your life. You’ll be married to the person you love, and that’s the entire reason for this.
Post # 12
I felt the EXACT same way. Our wedding felt cursed- a lot of really bad crap happened in our lives and the lives of the people around us in the months and weeks leading up to our wedding, and after coming to tears with my MIL about a stupid seating chart, DH and I were both SO ready for it to be over.
The upside of this is that we really stopped caring what happened. Minutiae didn’t matter anymore, we just both wanted to drink and dance and be with our friends (not the obligatory invite old and exteneded family we had no desire to invite but were forced to).
And you know what? On the day of, my MOH and one BM (DH’s amazing 14 year old niece who is like, the coolest kid on the planet) had me so excited from the moment we stepped out of bed that I was just happy. Walking down the aisle was not what I had dreamed of (my dad had passed, so my brother stepped in), but we giggled our way through our ceremony, did our ettiquette duty with the receiving line and walking through our guests and cocktail hour and to each table (quickly…. very, VERY quickly), and by the time dancing started, we each had a very happy buzz on and our friends surrounded us and we had the best freakin’ time. I don’t think I really stopped smiling all day except once when my feet hurt.
The bad stuff melts away in your memory after the fact. I certainly would never in a million years do it again, but one time seems tolerable now that it’s in the past. Focus on your friends who love you, your closest family, and your future husband. Forget about the small stuff. You’ll get through it with your husband and you’ll be ok.
Post # 13
I think this is normal. FI keeps saying how he finds planning our wedding stressful and how much he just wants it to be over as well. Weddings are stressful and full of drama. I think everyone goes through this!
Post # 14
I’m there with you. I have social anxiety, so my idea of a great wedding would be closer to an elopment with maybe the closest of our family and friends (and our dog). I really dread the idea of going from table to table and making small talk with people I dont know. Fi’s family is SO large that I haven’t even met a quarter of them. And my family is a complete drama mess.
I keep visiting wedding sites in hopes that something will spark some excitement, but really the only thing that has has been our honeymoon. But this is what Fi’s family wants, so this is what I am going to give him.
Post # 15
Thanks so much, Bees. It is nice to know that I am not alone. I took this past weekend to really rest. I did nothing yesterday except for go to the gym, laundry and watch tv. I felt so much better. I am starting to feel a bit more excited- mainly the feeling of it all being over and becoming a Mrs., not for the actual party.