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Yep. I, too, am related to a-holes. But it looks like you only have 3 days of a-holery left. Keep your chin up, and I hope your wedding goes great. :)
Yep! I know it's hard, but just try not to let them bring you down.
What has really helped me is thinking "I'm starting my OWN, NEW family and I won't have to deal with THESE people as much anymore!"
haha you are funny - you can make it through! yes i like the idea that after the wedding you'll have your own family and you can control the level of assholiness that goes on :)
Just yesterday, my mom yelled at me on the phone and hung up, screened any future calls and then sent an email saying she was calling 1/3 of our guest list and telling them not to come. Yeah, she's an asshole.
It seems I'm only related to a-holes through marriage, which is okay because I dont really have to claim them-
my cousin's wife? B*tch.
my fbil's wife? B*tch.
my fmil? B*tch.
yup, that's about it.
I've been really lucky family wise (we're really small, that may help), but I am constantly finding myself surrounded by other assholes. My new mantra is "The wolves will turn on themselves." Seriously, given enough time, they're batting 1000.
Without getting into details... let's just say the only reason my oldest brother is coming to my wedding is because it would hurt my parents and I don't need the drama/guilt from them during planning or for the rest of my life. He's not really a part of my life now and there's really no need for him to be part of my future. He's not a nice person. It's just a fact.
Whew! Glad it isn't just me! Seriously, thanks for sharing everyone. Made me laugh, and made me feel better! (although I don't mean to take solace in other's pain. That would make me kind of an asshole, wouldn't it?)
Oh! Me! We had so many horrible things happen to us during planning because some of our family members/friends just got really weird and mean. It was awful!
I had alwasy thought that a majority of people were related to at least one a-hole. Maybe not in their immediate family, but somewhere sprinkled in their extended family. I've been so lucky that my family has been amazing throughout this process. Its my friends that suck. There are 3 friends that I can't wait to never speak to again! Weddings definitely do bring out the good, bad and the ugly.. its unfortunate that they bad and the ugly seem to be magnified when we're dealing with so much!
I know exactly what you are talking about! Some of his family pitched a fit because their invitation came later than the others, all amiled at the same time, and he refused to come for this non-vite. My family with attitude abut how many people they are bringing...what is 1 or 6 I ask you. You don't think you need to come up with a better answer than that? And you freak out when I ask for clarification. I don't know what it is about weddings that makes people act so ridiculous!
This all seriously just made me feel so much better. I don't know what it is about the whole wedding process that makes people act so jerky. I was a bridesmaid for several siblings, and I don't recall acting like a psycho. But some of the stuff that has been going on in my family seriously makes me wish I had just had a small, private ceremony with friends. Fortunately my friends have been awesome, and very supportive.
I read somewhere that when you plan a wedding you find out who your true friends are and that is completely true. I'm glad I'm also not the only one but I feel bad that others like all of you have to suffer also.
I have just decided to cut out my toxic family members and keep planning the wedding that I know we want. Makes my life wonderful!
Nice to know I'm not alone! I just found out one of my aunts will not be attending my shower which is taking place at my parent's house. Basically, she has always been grossly and obviously jealous of my mom and likes to punish her. She said "I just can't stand to go to another 'Perfect Patty' party right now" having just been to my parent's house for a belated New Years party in late January.
My mom tried telling me that the fact my aunt won't be coming to my shower has nothing to do with me. It does though! Am just supposed to be completely ok with this bitchy Aunt who loves to make my mom--who tries SO HARD to get along with her older sister-- feel bad for no reason? As far as I'm concerned she can skip out on the wedding now too.
Seriously, wedding planning has made me realize the people that I want in my life and the people that I don't. It can be stressful, and it kinda sucks realizing you are not as important to someone as you thought you were, but ultimately I am happy I am learning these things.
oh boy, am i ever!!!
my mom tries to make everything about her, posts crap on facebook, texts me and emails me with the EXACT SAME MESSAGE. What, you think im stupid or something??? obviously you're the stupid one if you dont get that im AVOIDING you for a certain reason. Long story short, my mom is a selfish, uncaring, self absorbed asshole, goes months without calling me and now she wants to be my best friend. She isnt getting the fact that I just dont want her around me. Period. She wants to linger around when we (the bridesmades and I ) are getting married. She told me that she wants us to come to her house, i said no, so she said that she would go to FMILs place, now i have to tell her no, im not comfortable with that. She claimed she couldnt help us out with more than the flowers but later on i found out she had spent like $150 on makeup. ON MAKEUP!!!! im the bride and im not even spending that much on makeup for my own wedding!!!!
I know that she doesnt sound like a huge asshole, but without going into a novel about how terrible of a mother she has been, its kind of hard to describe. lol. just gonna have to take my word for it!
Then FI's relatives that live 5 hours away told us they wernt coming at all. none of them. Allll because his one aunt wasnt invited, and we have our reason! She told us that because we are 'capricorn'and 'taurus' just like her and her ex-husband, we would never make it more than 3 years as a couple. Here we are, 4 years later and getting married. She was just down right rude and we just dont want her around us. BUT now granny and cousin and whoever else doesnt think its right to leave aunt to come here. So thank you Aunt. Thanks for being an asshole and screwing it up for everyone. oh yah and his cousin said we should just elope. I was like WTF? elope?? why, just because you all arent coming, our world is over??? get a life....
Hey i am glad to hear im not the only one!!
FH side of the family insists this is there day to and have taken control!!! (did you know i am having a three string quartet with a saxaphone, guitar and piano!! cause i DIDNT!!!)
and my side...ugghh...they are all to nervous to speak at my wedding so my side isnt saying ANYTHING AT ALL and my dads side...out of 20 family members only 4 are coming!! (last year they chewed out a cousin...saying she looked fat in her wedding dress cause she did a small wedding and they were invited....i invite them ALL an no one shows)
so lame
I feel better to - my mom is being the jerk in my wedding - I'm 35 he's 42 its the first wedding for both of us we are paying for everything - hence we get to make all the decisions but my mom keeps trying to butt in and make 'suggestions' but when we don't take them she has a fit. I have deja vu from my brothers disaster wedding 15 years ago and now considering eloping.
Yup, I'm related to them too...my aunt accused my FI of stealing money from her a few years ago. I'm NOT inviting her to the wedding and she heard about it through my grandma (figured it would happen). She hasn't asked me directly, but I think she's honestly put out that I didn't invite her.
My uncle on my Mom's side and his bitch wife are the worst people in the entire world and are not invited to my wedding. Also, my Aunt on my dad's side (who BTW used to be my Uncle) is the most self-absorbed person ever since "the change" and has decided to inject herself into my girly outing with my BMs, mom, FMIL, and Gma without being invited and also gives me unsolicited opinions about makeup and hair and dress choices and the like. I'm like, I GET IT - YOU ARE A WOMAN NOW. That does not make you style and beauty editor of Elle Magazine. Go buy more ugly skirt suits and STFU.
So, yeah. A-holes abound. Can you tell I'm at my wits end with these people?
The vast majority of my living family we have actually severed ties with because they are such grievous assholes (do things like abandon their children, steal from each other, two of my aunts actually robbed my grandfather's house a week after he died because they knew they weren't in his will and we refused to give them a cut of anything since they'd completely trashed his property when it was in their possession for about five years a few decades back). I basically have no family because everyone is an asshole in my family. It's great.
FI also has some winners. His paternal grandmother is the most self-absorbed, narcissistic, bathsit insane woman I have ever known. She could care less about any of her children and when her wealthy husband was dying last year tried to spend ALL of his money so her children couldn't have any while she sat on a golden toilet or something. I don't know but I think the woman is a witch. She's done a lot of other insane and terrible stuff (ironically, she's also a famous artist who says she loves me just because "I'm very paintable"...wtf).
Fortunately we aren't inviting any of the jerks in my family, but his grandmother's gonna come. She's totally going to be the type complaining about how nothing about the wedding is good enough and we aren't being accommodating of her enough, etc. I hope we at least get a free painting for our troubles...sigh.
Hell yeh!! My FMIL is one!! Apparently MY wedding day is "as much her day as it is mine" WTF!!! Top B**ch!
this my dear, is a problem we have at EVERY family gathering!! i fell your pain, just bust out the bridezilla and tell them to shut it! they can be mean to you all they want, but everyone else will eventually see them as the a-hole they are.. trust me!
Omg, yes! FI and I are both related to some a-holes. I am also related to crazy people and am so used to their assholery, I have just come to accept it as the norm.
The latest thing that has happened is an email sent by my a-hole aunt to my mother (her sister). It was quite long and focused on a few NWR topics. Somewhere in the middle she slipped in something along the lines of "Also, I won't be able to make it to that wedding. I have Lasik coming up in August. I'm sure she [me] will understand." Yes, she calls it "that" wedding. It doesn't seem that she's planning to tell me this directly. I used to be very close with her because I have a VERY small family (mother, two aunts, two uncles, zero cousins). I'm the baby of the family, the only one, but the aunts and uncles stopped giving me the time of day after I grew up and graduated from college. None of them are coming except for my mother, so I will have a whopping ONE blood relative present on my wedding day. One blood relative out of an expected 115 guests.
But as we know, bees, this is not such a bad thing. It hurts a little that they don't appear to care about me, but it will be better to have an a-hole free wedding.
yup.. i will be related to a*ssholes, im not at the moment.. but I will be.
FHs mother is an alco who loves karoeke and calls us at 2am in the morning just to chat on a weekday. We drove 4hrs to go visit her and visit some of my family and we went to go visit and said that she was too hungover for us to see her. Our main purpose of that weekend after giving her two weeks notice that we were coming up to see her and she cancels. Def a b!tch with the attitude.
FHs father is a jehovahs witness who has been told to 'seperate himself from the world' and because FH and I dont believe what he believes he treats us like crap, but apparently is showing up to the ceremony, not to the reception and Missed our engagement party, snobbed my parents when they sent him an invite to come for dinner. Typical A*shole move.
FH is hoping that as bad as it sounds that neither of them will actually make it to the wedding and while i think its bad that he thinks that, in the back of my mind i have fingers crossed that they wont make it either. :S
OMG YES I DO... Every since I have announced that we will be having a wedding and are no longer eloping, my B#%$@ of a Sister (who I have been close with all my life) has turned into the biggest JEALOUS A$$**** of all time... I asked her to be my MOH and she happily said Yes, then as I was discussing wedding planning details with her, as most brides usually do with their MOH. She replies with the most negative comments, rolls her eyes when I tell other people that I'm getting married, and the worst part(talks behind my back to the other BM's) who she is also friends with because we were really close sisters. I have silently demoted the my B%$#@ of a Sister, and am seriously thinking of not involving here in my bridal party as she is not supportive at all, doesn't call me to discuss the wedding, doesn't sound interested when I want to talk about the wedding, and doesn't want to have S%@# to do with my wedding... So I will just send her bitter, jealous, phony a$$ an R.S.V.P. just like all the other guest so she can come and see how nice of a wedding I'm having without her help, and she can go home and gossip about that B%$#@... I have never had anything easy as I am the oldest of 5 children, and I have always been the guinie pig, always got in trouble for the others, always had more responsibilities, and I got kicked out at the age of 17, I practically showed myself how to be a woman. My first child died in 2006 and I almost died giving birth to him, I was in an abusive relationship for 5 yrs and finally left with nothing. I finally have a wonderful FI who I absolutely adore, and this B*%$#@ wants to ruin my wedding with her negativity and horrible attitude. I'm not having it, as far as I'm concerned she doesn't even have to come. It's amazing what weddings and funerals can show you about your family. Thanks for letting me vent!
Ohh! Can I jump on this wagon!
I am one year older than my BF my cousin says to me "you guys will never make it because me and my ex-wife were a year apart" REALLY???
My aunt who is only three years older than me and is a professional make-up artist and hair stylist, says "when you get married I'm not going to do your hair or make-up unless I'm in the bridal party" SERIOUSLY!!!
Come on people!!!
My FI hates one of my aunts so much. She is totally deserving of it. But the problem is, our extended family is really close. So I am trying to figure out how we don't invite evil aunt, but still invite her kids and all my other aunts.
And all my aunts (my dad is the only man out of 7 sibliings) are A$$h0les when they drink.
Ooooh yeahhhh! My mother is the queen of all b-tches is very self-absorbed (but that's a different post)
My brother didn't come to my wedding because he couldn't 'survive' the long flight without smoking. REALLY? REALLY... So I too, only had 1 blood relative at my 112-guest wedding. Might as well have been zero because that one relative totally sapped the life out of me.
And of course my brother is now getting also married 2 months after I did and I only just found out 3 weeks before my own wedding. I have a master's thesis to finish in the next month, have no more time off to take because we just came back from honeymoon, and no more money to go on a transatlantic flight right now.
And now MY ENTIRE FAMILY back home is giving me major guilt trip about probably not coming eventhough none of them came to my wedding.
So yeahhhhhhhh!
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As my wedding approaches I am STUNNED by the IMMENSE A-sholery of my immediate family members. It is truly astounding. I have never seen so many people fight to make a single day about them. Is this what weddings do? Reveal our family members to be absolte jerk offs? just wondering if anyone else is having a similar experience...