Weddingbee boards

Maybe I'm totally nuts, but I'm terrified about getting pregnant.  Neither my FI and I are spring chickens - he will be 31 when we get married and I will be days shy of 29.  For some reason, the idea of getting pregnant terrifies me.  We both come from happy families - our parents are still together and our siblings are happy and normal, FI really wants to have kids, and I do too (in theory).  We're financially responsibly and can afford the child, so it isn't as if there is some looming other reason why... but the whole getting pregnant, birthing the baby, and then taking care of it night and day... that terrifies me.

The whole gaining weight, big belly part makes me really scared.  I'm also scared about the whole birthing process (I mean really?!  Pushing a 6 -7lb if not bigger human through your area down there?!)  I'm also scared about the feeding every 4 hours and pretty much the whole unknown of what happens when you have a child since it wont be just me and FI anymore.  I'm scared of having no idea what I am supposed to do and also at being bad at it because I'm clueless about what to do.

I know friends who have babies and cousins that do, but I've never spent more than an hour or so with a child under the age of 8 or so... and never alone... ever.  FI has a brother half his age, so virtually helped raise him and has no quams.

Is this normal?!  I know that I will be a good mom because I try really hard at everything I do (also how ridiculous does that statement sound), but I'm scared!! 

I think its just hte unknown, but is this a normal feeling?  If so, when does it go away? 

@hilsy - right!  You would think it would be the guy who was terrified!!  I have a fear of getting fat (which is selfish I know), but I'm hoping I bond with the baby. 

I literally broke down crying when talking to FI about this last weekend.  He thought I was totally nuts. 

I told him that I really love dogs and if I can love a baby as much as I love my family dog, then I think I would be a good mom, but I mean, how freaking ridiculous does that sound?!  I just have no idea.

Kids can do cute things, but I hate holding babies since I never know what to do and they always seem to start crying when I hold them.  I panic and hand them back to their mom while trying to not look completely embarassed. 

@Evie - Yeah that would pretty much be my worst nightware (no offense to moms out there).  I'm scared enough as it is AFTER the wedding, but before and with my drop waist dress bought already, oh dear. 

@Clair - yeah same thing here.  We have no reason why we shouldn't try after we get married. 

You are the same weight/ height as me.  I don't think I would be the type to just gain 50 pounds when pregnant, but I know with a baby, weight is gained.  Twins run in my family and that makes me almost physically sick.  My friend who is 5'2" and was 95 pounds when she got married gained 55 pounds when she was pregnant with twins. She lost it over the next few years, but still.  It took her a LONG time. 

I'm starting to think of it as a means to an end more than a yay I love being preggo thing...

You are most definitely not alone. I'm terrified. And I don't mean as in "Like, O.M.G. I'm like totally terrified" I mean as in, panic attacks, I passed out when my BFF went into labor, pregnant women kinda freak me out (no offense meant, I know, I'm weird) absolutely life altering scared. My Obgyn has actually already told me that if I choose not to adopt I should prob schedule a C-section or at least be nice & drugged up when the time comes. haha.

Read this with a grain of salt b/c you gotta take into account that when I was younger I used to have severe body issues and the idea that gaining another 30-60lbs is supposed to be healthy and common is beyond my scope of comprehension.

I'll be 32 when we get married & FI will be just shy of 30. So we're not exactly youngins either. There's also a pretty diverse history in my family of handicap, genetic disease and mental retardation so the longer I wait the more dangerous it is. We'll def both get genetically tested before we start trying just so we have an idea of what we're each carriers of. I'd like to have a 1styr anniv before a baby - my guess is that by Christmas '11 or the beginning of 2012 I'll be pregs.

Raising & caring for a child doesn't worry me. I'm not scared about the whole, waking up for 4am feedings, finances, diapers, etc. Once the kid's out I'll be fine - it's the whole uh... there's another human being inside me right now, my body doesn't feel like my own thing that really scares me.

Hrmm... I'm a little scared of getting pregnant BEFORE the actual wedding but I'm not that scared of actually getting pregant/having a baby.  Yes, the idea that I can grow a human kind of freaks me out, and the fact that when you're pregnant weird things happen, like you can see your belly move out when the baby kicks or punches.  BUT, I'm not afraid to gain weight, and I'm not afraid that I won't be able to lose it when I have the baby.   

BTW, it's definitely NOT healthy to gain 60 pounds when you're pregnant unless you're having multiples!  They say 25-35 pounds is normal as long as you were a healthy weight to begin with.

I think it's probably best for those ladies who are worried about the "getting fat" thing to perhaps put off getting pregnant until they are more concerned about having a healthy child than what it will do to their body.  I'm not saying that to be harsh at all, I just think it's a pretty clear indicator that you're not quite ready to become a mommy yet.  There's absolutely NOTHING wrong with having those concerns, or with being scared about getting pregnant.  Seriously.  It just means you're not ready yet, which is beyond ok. :) 

Funny, I've heard that 30-60 is the norm, but then again I've never done the research and most of my friends only gained less than 30.

I don't think you're ever really "ready" for it. But I'll suck it up & deal with it when the time comes, it's a few months out of a lifetime and the result is a child, who can argue that, right? I've had back problems for years and my Dr once told me that the pain I had from my back was higher on the pain scale than childbirth - so at least I have that to rely on. LOL

My friend just had a baby and it helped her lose extra weight that she had, and now she looks fabulous (not saying to use a baby as a diet just an FYI not everyone gains tons). I never really wanted a baby until she had hers (I wasn't ever really around them) and ever since she had him, I want one. I know it's a LOT more responsibility when it's your own child but seeing him grow up etc, I know now motherhood is for me.

With that said, the actual being pregnant, birthing scares me to death. My friend told me some of her body changes when she was pregnant and I couldn't believe it...I need to read a book obviously. The birth went smoothly but her describing it made me want to vomit. I just don't know if I could handle it, I'm the biggest wussy that ever lived!

FI and I have talked about it and we both want a kid or kids (we'll see how #1 goes) but I think by the time next year when we are married and start trying I'll be ready, after I educate myself about what all happens during pregnancy/labor (I hear Jenny McCarthy has amazing REAL books that get to all the nitty gritty). Some of what my friend said shocked me to the core, I had never heard of such things before!

I'm also a firm believer in not using being pregnant as an excuse to eat junk, I know everyone has cravings but I've seen a pregnant woman eat a whole pizza and said "oh I'm pregnant" yes you are but does that mean you should eat 8 slices of pizza?! Where I work they have prenantal yoga so that is something I would do plus the usual elliptical which I do now. I think keeping in shape is important to ensure you and the baby stay healthy and your risk for gestational diabetes and other complications go down.

<steps off soapbox>