Post # 1
Maybe I’m totally nuts, but I’m terrified about getting pregnant. Neither my FI and I are spring chickens – he will be 31 when we get married and I will be days shy of 29. For some reason, the idea of getting pregnant terrifies me. We both come from happy families – our parents are still together and our siblings are happy and normal, FI really wants to have kids, and I do too (in theory). We’re financially responsibly and can afford the child, so it isn’t as if there is some looming other reason why… but the whole getting pregnant, birthing the baby, and then taking care of it night and day… that terrifies me.
The whole gaining weight, big belly part makes me really scared. I’m also scared about the whole birthing process (I mean really?! Pushing a 6 -7lb if not bigger human through your area down there?!) I’m also scared about the feeding every 4 hours and pretty much the whole unknown of what happens when you have a child since it wont be just me and FI anymore. I’m scared of having no idea what I am supposed to do and also at being bad at it because I’m clueless about what to do.
I know friends who have babies and cousins that do, but I’ve never spent more than an hour or so with a child under the age of 8 or so… and never alone… ever. FI has a brother half his age, so virtually helped raise him and has no quams.
Is this normal?! I know that I will be a good mom because I try really hard at everything I do (also how ridiculous does that statement sound), but I’m scared!!
I think its just hte unknown, but is this a normal feeling? If so, when does it go away?
Post # 3
At least you have fears, I know too many people who thought it would be a fairytale to start having kids right away and had a rude awakening. Those are the same people who don’t watch their kids at restaurants and weddings 😉
Post # 4
I”m pretty much terrified as well. I”m so scared of gaining weight and not being able to lose it, and all the other changes your body goes through. Plus, being responsible for another human life? Pretty scary!!!! And my FI is so NOT scared about it–it drives me crazy.
Post # 5
i think you and i may be in a pretty empty boat. i always knew i wanted kids, but the closer i get to the actual event, the more and more it completly TERRIFIES me!! and I mean, sick feeling in the pit of your stomach, may have thought that i dont even want to have kids. or maybe just one….i can suck it up for once.
im totally with you and totally get it. Im hoping my motherly instinct kicks in a some point here, other wise im in trouble.
Post # 6
@hilsy – right! You would think it would be the guy who was terrified!! I have a fear of getting fat (which is selfish I know), but I’m hoping I bond with the baby.
I literally broke down crying when talking to FI about this last weekend. He thought I was totally nuts.
I told him that I really love dogs and if I can love a baby as much as I love my family dog, then I think I would be a good mom, but I mean, how freaking ridiculous does that sound?! I just have no idea.
Kids can do cute things, but I hate holding babies since I never know what to do and they always seem to start crying when I hold them. I panic and hand them back to their mom while trying to not look completely embarassed.
Post # 7
We’re pretty far away from getting pregnant- at LEAST 5 years at the earliest and probably closer to 8-9… and I’m still terrified of it!
Post # 8
NO! I’m scared of getting pregnant BEFORE the wedding! Hahaha. I would hate to have spent all this money on my gown and not be able to fit into it!
We aren’t always very good with using birth control…..the day I bought my dress is the same day I began refusing anything near me that wasn’t wrapped in plastic!!!!
Post # 9
@Evie – Yeah that would pretty much be my worst nightware (no offense to moms out there). I’m scared enough as it is AFTER the wedding, but before and with my drop waist dress bought already, oh dear.
Post # 10
ok, i feel a bit better now. people ask us when we are having kids (which i think is a rude question to begin with. i dont ask them how often they have sex!!). ive taken to answering, “not any time soon if i have anything to say about it.” if i said, oh, we dont know…later…a couple more years… i would get the pitty look. wha tthe heck!! i dont want your pitty!
truth is im so scared of it that i dont know if i want kids. wow, that sounds terrible.
@louboutin, im with you on the skinny thing. im 5’7” and have NEVER weighed over 115. gaining weight is kinda NOT on my to-do list.
Post # 11
@Clair – yeah same thing here. We have no reason why we shouldn’t try after we get married.
You are the same weight/ height as me. I don’t think I would be the type to just gain 50 pounds when pregnant, but I know with a baby, weight is gained. Twins run in my family and that makes me almost physically sick. My friend who is 5’2″ and was 95 pounds when she got married gained 55 pounds when she was pregnant with twins. She lost it over the next few years, but still. It took her a LONG time.
Post # 12
My hubby and I have been married just over a year and I’m almost 17 weeks pregnant. I’m still terrified! It’s been a bit traumatic for me (and we planned it). I’ve felt really bad since about 7 weeks, my boobs have grown two sizes and they haven’t stopped (and I was a small-boobed girl who loved being that way), and I’ve gained 8 pounds so far (which is where I should be, but still). I’ve never been around tiny kids much either – the youngest on either side of family is 12.
But I will say that I have never ever imagined NOT having at least one kid. Yes, being pregnant has not been fun at all, but it’s also amazing to hear my baby’s heartbeat and see him or her on the ultrasound. More than anything, I know my hubby and I will take it one step at a time and learn as we go.
Being scared about it is perfectly fine!
Post # 13
I’m scared of getting preggo as well!! I know that I’m not ready now, and sometimes it makes me feel weird because I know SO MANY people who got married after us (we’ve been married nine months) and are already pregnant.
I want time to be just us. I need time for us to become more financially stable. We have a 6 month old puppy and he is MORE than enough responsibility for us at this moment.
I’m a photographer and take pictures of babies all the time. They are adorable, they smell so good and I love them…as long as they’re not mine.
The whole gaining weight thing terrifies me as well, but I think we’ll all change our mind when the time is right. I like to think we’ll know when the time comes, just like we knew when it was right to be with our FI/husband forever 🙂
Post # 14
I’m starting to think of it as a means to an end more than a yay I love being preggo thing…
Post # 15
@Mrs. Louboutin–55 lbs is a scary thought. One the one hand, I’m like oooh I”ll be preggers, I can splurge on naughty foods. But then, no, because I”ll have to lose it all eventually–it doesn’t just come off when the baby is born.
My issue isn’t so much that I don’t know if I want kids–I know I want them. I’m just scared about the whole pregnancy/birthing/raising them part lol. How is it that you get instruction manuals with every single darn thing, but not kids?!
Post # 16
Well, it’s a little too late for me. I wasn’t terrified of it, but I wasn’t too thrilled with the idea either. A big thing for me was the weight gain as well, but I’ve really come to terms with it. Once I can just remind myself that it’s natural, the idea of gaining the weight isn’t that scary anymore. I’ve always been petite. I’m 5′ 2” and have never been above 115 pounds either. I didn’t know how I’d look with the weight gain, but my body will adjust. As long as you stay away from too much caffeine and sugar, you should be fine.
Also, I’ve almost never been around babies either. I had this crazy idea that I would be holding the baby at arm’s length, scared to hold him or her. I don’t even know how to change a diaper. But when you think about it, are you really going to be holding your baby at arm’s length? Probably not. Are you not going to do everything you can to stop your baby from crying? Again, probably not.
Sorry to drive the thread in another direction, but just wanted others to know the thoughts of a pregnant woman who had these same fears. It’s terrifying, but at the same time it’s wonderful.