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Whatever works for you guys! Lots of couples have a shared interest in the cost of the ring.
Honestly, when you're married, your assets end up combining, so as much as the woman likes to THINK sometimes that HE bought the ring, essentially she did, too, right? Because that's X amount of money less in "their" bank account =]. Just playing devil's advocate here.
Most of my friends had a hand in their choice of rings for financial reasons. THey lived with their SO's and/or were paying for the wedding themselves and didn't want their guy spending a bunch of dough on a ring without consulting them first about the actual price tag.
I think that's great. It absolutely is a 2-person committment and sharing the costs of it certainly seem sensible and fair. I did not share the cost of the ring, but I am paying our share of the wedding costs, since it's about the same as what he paid for the ring and it seemed only fair.
I respect your way of doing things completely. My FI did go to my father & ask his permission & FI paid for the ring himself without any help from me. But, it sounds like you guys have a complete 50/50 relationship & if you feel more comfortable doing it the way you talked about, I would definitely go for it. It sounds like you & him are both okay with the idea...so I don't see anything wrong with it at all!!
I would have prefered to do it this way, actually. That way Mr. KM could use more of the CD he's using to buy a new car that he desperately needs.
But it is important to my dad that Mr. KM ask him for his blessing (not PERMISSION because I'm definitely the type that would do it anyway)... I'm the only girl in the whole family and, well, we're WASPy and bank on tradition like that.
I didn't, but I think that is totally fine. And I second what EJS said.... any money he spends now is less in your joint account later so it's a roundabout way of the same thing happening, really. My FI paid for my entire engagement ring himself, but it took almost all of his savings which meant that when we bought a house a few months later, I put down the whole down payment. If I would've paid for half of the ring, he would have had the money to pay for half of the down payment. We just really don't think about who pays for what, its all for "us" anyways.
I am intersted in helping pay for the ring too. It makes sense to me considering the combination of finances later on. I'd rather have it than wait for it if I can help out with it.
Actually, I bought my own ring (went shopping with my mum), and he gave me the money back. It was because I was back in Canada for a while and he realized that the selection was more to my taste than in Seoul. I did tell him that the ring was my birthday present though because we wanted to minimize costs and focus on spending money in other areas. I think whatever works for the two of you is great whether it is 'traditional' or 'alternative.'
I think it's a great idea, and if you're both on board more power to you! We did not spilt the cost of the ring but we did sit long and hard and think about the fiances and discussed them together. :o)
I think it's totally fine, too. We just bought our bands this weekend and now we're in the process of merging our bank accounts so essentially I will be helping to pay for my wedding band and vice versa for the FI. No big deal. It's a partnership. A team. Share and share alike, I say!
We split the cost of my ring 50/50 and I am so glad that I did. And, he did not ask for my father's permission or even blessing. We are both older (mid-30s) so these traditions were not important to us. We figured we were going into marriage as equals, so it was only right to do an engagement and wedding as equals. I also requested that he not do an official proposal, since I felt it wasn't up to him to decide when we were officially engaged. We had been talking about marriage for a long time, so the formality of a proposal was not necessary for me.
As with all things, I say go with your gut. Only you can make the right decision for you. Traditions be damned! :)
Absolutely. We've had combined finances for years now. There's no hidden accounts or personal accounts, no putting cash aside. It all comes from the same pool and that's the way we like it!
My #1 thing was I do not want a ring WE could not afford. I don't need Tiffany or a HUGE diamond. Just something we can afford. I'd much rather put the extra $$$ into our house.
Our finances were already combined when he bought the ring, so technically we paid for the ring together. I don't think there's anything wrong with sharing the cost of the ring, it's about the two of you, so do what you think is best for you! Good luck and don't worry about tradition.
I dont see anything wrong with that either. Besides, it will probably speed up the proposal. And he would get something in return if you buy his wedding band...right? I dont know if thats what other brides do, but thats what I always expected (was to buy my FH wedding band).
Definitely nothing wrong with that, but my guy wouldn't want me to he's pretty traditional when it comes to paying and what not, but I definitely would help if I could stupid economy ha
My E-Ring was free because it was his mother's but he plans to get me a new set for the wedding....I love his mothers ring but I would much rather have something that is more me...At the local jewelry store we are looking at we can get my new set and his wedding band for much cheaper all together, rather than buying them separately...so the money will probaly be coming out of our joint account..So, I will be helping to buy my rings...but I really do not mind :)
My FI technically is paying off my ring himself. However because he has to make these payments, he can't afford many things so I have picked up the tab when it comes to buying airline tickets etc. So in a way we are sharing the expenses of my ring together.
whatever works for you! my bestie would slip in money into a bank her hubby used to save for her ering while they were waiting. my guy wants nothing to do with sharing that expense. lol. he sees it as a sign that he'll be able to provide for us so it'll ruffle his feathers just a bit if i contributed.
Go for it and do what feels right for you. As long as you and your SO think that it's a good idea, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
I think its fine.. I didnt share the cost and I really wouldnt have been able to afford it... at all. Poor student working part time :( But I dont think he would have let me anyways. I think this is awesome of yall to do that, if you decide on that
We didn't really share the cost, but I wouldn't have minded it. I worked at a jewelry store at the time and we used my discounts to get it at an amazing price.
We kinda shared costs. We had already had shared finances so basically we were both paying for it. I plan on having him pay for my wedding band but I will take over his personal loan as a trade off. Our balance would be thrown off if he saves a certain amount each month for the band, it would affect us both so this way he can feel like he paid for it but it won't affect us.
I would have preferred this. In fact, I offered, but R got a good deal and was happier this way because I wouldn't know when it was coming. But I think it's great when people do!
Whatever works for you! Although I don't agree that paying for the ring means the man holds power. The fact that your FH is going to propose shows that he holds a similar level of power to a man who buys a ring, i.e. he'll be the one to choose when you get engaged. My DH wanted to buy me the ring himself, he had the money for it, and I will forever be appreciative he was able to do that. I did buy him an engagement present though, so it's not like he got nothing in return :)
@Mountain.bride- I don't really think that just because he is the one proposing that he has the power to decided when we will get married. I understand where you are coming from, but because we have talked about it so much he knows I'm ready to get engaged/married, and now I'm waiting for him to decide that he is ready, and his way of showing me, will be to give me his 'half' of the ring. (As in, we will buy it together, and he will have it, then when he is ready to get engaged/married, he can give it to me to let me know, rather than just telling me.)
We split most of our expenses either 50-50 or "who has enough in their checking account to pay for x." I'm the one with direct deposit into my savings account, which means most of the savings are technically mine. So I paid for all of my ring. Whatever works for you guys!
My engagement.. complete and utter suprise. If I had know that he was going to propose I would have offered 50/50. Mine is a set, so I dont have to worry about finding a wedding ring as it would be a mission to find one that would match without being custom. I bought FHs wedding ring.. but also I bought him a ID bracelet that has his name on the front and on the back it has our initials and the word forever... :) as his engagement present.
Everything else its 50/50!
My FH proposed with a family diamond, and then we went together to pick out a new setting for it. So I got the proposal AND I got to pick the ring I'll wear for the rest of my life. Best of both worlds, I say.
Also, I'm actually paying for the setting myself, technically. He's a student, and I'm the breadwinner right now (we've lived together for 4 years,) so we've had a "my money is your money" approach to things for a long time.
I offered (well, wanted) to contribute, but he was pretty opinionated that it was his to purchase, but he did want me to pick it out. I am paying for most of the wedding, and we consider all of our money to be joint anyway, so I guess in the end it didn't really matter. I guess do what works well for both of you!
It's funny b/c FI is adament about paying off the ring before we combine finances. It is almost all paid off and he could do it today if he wanted, he just wants to stay liquid so it's happening in increments.
I see it the same way everyone else does with a caveat. Yes, it is almost the same thing as us splitting the cost as it is X amount less in our joint savings once we're married, but its' also him going out on a limb and making an investment in our future. The tradition of a man buying a woman an engagement ring had something to do with the possibility that something were to happen to him while they were engaged, she could cash the ring in and be taken care of in the meanwhile. I know that sounds wacky, especially now, but I see it that he's investing in us while we're engaged and I'm wearing his promise until we're married.
But then again, if it's X amount less once you're married I can totally understand wanting to pick it out and have a say in the cost. Makes total sense.
I'm really shocked by so many positive responses. I posted the question of whether it was okay for a woman to pay for half her ring and the ladies there were admantly against it saying if a man can't buy a ring he's not ready to be married. I was actually shocked.
For me, personally, I think it's awesome, especially if you have already combined finances or are doing 50/50 for things anyway. In reality, it is the same money if the couple combines finances.
I would totally do this, but my SO may want to FEEL like he did it on his own. It will be interesting to see how things go since rings are not on the near horizon for us.
i know the cost of the tacori band and the bands that go on each side of the ring but i won't know the cost of the diamond that he puts into it. I will probably know after he proposes becasue we have a joint checking account and i do all the finances.
Opening this thread back up...
I am definitely a non-traditional kind of girl. I have thought about this for a while, and it makes much more sense for me to contribute a large amount, if not the whole cost. For me, it is almost a test of our relationship for what is to come.
I see myself as the one who could possibly be making more money in the relationship, and the BF has a lot of expenses, and needs to pay for other things first. I addressed this money making issue with the BF, and he is completely fine with me bringing in more income than him. He welcomes it. I have always heard it can be a stressor on the relationship since the man may feel immasculated. But, he feels comfortable.
My idea is that I mostly buy the ring, and he does the proposing--and it better be good. Hah. He can't even pick out his own clothes let alone jewelry. I do like the idea of the man picking out something that he has thought of you wearing, but the proposal can hopefully make up for that--which is why I said it better be good!
We have joint finances so my money and his money are the same thing. :) Prior to that, we split things 50/50 always, but it got tedious and pretty impossible when we'd been living together over a year so we combined for my sanity.
Also, as much as I want to save for a wedding, I wouldn't dream of not getting my SO a reciprocal gift as soon as we're engaged - he can choose if he'd like an engagement ring too, or something else to keep and remember the happy occasion by.
It would also mortify me if anyone's permission or blessing was asked for - I'm the only one that needs to say yes.
Wow I was surprised to see this thread again!
In the end we did share the cost of the ring 50/50. Then Mr. Roux decided he wanted a ring too, so he also has an engagement ring that we shared the cost 50/50.
I know a lot of people see engagement as a 50/50 committment, which it is, but I don't see that translated into 50/50 payment for a ring. I think it totally depends on your situation, and if you are going to become one couple, and share finances when you get married, the actual payment for the ring probably doesn't even make much difference. It's all about what you as a couple want to do :)
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Hi Bees,
The future Mr. Roux, (lets just call him S.) and I have been discussing rings and getting engaged and being married a lot lately, and the more I think about it, and the more we talk about it, the more I want to pay for half my ring.
S and I share all our expenses 50/50. Rent, bills, groceries, dates, its all 50/50. This is because we are equals in our relationship and no one person holds any power over the other. This is one of the most important parts of our relationship.
I don't like a lot of the traditional parts of marriage ceremonies. I'm all for gender equality, and I think S asking my father for 'his permission' to marry me is ridiculous and degrading, as i am not my father's property to give away. The idea of S spending a lot of money on a ring to give me, when he would not recieve anything material in return seems odd to me. We don't need a ring to be engaged, but S would like to give me one, and lets be honest, I'd love a diamond ring.
So the current plan is for S and I to start putting money away for a ring, for S to propose without a ring when he is good and ready (he is hinting that this will be within the next few months), and for us to go ring shopping together for a ring we both love and can afford to buy together.
I know this is not the traditional way that most women receive engagement rings, and I'm interested to know your thoughts on this.
Cheers,
Roux