Post # 1
The future Mr. Roux, (lets just call him S.) and I have been discussing rings and getting engaged and being married a lot lately, and the more I think about it, and the more we talk about it, the more I want to pay for half my ring.
S and I share all our expenses 50/50. Rent, bills, groceries, dates, its all 50/50. This is because we are equals in our relationship and no one person holds any power over the other. This is one of the most important parts of our relationship.
I don’t like a lot of the traditional parts of marriage ceremonies. I’m all for gender equality, and I think S asking my father for ‘his permission’ to marry me is ridiculous and degrading, as i am not my father’s property to give away. The idea of S spending a lot of money on a ring to give me, when he would not recieve anything material in return seems odd to me. We don’t need a ring to be engaged, but S would like to give me one, and lets be honest, I’d love a diamond ring.
So the current plan is for S and I to start putting money away for a ring, for S to propose without a ring when he is good and ready (he is hinting that this will be within the next few months), and for us to go ring shopping together for a ring we both love and can afford to buy together.
I know this is not the traditional way that most women receive engagement rings, and I’m interested to know your thoughts on this.
Post # 3
Whatever works for you guys! Lots of couples have a shared interest in the cost of the ring.
Honestly, when you’re married, your assets end up combining, so as much as the woman likes to THINK sometimes that HE bought the ring, essentially she did, too, right? Because that’s X amount of money less in “their” bank account =]. Just playing devil’s advocate here.
Most of my friends had a hand in their choice of rings for financial reasons. THey lived with their SO’s and/or were paying for the wedding themselves and didn’t want their guy spending a bunch of dough on a ring without consulting them first about the actual price tag.
Post # 4
I think that’s great. It absolutely is a 2-person committment and sharing the costs of it certainly seem sensible and fair. I did not share the cost of the ring, but I am paying our share of the wedding costs, since it’s about the same as what he paid for the ring and it seemed only fair.
Post # 5
I respect your way of doing things completely. My FI did go to my father & ask his permission & FI paid for the ring himself without any help from me. But, it sounds like you guys have a complete 50/50 relationship & if you feel more comfortable doing it the way you talked about, I would definitely go for it. It sounds like you & him are both okay with the idea…so I don’t see anything wrong with it at all!!
Post # 6
I would have prefered to do it this way, actually. That way Mr. KM could use more of the CD he’s using to buy a new car that he desperately needs.
But it is important to my dad that Mr. KM ask him for his blessing (not PERMISSION because I’m definitely the type that would do it anyway)… I’m the only girl in the whole family and, well, we’re WASPy and bank on tradition like that.
Post # 7
I didn’t, but I think that is totally fine. And I second what EJS said…. any money he spends now is less in your joint account later so it’s a roundabout way of the same thing happening, really. My FI paid for my entire engagement ring himself, but it took almost all of his savings which meant that when we bought a house a few months later, I put down the whole down payment. If I would’ve paid for half of the ring, he would have had the money to pay for half of the down payment. We just really don’t think about who pays for what, its all for “us” anyways.
Post # 8
I am intersted in helping pay for the ring too. It makes sense to me considering the combination of finances later on. I’d rather have it than wait for it if I can help out with it.
Post # 9
Actually, I bought my own ring (went shopping with my mum), and he gave me the money back. It was because I was back in Canada for a while and he realized that the selection was more to my taste than in Seoul. I did tell him that the ring was my birthday present though because we wanted to minimize costs and focus on spending money in other areas. I think whatever works for the two of you is great whether it is ‘traditional’ or ‘alternative.’
Post # 10
I think it’s a great idea, and if you’re both on board more power to you! We did not spilt the cost of the ring but we did sit long and hard and think about the fiances and discussed them together. :o)
Post # 11
I think it’s totally fine, too. We just bought our bands this weekend and now we’re in the process of merging our bank accounts so essentially I will be helping to pay for my wedding band and vice versa for the FI. No big deal. It’s a partnership. A team. Share and share alike, I say!
Post # 12
We split the cost of my ring 50/50 and I am so glad that I did. And, he did not ask for my father’s permission or even blessing. We are both older (mid-30s) so these traditions were not important to us. We figured we were going into marriage as equals, so it was only right to do an engagement and wedding as equals. I also requested that he not do an official proposal, since I felt it wasn’t up to him to decide when we were officially engaged. We had been talking about marriage for a long time, so the formality of a proposal was not necessary for me.
As with all things, I say go with your gut. Only you can make the right decision for you. Traditions be damned! 🙂
Post # 13
Absolutely. We’ve had combined finances for years now. There’s no hidden accounts or personal accounts, no putting cash aside. It all comes from the same pool and that’s the way we like it!
My #1 thing was I do not want a ring WE could not afford. I don’t need Tiffany or a HUGE diamond. Just something we can afford. I’d much rather put the extra $$$ into our house.
Post # 14
Our finances were already combined when he bought the ring, so technically we paid for the ring together. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sharing the cost of the ring, it’s about the two of you, so do what you think is best for you! Good luck and don’t worry about tradition.
Post # 15
I dont see anything wrong with that either. Besides, it will probably speed up the proposal. And he would get something in return if you buy his wedding band…right? I dont know if thats what other brides do, but thats what I always expected (was to buy my FH wedding band).
Post # 16
Definitely nothing wrong with that, but my guy wouldn’t want me to he’s pretty traditional when it comes to paying and what not, but I definitely would help if I could stupid economy ha