Post # 1
I guess my hormones have been raging lately, because I’ve been extremely nauseas and just gross feeling (assuming it’s side effects of the implanon or something)- and my mind has been doing its own thing as well.
I have always assumed I’d have children, at least one. I had intended to have one and stop.
Now that we’ve moved out TTC timeline to December, though, I’m panicking. Do I really want kids? Do I really even like kids? At one point, I believed that having children wasn’t for me.
I’ve changed my mind and gone back and forth (based on expectations, I assume) on whether I really want a child. DH has done this as well. He was fine with moving TTC to December, but now he’s acting like he wants to wait another year.
Honestly, waiting another year sounds fine to me. Hell, waiting 5 years sounds fine one day- and then the next, I want a baby like yesterday.
I just need to know that I’m not alone. Does anyone else switch from wanting kids to being ‘eh, do I really want them though?’ It’s driving me insane! I realize that, based on what I’m saying, TTC definitely needs to be put on hold until I’ve made a definite decision. That’s fine. If I wanted to wait a few more years, DH would be on board. In fact, he’d probably be happy with that.
I just….I feel so confused right now. I think my lack of excitement is coming from DH’s lack of excitement (he’s definitely ‘meh’ on the idea of kids right now), but what if it isn’t just that?
I’m okay with waiting, but when is the point where I can stop and say, “Okay. I do/ do not want kids.” Was there ever that point for you bees? ARGHH. /rant.
Post # 3
I have personally always known that I do not want kids. I made a list of all the reasons why someone might and might not want to have kids – basically all the pros and cons. I made them personal, though, so it was relevant to me.
I think a really big deciding factor would be what kind of lifestyle you want to have. Kids bring messes, drama, routines, etc. A childless life will allow for more savings, more freedom, but maybe also a sense of lack of fulfillment.
I would say to put off the TTC plans for a while, as well. And discuss what kind of life you want to have with your husband. figuring it and and preparing for your life together will be good, no matter what you two decide, as long as you can find a happy place for both of you.
Post # 4
@shadowedpixie: Thank you for your reply. Yes, I definitely do agree that TTC needs to wait until I’ve decided one way or another. We both need to be on the same side about children, and I definitely don’t want to go ahead with it if he’s unsure (or vice versa).
Post # 5
@stefanielovesjamie: I know exactly how you feel, I feel I could have written a very similar post. We are thinking of ttc in November after a wedding we are attending in Bali. That both excites me and makes me nervous.
For as long as I can remember I have wanted kids and then a few years ago when I met my husband and we started to really talk about it I got nervous and fears set in. For me my fears are of the big change, not so much the baby years but will I be able to handle and guide a teenager who at times is probably going to not like me very much. It scares me, but to have a baby and go through the first 10 years is something I know I want to do and am looking forward too.
Both my husband and I were great teenagers but the fear is still there.
I think it comes down to me answering the question “will I regret not having children” and I think the answer to that is yes. On one hand I can easily a picture a life of just me and my husband travelling the world but on the other hand when I see my nieces and nephews I know that I could regret not knowing what it is like to hold and raise my own child.
Im not sure if this post helps but its mostly to say you are not alone. I believe we are never 100% ready but you do have to figure out if it is something you really want
Post # 6
@stefanielovesjamie: Thank you for this post – I’m also undecided about children. It does feel weird since almost everyone claims to know one way or the other.
I’m coming at it from the opposite direction – I never thought I wanted to have a child, but recently I found out that we only have a couple of years in which to try. So now that it’s kind of “now or never” I’m realizing that I am curious about being a parent.
It’s such a complicated decision! And I think it’s one that nobody really has enough information to make a rational choice on. I think the scary truth is that almost everyone might love or hate parenthood depending on the temperament and personality of their child. I guess that’s why I’m so undecided.
I don’t have the problem of wondering whether I’ll ever be able to decide – a decision will be forced on me within the next few years. I just hope I’ll make the right one!
Post # 7
I/We are undecided. I will be 36 in just a few days, FI is 35. He has a 7 year old from his first marriage, who lives with us half the time.
We want to travel, pay off debt and just have our house how we want it. Those are priorities for us right now and after getting married. I personally do not want to lose sleep, turn my life over to someone else and we like a quiet house a lot of the times.
However, I also wonder if I’m missing out on something. I just really don’t get that “urge” so I assume it’s b/c I’m just meant to be childless. A few times a year, for a few seconds I wonder…but right now, the answer is no. I went to Babies R Us yesterday and just didn’t feel any interest or fascination with anything. Like that just isn’t on my radar right now.
If it were to happen (I’m not on BC) then we would both adjust and be happy I’m sure! But we aren’t actively going for it.
Post # 8
I just recently had the point. I always grew up wanting kids and always made it a deal to date a guy who wanted them as well. I recently realized I enjoy my time so much with my FI and what all we do, that I don’t have a need or want for them, or probably patience. My brother and SIL just had their first and I love holding and spending time with my nephew, but at the end of the day I am glad to hand him back. We are 99.9% sure we don’t want them, so slim chance we change our mind, but definitely no now.
Post # 9
I have always been on the fence, more on the no side, when it comes to kids. FH has never really wanted kids. Sometimes I think I want them, sometimes I don’t. FH and I are 23, so there’s no rush at all for us to decide, but it is something that I know we’re seriously going to have to decide on in the future. I am a list person, so I made a list. I don’t really like kids and don’t see how having kids would make us any happier or more satisfied. In fact, it seems like it would just make us more miserable, but sometimes, I get a pang and I start thinking about me being a mom and FH being a dad and I think that maybe we’d be good parents and that having one kid wouldn’t be so bad. But I worry that we wouldn’t be good parents most of the time, it’s the biggest concern. Neither of us are really parent material. We’re both kind of assholes. Everyone says it’s different when it’s yours, but I already have a hard time dealing with kids I’ve been around their whole lives…
But, we’re not rushed. My biological clock isn’t ticking and neither of us are in a position to even think about making that kind of decision yet. We’ve both agreed that we’ll sit down at 30 and if we still are more on the “no” side of the fence, that we won’t have kids.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@stefanielovesjamie: I don’t like all kids. In fact, I find many of them annoying. Though, there are a few kids (the cute, well behaved ones) that are adorable. However, I don’t know if I want kids. I do want to want kids, if that makes sense. I hope one day I do want one.
Post # 11
Posting to follow! FI and I are trying to make this decision right now…..we’re both ok either way, which is not helpful. Neither of us feels strongly one way or the other.
Post # 12
I’m. Exactly. The. Same.
I’m not a kid person. I do not like other people’s kids. I love our life the way it is and having the freedom to do anything we please. I don’t want my body to change.
But I can’t picture not having kids. I feel so messed up.
Someone once said to me “If you wait till your ready to have kids, you’ll never have kids”
I hope this indecisiveness wears off one day…
Post # 13
We’ve gone back & forth between deciding to have our own child, adopting or having a foster child. My husband has never been keen on kids to begin with & I’ve always been on the fence. As we’ve gotten older and are now in our mid-thirties we have pretty much decided that we prefer life with just the two of us. I think neither us wants it enough to change our lifestyle. Part of us might always wonder “what if” but I certainly don’t think we’ll regret our decision as we’re completely happy exactly how things are.
Post # 14
@islandlily84: I was just told that last week by a pregnant coworker. I think it was a ploy to get me to hurry up and join the mommy cult!!! 😉
Post # 15
I’m not too sure either, I think I’ll end up having them however I just can’t be sure now. SO is keen to have kids in the future, I have an advantage of only being 22 at the moment so I don’t have to decide now because now, I just can’t make that decision, I can’t think about having kids. it’s too big but I’m seriously not a children person, I can’t imagine devoted my life to raising them currently.
Post # 16
Growing up, I didn’t really see myself having kids. Then when our first wedding anniversary rolled around, and babies were on my mind like someone had flipped on a light switch. Now I kind of go in phases, where one day I want a baby, and the next I don’t. I know that I’d like to have kids at some point, it’s just the figuring out when!