Post # 1
Let me just start by saying my husband and I have been best friends since I was…. 16. I’ve known him forever and how he is. Now so many years later and married, he hasn’t changed (so maybe I’m wrong to complain) but I am nonetheless. He hates holidays. Maybe it’s because he came from a divorced family and was raised by his dad with only his brother. So he was raised to be tough and not very emotional. But I wish sometimes for my sake he could atleast pretend.
FOR EXAMPLE. We usually stay in on valentines day and cook together. About an hour ago I asked him what he wanted for valentines day and he said “nothing. That’s such a stupid holiday” although last year he got me flowers because i talked about it for a week before!
ANOTHER EXAMPLE. I hung up all our Christmas decorations by myself one day while he was working because he says there’s no point when they come down in a month. He wouldn’t get a tree until the week before Christmas because it would die and then insisted we get a fake one anyways.
Maybe I’m just over analyzing. But would it kill him to just go with it? Sometimes I feel like he is trying to drag me down into being so negative like he can be. It’s sort of exhausting.
Post # 3
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Sometimes you have to pick your battles and if he was always like this you knew what you were in for when you married him.
We don’t celebrate V-day because we think it’s a silly holiday designed to guilt couples, especially men, into doing something romantic one day out of the year. We do romantic things for each other regularly enough that I don’t want the fake sentiment just for the sake of a holiday. Thankfully we are both on the same page so nobody’s feelings get hurt.
In your case, your feelings get hurt and that’s not good. Instead of badgering him about gifts for V-day why don’t you plan something romantic for the two of you to do together that you both can enjoy and not necessarily on V-day since it can get hectic, especially at the movies and restaurants. If you needs to gifts from him to feel loved then maybe you both could use a read of the Five Love Languages so he can better understand your need for gifts and how you can ask him for it without hurting his feelings.
As for Christmas, don’t wait for him to bring a tree home. Tell him you’re going on X date together to pick one out and do it. If he gets grumpy make him along this year but if he’s still grumpy about it next year, take care if it by yourself. I understand wanting a real tree but we like having a fake tree so we can set it up the weekend after Thanksgiving and leave it up until New Years Day without it dropping needles and becoming a fire hazard.
In all honesty it’s difficult to get someone to start new holiday traditions at Christmas but if you approach it in steps and present each step in a fun way that appeals to him, he will hoepfully see how important it is to you. And don’t forget that if you plan to have kids a lot of these issues may clear up once he sees how his own child reacts to your traditions.
Post # 4
I’m the scrooge in the relationship…I despise Valentine’s Day! Until he doesn’t get me anything for valentine’s day…then I get mad! LOL
Post # 5
@Heatherliak: Yup, mine. However, in his defense, he gets me gifts and/or flowers sometimes for no other reason besides the fact that he loves me.
Post # 6
Mine is too! I don’t have any advice, but I can comisserate. It really does suck the fun out of things — especially Christmas. I can understand if he doesn’t want to help decorate, but it’s hard to stay cheerful when someone keeps telling you that what you are doing is stupid, and they can’t wait until everything gets put away again…
Valentine’s Day is usually our fried chicken and bowling night — which I also love!
Post # 7
No. My husband is very good about gifts and celebrating holidays.
Post # 8
He just seems practical. Maybe he could balance that by being more fun. He probably is who he is at this point though.
Btw, I do think Valentine’s day is stupid.
Post # 9
I agree that you have to pick your battles. My husband and I trade off planning what we’ll do for Valentine’s Day. Sometimes it’s a nice dinner at home, dinner out, ice skating, murder mystery… Although, since our anniversary is close to my husband’s birthday, I think we may switch to me planning Valentine’s day and him plannning his anniversary (since we plan the other’s birthday). But, to be honest, he’d be fine never celebrating anything. So I am the driving force for most of it. But he pitches in helping when asked and has a great time when we do stuff.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@bluegreenjean: Valentine’s Day is usually our fried chicken and bowling night
My husband just heard this and perked up about V-day for the first time ever; everyhting is better with fried chicken in his opinion. But then he followed it up with “do we have to go on Valentine’s Day? How about this Friday!?!”
Post # 11
@Heatherliak: I share you DH’s lack of enthusiasm for holidays. Even though I had a great childhood, they just don’t hold much meaning to me. I really prefer building our own traditions, making a big deal out of birthdays, and having special days “just because.” I don’t like the commercialism and expectations associated with big holidays.
Post # 12
@Heatherliak: My FI is a scrooge – he wouldn’t decorate for Christmas, I had to put up and take down our tree, and the wreath on the front of the house. He does not, and will not celebrate Valentine’s Day.
I’m the total opposite – like a kid who never grew up – I love Christmas decorations and I want so much to have a romantic Valentine’s Day just once in my life.
Just one of those things we have to accept since we can’t change …
Post # 13
@beachbride1216: haha! It’s super sweet on V-Day because all the fried chicken places and bowling allies are empty. I hate crowds.
Post # 14
@Heatherliak: My husband can be like this. I REFUSE to let him kill my Christmas spirit…so I just forge ahead and usually after I get the tree up(after listening to him piss and moan about getting it out of the shed and the commercialism of the holiday, blah, blah, blah) he relaxes a little and admits that yes, the tree is beautiful, and starts to slip and enjoy himself. But he is A TOTAL PIA from November to NYE.
Valentine’s day was another hurdle. At first, he was convinced that Valentine’s day was created by Hallmark in a conspiracy with the Hershey corporation and Kay jewelers to force him to spend money. When he learned that, no, St. Valentine was a real catholic saint, and that Valentine’s day is not unlike St. Patrick’s day(another conspiracy by Anheuser-Busch to make him buy beer. If that’s true, he celebrates all year :P), he did appreciate it a little more. We aren’t Catholic, but even as a protestant, he still appreciated the meaning behind the story. I try make Valentine’s day less about him getting me a gift and more about us maybe getting something we both want, or just going away together. He doesn’t like buying me things under duress, and prefers it be a surprise.
Honestly, he is still a bit of a grump about holidays, but its gotten better. And yes, it can be exhausting. I’ve found that if I am laid back about it and make it more about us having fun together and less about the commercial aspect, he enjoys it more. I think he resents feeling like has to do something because a holiday says he does.
Stay strong girl! Keep it fun and the pressure off, and he’ll forget himself and actually start to enjoy it. And if he doesn’t, then don’t let him be a kill joy. A girls night out can be a fun way to celebrate Valentine’s day too. Men can be so stubborn!
Post # 15
My husband is like this too. We solved it with one thing: A personal no-questions-asked budget for each of us that we carved out of our shared budget. He gets to spend his money on things I don’t care about like a club membership, going out to certain political events I don’t care for. I get to spend mine on shoes, handbags, Christmas decor, and such. Marriage really is about compromise and DH isn’t much in the way of materialistic things, but, we do try to have really great experiences that share both of our interests. (he doesn’t normally pay a lot for food, but appreciates it, I’m a foodie, so we meet in the middle where I don’t eat out as much as I used to but we try to save up for special occassions). As for Vday, it’s SO expensive to eat out these days now that all the restaurants are doing prix fixe! I’m opting to cook at home this year!
Post # 16
I’m the grinch who stole Valentine’s day in our relationship. We’re Catholic and the St. in St. Valentines day means alot to me, as it’s a day to show love to everyone, not just who you’re in a romantic relationship with.
I told him that I’m not into it, and he said he wants to spoil me anyway. I told him I’d go along with it this year (our first real valentine’s day) and maybe next year as it will be our first married one, but after that my tolerance for all things sappy is up.