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Aw, I am sorry you're feeling down about your wedding! I am glad that you have stepped back and looked at everything, plus your journal will definitely help. I know it's hard to think about it, but just remember that it's going to be a great day, but it's just a day. Don't stress too much, everything will be beautiful =)
I am not sure about others, but my wedding planning has definitely taken a negative toll on me. Going into it, I had no idea that the wedding would cause so much trouble. I totally understand how you feel. I do at least 20 vendor comparisons for each category trying to find the best deal/quality/value! It's SO MUCH work and I feel like I am crazy but weddings are so expensive!
Other stuff that came up are family drama from both my side and my FI's side. I had melt down a few times already because of this wedding, but I am learning to cope with it better (though my stomach suffered due to stress and I was just in the hospital yesterday to make sure my stomach is ok lol) If I had known if this were how the wedding planning would be, I'd have totally not be throwing a wedding and elope. I'd probably yearn for a wedding but with all this disaccord with family, lack of support, combined with the huge cost, it's totally not worth it!!!
We are too much into the wedding so I am just trying to do the best I can for now. I am forgoing a lot of the elements that I wanted because I don't even want to deal with it anymore. Sad, I know, but that's what happened to me. The difference that I see with your any my situation is that no one else is helping us with wedding planning, and I do most of the planning work compared to my FI.
GL and keep your chin up! That's what I am trying to do. :)
I am with you! Its taking a toll on me as well. I feel like I am not the same person. I feel sad and so stressed. I need a vacation and a break from planning for a week or two. I feel like i eat drink sleep wedding stuff.
I get you. We're bleeding money, it causes drama, I personally think planning sorta sucks, a lot of my family can't make it, etc. I know the day itself will be great, but, honestly, I wish we had just eloped.
I am feeling the same way about the wedding planning process--kind of glad to hear that I'm not the only one. (sorry that your depression just made me feel better) It's to the point where I have to go a long time in between serious planning sessions because it always feels like we never have enough $$ to do what we want (we are paying for most of our wedding too) and there is always some sort of family drama sprinkled in. It feels like I'm running a marathon lately. *sigh*
I think I might steal your journal idea for lent--cheers to being back to our old selves! :)
hi date twin! I totally understand how you're feeling - I'm sure a lot of women do! I never knew wedding planning was going to be so stressful and dramatic. I loved my FILs before the wedding planning and now my FMIL is driving me a little crazy from time to time! I, too, worry about money and worry about a lot of other things! I feel like there is so much pressure to have a beatiful wedding and have it be perfect and it's a lot to live up to! I think this is why the honeymoon was created.....so we can have a week of doing nothing and thinking of nothing and enjoying ourselves right after all of the stressful times!!! The wedding is 6 months away so hopefully the time will go quickly and i'm sure you will have a beautiful day and everything will turn out fine!
May I just add into the mix that although my FI is engaged in this whole wedding planning thing, he doesn't appear to be nearly as dumpy as I am these days. Maybe I should take a page from him...
I'm so sorry you're having a tough time...I think I understand how you're feeling. I am a very laid back person as well, and never thought I'd go into a frenzy over napking colors, floral arrangements, and invitation fonts, but I am! My biggest thing has been the interpersonal drama that has been cropping up surrounding wedding decisions. My in laws and my parents have always been good friends, but they aren't getting along...my parents are insisting on helping pay but guilt trip me about it all the time...my mother and I never got along before, but having to work together on the planning brings that out all the more....and the list goes on.
I think planning weddings is inevitably stressful and joyful at the same time. I guess we have to figure out how to focus on the joy and get through the stress in one piece! I think journaling like you suggested could really help - and leaning on your FI is obviously a big one, too. Once the day comes, letting go of the stress and soaking in every moment will make it all worth it (or so says my Matron of Honor, my primary counselor for all things wedding-stress!)
Good luck, hang in there, and definitely take advantage of the 'bee...you've got lots of ladies here going through it too that you can vent to!
Giiiiiiiirl! I so, so feel you on this! I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and stressed out to the point where I can't bear to pick up the phone to call vendors! it's just too overwhelming. I can't bear to do anything! And I know I need to get it together and just DO it so it'll be done but sigh.
I know exactly what you mean. I have been having an incredibly hard time with depression and anxiety and the wedding. It has taken a toll on me. I just keep wondering if all the money, time, effort will be worth it. I have on more than one occasion asked FI if we could just elope because the marriage is so much more important to me than the wedding. Luckily, he knows that one day I would regret not having the wedding and he has been really supportive and helpful throughout this whole process. I am lucky that we have a lot of help but a lot of pressure and decisions still fall on me. My FI and I decided to take a weekly breakfast to create a project timeline and check list which will go out and discuss and figure out what is left to do each week. We've also decided to try to do something fun and non-wedding related once a week. I am really hoping that getting really organized and we take a little timeout once a week that it'll help me to not feel so anxious and depressed.
Thanks so much for sharing! It's nice to know that we are all not alone in this. Whoever created weddingbee was a genious.
@krissycake- Thanks for the kind words. I know it's only a day and I keep trying to remind myself of that.
@Joonbee- It's unbelievable how expensive things are and we aren't even doing top of the line. Hope you are feeling okay, take care of yourself. And we should tell all of those girls on the waiting boards to elope!
@Jizes318- We all need to go away for a spa getway, if only we had the money hehe
@amani- I can't even tell you the number of times I said, I wish we eloped. Money seems to bring out the worst in people and def causes drama
@madcitybride- Haha, I know I'm glad too that others are miserable at least it makes me see that I'm not crazy. We def do need to bring back our oldselves and I know how come this doesn't take a toll on the guys!
@clarebee- Only 6 months to go! My inlaws hated me before the wedding so this planning hasn't helped lol. Why do we have so much pressure to have the perfect wedding? It seems like we would all be happy eloping =). Can't wait for my honeymoon, that's all I keep telling myself.
The great thing is that I still have the support from my family but my mom and my FI lost their jobs since we got engaged. Both of them have great skills, my mom is a lawyer and FI is an electrician so they are trying the self employed avenue and while it's working great it is still bumpy and not enough to pay bills and save. I feel so guilty that my parents are FI are so stressed because they want the best for me. And no matter how many times I tell my mom that it's okay if we don't do this, I think she would feel worse if we didn't have a wedding. I am her only girl and I think she has dreamed about this for as long as I have.
My wedding was a big fun normal wedding and then FMIL decided to not give us the thousands she promised. I had to cancel the reception, plan a party for a few months later in NJ (I live in IN, where all FI's family is) and I only have 14 guests coming from my side. (Over 100 invited). YES it makes me depressed! (You can read about it in more detail in my blog, link in my profile.)
I too am like, I just can't wait to be MARRIED! I feel guilty wanting to "get it over with" but it is a big drama-filled-stress-ball.
@farmersdaughter- It's crazy how we are all extremely intelligent and then wedding planning comes and we stay up nights over fonts LOL
@KMSull- I have stopped calling the vendors. I told FI that is now his job =)
@futuremrstal- I love the breakfast idea, at least you don't keep it all in and hopefully when it's out on the table it'll make you feel a little better. I need to take your idea of just doing something fun and nwr related everyweek so we don't forget about us.
@kjpugs- I am so sorry that has happened to you. *Hugs* It looks as though you are almost there, less than a month.
Its funny because so many people told me this would be a stressful time. But ignorance is bliss and I did it anyways. Lol. Yeah I’m not myself either. I’m grouchy and kinda short lately. We had talked about eloping here http://www.wickinn.com/promotions.html. I love the place and I’ve always wanted to go here, but alas I had it in my head that I wanted my family and friends to see me get married. It surely would have been easier to elope! I stress about money for the wedding daily. I already naturally stress about everything, but this is 10X worse. I stress about money, getting the invitation out in time ( since my wedding is 04/24 and they aren’t even ready). Its a lot to deal with and most brides I know tell me that all the remember is the wedding stress and not even the day of the wedding. Lol which really kinda sucks!
I understand where you are coming from completely... I keep going back and forth thinking... "is this what i really want?" and everytime I come to the conclusion that "YES" it is what I really want...
No matter the cost and all the stress that you go through...when the day comes for you to walk down the aisle it will be worth all of it... I haven't gotten married yet but I have been stressed about the financial situation since the day we became engaged... We originally wanted to be married this October, but my Fiance had lost his job and we weren't sure what was going to happen... my parents have told me they want to pay for the entire wedding but that they could not afford to this October...
... so ... we set the date to October 2011... and although my family has offered to pay for it I don't want them to have to deal with the cost... this is something that I want and I would feel horrible if my family had to pay for everything... I'm sorry you are so stressed about it... I don't know you or anything about you... but I would say... do what makes you happy... if a beautiful wedding is what you want.. then go for it! you only get married once and will remember this day for the rest of your life... being cost concious is smart.. but don't settle...
I hope everything works out for you and that you have an amazing wedding.. good luck to you:)
I'm with you hun. Up until about 2 days ago I was rather melancholy about it because I just honestly haven't had much contact with my extended family about anything except funerals. It took a conversation on FB with my cousin (who I've idolised since we were little) to remind me that my family truly does support me and wants me to be happy even if I chose not to do what everyone else was doing at the time that we stopped talking ie: joining the military.
It had hurt a lot when he stopped talking to me, but now I'm much happier because I know the real reason and that he and the rest of my family really do love me and can't wait to see me in my dress. The other thing that helped me was a clarification of something so simple as the definition of summer. FI thinks summer starts in May and I was under the impression of June/July so I was stressing because he stated previously that he wanted to wait until summer and then we can just pull a couple paychecks and pay for everything that way. So simple clarifications can really help in relieving a lot of stress.
Hope you feel better about your wedding soon!
I am SO with you on this! Planning a wedding is not fun; it was never really fun for me. I'm not sure if it would be easier if my wedding was local or not, but I know it would be stressful no matter what. FI has no interest in anything wedding related, which is fine to some degree. I don't bother him with details that he (or I, for that matter) really care about. But when there are things he has to be a part of--picking out a tux or rings--he throws the wedding in my face. That this is "my wedding" and that he doesn't need any of this. Well, we are less than a hundred days from the wedding, it's a little too late to bring these ideas to light now, especially if you are saying it because you just don't want to take care of a few things.
I also try not to talk about my wedding to too many of my friends, especially un-married ones because I know it's all boring. But I wish I had people to talk to. It was a little easier when some of my friends were also engaged last year, but now they are married and I don't know that they are interested. I guess I'm just feeling alone and sad, so I'm very grateful to Roxy821 for starting this thread. Hugs all around.
Alright...
So here it is...your overwhelmed, stressed, pissed, angry, sad, tired, frequently annoyed, crazed, tired of the drama, details, and unsolicited opinions, let downs and...and on top of that your hungry all the time. Are we pregnant or getting married? You were a laid back person, laughing about how "others" could so easily become the dreaded bridezilla...now you find yourself weighing the merits of shot guns and grenade launchers. I was engaged all of 72 hours when super excited I got on one of the wedding websites and voila...insta heart attack...I was a little under a year out but according to their planner I was a total slacker and way behind. Though, I wish I could take away all the craziness for you, I can give you some advice about what has kept me sane.
1. Talk to your doctor...crazy, I don't think so. I wasn't sleeping, felt like my hormones were on over drive and more than once found myself saying, did that just come out of my mouth? Well to the DR I went...told her what was going on and walked out with a prescription for a sleep aid, vitamin/supplement regimen and some peace on mind. I have my health and someone completely independent of my wedding in my corner!
2. Project Wedding...I work full time managing highly visible projects for the City of New York, from inception to conclusion, our motto is "Get Her Done." And I realized I have the tools to do the same for my wedding. In every project we have what is called the "critical path" plan. So I ask you...what is your critical path? What do you know and what don't you know? Before you strike out on this journey create your own critical path, starting with the most important thing to you and ending at the details. For us, the starting point was the date. Had to be in the fall because of my FI's work schedule. So we said, fall wedding...no brainer, New England, and so on. If you paint a picture of the must haves for you, well, you have the priority list. Whatever the biggest decisions are, don't let others invalidate them. You are the project manager, therefore, you decide what is important. Also, is a priority really the color of your linens...ask your florist or a friend with good taste and leave the decision there.
3. Which brings me to my team...Who do you know? If you were assembling an A team what would the skill be you feel will help you. Personally, I am a huge second guesser, therefore on my team are a whole slew of people who will give me their unfettered opinion. If three of these people veto something its out...if everyone vetos it and I still need to have it, I shouldn't have asked in the first place! The important thing is I have honest feedback.
I have a great friend who is a graphic designer who is currently unemployed with a small child at home. I spoke to her about my save the dates, and asked straight out, can you design them for me? She was thrilled! My bridesmaids dresses, picked about 6 different styles and told my maids to "have at it" I would see them when I saw them. My mom and my FI's mom's are garage sale/well any sale nuts. I gave them a list and said this is what I am looking for the cheaper the better. If your not sure send me a quick pic on your camera phone and if it is over a buck (vases, christmas lights, mason jars, decorative items, etc.) find out if they are negotiable. They are hilarious and it has become a competition between the two to find the perfect items.
One of the reasons we picked our venue was it is a blank slate with lots of options. We asked for recommendations and were flat out honest about what we could spend. We got our absolutely amazing photographer from a referral on top of another referral. Yup, the one photographer was just too expensive, turns out he mentored our photographer for a number of years before he struck out on his own recently. He had been a photojournalist for years as well. Well we fit together like peas and carrots! He is doing our wedding for $1,800.00 and yes we will own the photos!
Another note on our venue, the ceremony and reception are in the same place so I didn't want to do the rehearsal dinner there, after talking with us they sent us over to see their good friend Sheldon at Stone Hearth Inn. We were smitten with the place and Sheldon has also agreed to host our "after hours activities." YEAH!
Your team will grow and shrink but the point is, ask and you shall receive! People want to be involved so involve them. Make a list, take the time to review your priorities and get them out there. Delegating responsibilities takes some of the pressure off of you and compartmentalizes some of the smaller details into manageable areas. An example of this is a great friend of ours who is a contracts attorney, she has evaluated our contracts for us (with sticky notes) and with our permission has reached out to our preferred vendors on areas that are not clearly laid out. She has helped solidify relationships with our vendors and counseled us away from going with others.
The last members of my team are you guys, feeling like I am not alone in this, reading what others are suggesting and looking for innovative fun ideas that I can incorporate is priceless. I may never meet you but you may have been a key reason for my wedding success.
4. So its time for a reality check...or project audit, this is where your critical paths come in again. What has been accomplished, have you fallen off the path or simply taken a wrong turn. Step back to the Priority item and work forward.
5. But most importantly, trust yourself, trust your team and trust your FI. It's a tremendous amount of responsibility and planning for that perfect day...Work down the scale of important, we are foregoing the band/dj for a simple ipod at the recpetion with a colorful friend being the master of ceremony. A month before the wedding I will reuest an all ipods on deck and have one of my more muciscal friends bang ot the dance list.
6. Lastly, I have leaned heavily on my negotiator, thats right the one person who can schmooze down prices and help us get fair pricing. Case in point, another great friend of ours got married up in VT last year...a catering company seemed to be nickel and diming us. Handed over to my friend who knew the questions to ask and what we wanted and things started to flow more smoothly.
7. Finish line...The only must happen for my BMs is to arrive in Vermont Thursday morning to help set things up put bags together deliver to hotels, etc. Guys will do heavy lifting girls will do decorating with everything in place for the arrival of the flowers.
I don't know if this helps, Certainly things get stressful and decisions must be made, but putting together a team that you can rely on will make things just that much easier and people who love you will be happy they contributed.
8. What do I bring to the table...wellmy vision and a whole lot of creativity. I know I want the decorations to be amazing, and it stresses me out that it might not happen within my budget. So what did I do, I hit the garden centers, and spoke to them about potential "live plant" rentals. As fall is the end of the season and so much goes on sale what could they do for me? The response has been overwhelming and what once seemed undoable...is doable.
So my lovely ladies, find peace in project management. And in the end, if the PM experience has you flummoxed save your sanity and hire a planner.
Good luck, you are not alone and if you need a suggestion on anything in this process let me know. I can put it to my evergrowing team!
I don't think it helps growing up knowing this is the "most important day of your life." My problem is that everyone seems to have an opinion from what they've done and what they've seen. If people can't seem to support you on your decisions for how you envision this important day, then it doesn't make the process fun.
Sure this is going to be stressful but finding a support system will help. My future mother in law is simply driving me crazy... my mom is about to step in and say BACK OFF!
I am definitely with you on this one! I already feel like this has had a negative effect on me and I'm still just looking at venue sites! I finally broke down to my FI the other day that this was all just too much between the overwhelming stress of grad school, dealing with family issues, money issues (we are paying for everything ourselves) and wedding planning. He's so great that he had me send all the information I had collected to him and told me just to concentrate on school. He said he'd research and visit all the places and give me the top 3 to choose from. I knew I was marrying him for a reason. 
This whole process makes me jealous of those girls that can just hire a wedding planner to make all their visions come true.
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Does anyone else feel that their wedding is causing them to be depressed?
I love my FI and can't wait to be his wife, but the wedding not the marriage aspect is so stressful I feel like I have been down a lot lately. My parents are helping us out thankfully, but we are still contrbuting a significant amount. I feel as though I am constantly worried about how we are going to come up with the money that I am starting to lose sleep.I am trying to do things as low cost as I can, but some prices on things you just can't change. We picked the least expensive place we looked at with the best package, researched about 10 vendors from each category to get the best deal, so I feel like I'm being cost conscious.
I think I get caught up in wanting the beautiful wedding, but when I step back and thing about it, I wonder if it's really worth it. I think I debate this with myself alot and always come back to the conclusion that I would always regret not having a wedding.
And then of course there are all these little details that we go crazy over. Since where in any other aspects of my life woulkd I debate for days about chair colors LOL?
I guess I just can't wait for the wedding to be over with and paid for and while we still will save, it won't be we need X amount by X date. I am just starting to feel like I'm not myself. I am a type A personality, but I am starting to worry about everything 100x more than I did before. I used to be such a happy go luck person and now I feel like I am always stressed and tired and even a little depressed. And being at home with my parents who are helping us out, but are still saving every day since they don't have a lot, I feel guilty that my wedding is causing so much stress in everyone'se life.
For Lent, I am going to write a journal everyday about the positive things in my life to try to control this and not let it take over. I want to enjoy my friends, family, and dogs again. When friends want to go out for the night I want to jump on that occasion instead of debating on whether it's worth is to spend the money and go out.