Is anyone here HAPPILY married 5+ years?

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

@rex-tographer:  I’ve been married for 6 years, it will be 7 in June. I found WB because I am planning a vow renewal. I adore my husband. I look forward to spending time with him. I feel like our marriage is better now than when we got married, and it keeps getting better.

Realtionships cycle. You will have your times when its all sunshine and roses. You will also have those times when you have to remind yourself why you want to be married to this person. Its normal! 

Being married also DOESN’T mean that you will never in life be attracted to someone else, or have chemistry with someone else. Being married means you don’t act on it, and you seperate yourself from that situation until it passes, and it does. 

Being married is not a promise of happiness. Its a promise of love. I think a lot of people believe their spouse is responsible for making them happy with life. That is is an unfair expectation of anyone. YOU are responsible for YOUR happiness. I’ve known a lot of people who can’t seem to find a lasting relationship because they keep putting this unfair expectation on their partner. If you are miserable with life, that is something only you can fix. Its an internal problem, not an external one.

I really think that marriage gets too much bad press is nour society. Yes, all you hear about are the bad divorces, but that’s because they have all the dirt! There are many happy marriages that don’t get any press because there is no dirt to exploit.

 

Yes, you can be happily married for YEARS. I have been, and I have faith I will continue to be!

 

Post # 4
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m bookmarking this thread because I’m curious about the responses, not because I have anything to contribute lol.

Post # 5
Member
3195 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Next year will be five years for us. I am also planning a renewal.

We have been through so many hard things together. Being married makes the hard times easier and the good times sweeter. We share both joys and sorrow.

When things are difficult, you can’t just throw in the towel and give up. You have to work through it. 

My parents have been married for 40 years. This is mostly because my mother is a spineless doormat who will tolerate anything from my father. He treats her like a slave, has been unfaithful and violent. I always laugh at my mother when she says she has a “good marriage”. I don’t listen to any of her marriage advice, because I would rather be single forever than have a marriage like that. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
3378 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We will hit 4 years of marriage in April and we’ve been through the wringer (infertility, 6 losses, immigration, etc).  We are still happily married and even closer to each other than we were 4 years ago!

Both our parents are also still happily married to their first and only spouses as well.  🙂

Post # 7
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Bridey77:  +100000  We’ve been married 31 years.  My parents were married to each other for life-46 yrs. My husband’s parents were also married until death.  We’ve all been happily married.

Post # 8
Member
8917 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@rex-tographer:  I’m a newlywed, but I’ve been in a committed, live-in partnership with my now-husband for ~8 years. (And together for longer than that. We both wanted to wait to marry until we were around 30.) People have thought we were married for years, and we essenially were in practice…

We’ve gone through periods where we became habitually resentful of each other and bickered a lot, and those were not fun. But we’ve learned a lot about how to be a good long-term partner from those periods.

The key to a long-term happy marriage, in my mind, is to communicate about issues before getting resentful about them, to be open to hearing constructive criticism from your partner and consciously work to improve that area of fault, and to remember that your relationship is more important than winning an argument or a browbeating. 

All easier said than done!

Post # 9
Member
4223 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

We’ve been together for 8 years,  but married for under one. We’re very happy. I’m not sure why people get so bitter with each other. I think maybe boredom may be part of it. We always try to keep things fun. We don’t fight which is a big part of why it works. We both are very considerate of the other persons viewpoint, opinion and feelngs. We have rules for how we discuss things. We both keep our feelings about things out in the open and in check. 

Post # 10
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We’re only at 2.5 years, but we’ve been living together for 5 and we are really happy.

Post # 11
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@rex-tographer:  We have been together for 9 years, and living together for just over 4 years. When we announced our engagement, many people were suprised we weren’t already married.

We’re really happy! We’re a team, love to spend our free time together, consider each other best friends, and I can’t imagine my life without my guy by my side. We put each other first, and always want the best for each other. We consider not just actions and words, but the intentions behind them, so we haven’t yet been in a period of resentment. 

We’ve have some major restructuring in our lives: illness, the death of a loved one, moving, financial hardships, me quitting my job to go back to school (and take on a HUGE amount of student debt!), him being laid off, me being unemployed, etc. We’ve made it through everything closer than ever because we’re always a team and work through things together. 

It helps that we tend to see eye to eye about the big things: kids, holidays, family time, career goals. We also have similar hobbies and the same circle of friends. On the other hand, we have entirely different careers (law for me, the arts for him), and I do like that we are rarely in a position to compete with each other. We’re both A-type personalities and competitive, but there’s rarely a situation where we’d compete with each other seriously.

In the time that we’ve been together, we’ve seen friends meet, get married, and start divorce proceedings or drift apart. We look at them and it makes us very sad, but it’s always presented an opportunity to look at our relationship and see any parts that could use improvement.

However, I’d attribute our success to open communication and our personalities. We’re frank, and some would consider us to be brutally honest with each other. It works for us, but would probably make other couples bicker. 

Post # 12
Member
4043 posts
Honey bee

@Bridey77:  +1

@rex-tographer:  Though we have only been married for 5 months, we have been together for 10 1/2 years (living together for 5 1/2). In all honesty, nothing much has changed from pre-marriage to after marriage life…and I am so happy about that. We had a solid relationship going into marriage because of years of hard work and committment.

Sure, we had some rough patches (particularly around the 7 year mark), but we worked through them. I love my DH so much, I am even amazed how much my love/affection for him has grown over the past year even though we have been together for so long.

I think a lot of it has come down to communication, developing and working toward common goals and intentionally focusing on our relatoinship. When we hit our rough patch, we were moving along on autopilot and thought that relationships didn’t need attention or nurturing. We were so wrong. Once we starting focusing on us again, on our intimacy and commuication, it was a complete 180. 3 1/2 years after our rough patch, we are so happy where we are in our relationship.

Post # 13
Member
7216 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@rex-tographer:  I’ve been happily married nearly 25 years. Lots of girls my age have been married (and happily married as far as I can tell) for 15+ years.

I’m not sure what our secret is, but being loving and committed to each other is obviously a big part. So is our shared faith – but then I’ve seen quite a few Christian couples divorce too.

I’m here (on WB) in theory because I’m waiting for my daughter’s bf to propose, but mainly because I love weddings 🙂

Post # 14
Member
2164 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Bridey77:  Well said!

 

I’m not married yet but I definitely have some wonderful examples of happily married couples in my life. These people inspire me to take the time to water my own grass.

Post # 15
Member
2225 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1987

26 years, 5 months and 1 day.

🙂

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