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I am having serious anxiety about losing my middle name, but I don't really want to lose my maiden name, but I am absolutely sure I want to take my fiance's last name.
My fiance's idea? Keep all four!
Can I do that? Has anyone done it? I imagine it might be a pain in the neck when filling out forms and such...
Any advice?
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wowie! lol kudos to you and knowing what you want! I have no idea how to help you! but I am sure you'll figure it out
I am going to do it! I am going to legally change my last name to a middle name and take his last name, so I will me MissRain Middle Maiden Married (wow, that was fun to type!). I don't yet know what all it will entail, but I can't imagine doing it any other way.
That's what I did. The only place (so far) it's been a 'problem' is the bank... There I am Jeni Middlemaiden Newlast. :)
I was just thinking this same thing! I'm Mitla [middle] [maiden], I want to be known as "Mitla [Maiden] [Married]" but don't want to drop my middle name (my mom made it up for me), and I don't want to hyphenate.
I think it's up to what the state agencies will allow you to do. One of the Bees posted about trying to do this in Texas and running into some roadblocks, can't remember who it was...
My best friend did this. It depends on your state's rules, but some states (mine is one) only allow you to have your official name fit into 3 fields, for data entry purposes. Therefore, you have to hyphenate somewhere in order to accomodate their format. My friend did FirstName Middle-Maiden NewName on her drivers license.
i'm thinking of hyphenating so it'll be in 3 fields: so first middle oldlast-newlast
My middle name has a lot of significance to me b/c of my grandfather, so I can't get rid of it!
I am planning on dropping my middle name for official document purposes and bumping my maiden to my middle. I figure my middle name will still always be there and its a common name "Elizabeth" which is also my sisters first name so its not anything I'm overly attached to.
So I will be:
Mrs. Gabrielle Maiden HisLast
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I just dropped my middle name, but yeah it was a bit sad!
My mom used both middle and maiden as initials...like Mary HN Lastname.
I've thought about formally changing it to "Mitla [Middle] [Married]" and then just using "Mitla [Last] [Married]" in a professional context.
Would it be illegal for me to do that if it isn't my official name? I'm just thinking of using it to sign my emails or on publications, not legal documents.
@Milta: That's what I'm thinking of doing too...at least at the moment. :)
I kept all 4, adding my maiden as a second middle name. It isn't really a problem anywhere, but be prepared that some places do have limited characters or fields for name entry. I think social security and my retirement fund are they only ones that spell out my full name on the forms. My drivers license (WA state) had a maximum number of characters, so they only put the inital for my maiden name, but spelled out my other names (but the full name is in my record somehow).
So you have to be prepared that your name or initials might not be 100% consistent on all your accounts or forms. But I just made sure I put it all on my name change forms, and then let that agency or company figure out how to process it. And as long as it's consistent on your legal documents, and as much as possible on your financial docs, it shouldn't cause any problems down the road.
Good luck! Even though my maiden name doesn't show up that much on forms, I like that it's still there as part of my legal identity and full name, so I'm glad I kept all 4 :)
I'm a little curious - maybe I just don't understand - why would you lose your middle name?...
(just curious about this...i myself am just taking changing my last name to his).
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It's something I'm considering. I definitly want to take my fiances last name but I don't know if I want to keep my maiden name or not. I have 3 brothers, 3 nephews, and 2 cousins with my maiden name so I'm not worried about that. It's just been a part of me for 32 years. But then I think life is about constant change. So I don't know.....
So sorry, I don't have any good advice for you. I'm stuck up here on the fence!
We're BOTH going to have all four. I'm taking his last without dropping any of my own names, and he's going to take on my last as a second middle name.
I don't think it will be a big deal, because you can use a simpler name (First Name, FI-Last Name) for everyday life.
I seriously considered keeping all four, but in the end I just went for the simpler route and dropped my maiden name. So far, I am happy with the decision. I am a middle initial girl, I always use it to sign checks/official things and love all thjngs monogrammed. In the end it was more important to me to just keep the same middle initital instead of having a new one or having to sign two initials.
I have 4 names! but that's because here we keep our mom's last name at the end. I have no idea what I'm going to make because I want to take the Mr. Last name :) too after the wedding.
I can tell you I was weird for me to fill everything with just two or three when I was in California
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Hopefully I'm going to keep all four. Although I want to go even further and swap my current middle name for a maternal family name so that my name will be Caitlan Mom's Dad's NewLast. I'm totally going to try and eat my cake too. :-) And like Minneapolitan, my fiance will also be adding my maiden name as a second middle.
I really need to research this, because....I have TWO middle names and would like to keep BOTH of them, plus adding my maiden name as ANOTHER middle name, and taking his last name. Now, I know that you can have more middle names than are on your "official" documents in general; about the only place you'll see my current second middle name is on my birth certificate and college diploma. But I want to go as FirstName MaidenName MarriedName on an everyday basis, and it would be easiest for my passport, credit cards, etc. to reflect that, so the question is, can I convince various official entities that FirstName MaidenName MarriedName is acceptable "shorthand" for FirstName MiddleName1 MiddleName2 MaidenName MarriedName?
(As for why I want to keep both middle names -- all three of my first names have special emotional significance to me. I can't ditch all my middle names altogether for a maiden-name middle name because that would sorta be privileging one side of the family over another, for example. All three names were chosen for certain individual reasons, but they also work together in a certain way. Removing one of 'em disrupts the dynamic. Plus, I like them all!)
Suggestions? I live in the Lone Star State. I have idly considered becoming FirstName MaidenName MiddleName1 MiddleName2 MarriedName if that's what it takes, but that is, shall we say, not my preferred solution! :)
I say go with your gut on this one. I have done some research and found that hypenating is tough when it comes to data entry and annoying when it comes to all kinds of documents. But as much as I try to be completely rational, I still want to keep my name. To make matters worse, my grandmother asked me to take her last name as my middle name because I don't currently have one. So after I am married I will be Firstname Middlename-Maidenname Hislastname. Wow...
Wow. To think I could almost have FIVE names..
Mrs. Belle (first) Scarlett (middle) Ohara (maiden) Franklymydearidon'tgivva (xh's last name) and Butler (my guy's last name).
I have no damn clue about this. You are making my head hurt now! I am already hyphenated now btw (my maiden and xh's last name so my son's teachers would know we're related and not get confused).
@ minneapolitan - us too! If our new state lets us, we'll be Mr. and Mrs. Mylast Hislast, no hyphen! If there we're only allowed three, I guess we'll hypenate, although I'm not too keen on that idea.
I'm debating it myself, except my dilemma is between:
1) NOT changing at all (Mr. Carri3 is in favor b/c of my career);
2) hyphenate my last and his last
3) keep all four! making my last second middle name. my middle name is already hyphenated, so it would be Carri3 mid-dle maiden married.
I was going to wait and see what the law says is possible then decide. Anyone know the rule in Chicago, IL? Most likely where we will file for our marriage license.
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I kept all four (with maiden as second middle name)! I rarely use all four; however, I am super glad I kept them all.
When I have to choose one middle initial for forms and such, I usually use that of my middle name because it comes first. But it could just as easily be the other. I try to be consistent though just so I don't get myself all mixed up! I think you should keep all your names too :) (totally unbiased, right)
@emgettingmarried Good luck with that! It sounds like it's pretty different across the country. I know MN lets us have whatever combo we want, I was totally relieved when I found that out. Two middle names, two last names without a hyphen, etc etc.
Does anyone have any experience using both your maiden name and FI's last name as your last name but <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic">without a hyphen, just a space? So my new name would be Misscalico Middle Maiden Newlast, with my official last name as Maiden Newlast? Is that just asking for trouble? I don't want to hyphenate, I just want them both to be legally my last name so I can use maiden for career, and newlast for personal life. I don't think I'd ever actually go by Mrs. Maiden Newlast, I'd choose one or the other (Mrs. Maiden at work, Mrs. Newlast otherwise). Would it be easier to put my maiden name as my middle name? Also does anyone know where I can look up what the rules are for each state? I have no idea where to start looking for Maryland about how many names you can have!!
@miss calico, that is what i want to do too! but i don't think it's legal. Also, would you have to put both last names on every document like drivers license, etc? I have professional reasons I want to go by ONLY my maiden name (for privacy) but I really want to take my fi's name socially and legally really. I don't know what to do!! Where can we find out about all of this?
Otherwise I am going to see if I can have 4 names with my maiden as 2nd middle. If not, I really don't know what to do. This issue has been stressing me out so much I'm tempted to not change anything and just go by HisLast socially! But even that might be too confusing, ughhhh.....!!!
I had the same dilemma when changing my name, but I also wanted to add in my mom's last name. So, after all the rattling of my brain I decided on my First Name, Middle Name (Mom's Last Name + My Maiden Name,) Hubby's Last Name. So I have 4 names, but no longer have my middle name from birth. I wanted to keep it and have 3 middle names, but Social Security wasn't having it and was already giving me a hard time about the 2 middle names. I kinda struggle with it now with a new middle initial and nowhere does two for me, so it's kind of sad because my maiden name is completely being forgotten since it's my second middle name :(
I have three (yes 3) middle names. One I love because it is my mum & my godmother's name, one I chose myself, and the third was one my parents picked because we are catholic and I was born on a catholic holiday.
I really don't like the "catholic" name, and my first name is a bit too ugh how do I put this..."fancy" for me....my parents don't ever call me that unless they're PO'd with me and we've moved on from that since high school.
At this point, I've decided to move my last name to my middle name/initial and take Mr H's last name as my last name.
I have way too many names....it's a strange trend in my family....nobody is actually addressed as their "real" name....so I'm gonna still be me, keep my family name in the middle, and be Mrs (Mr HW's) last name. I know it's going to be a nightmare with my passport, ssc card, greencard...but some day I just want to be Mrs HKW....that's IT!
@misscalico It depends on your state. I know it's legal in Minnesota, but you'd have to look up the marriage information for your particular state. I just went to the website my state has for marriage license info.
I know it's legal in VA, because it's what my mom did when she married my dad in 1984. She signs everything "Mary T.C. Lastname." I'm planning on doing the same, once I start changing my name (hopefully this coming week!) I'll probably use "Catherine Hislast" in most cases, or even "Catherine Maiden-initial Hislast" but I didn't want to drop my middle name because I think Catherine Marie flows really well.
I have been debating this as well. I had at first just wanted to add his name as a second last name, but you can't do that in New York. So, I'm either going to hyphenate or just keep my name. I am definitely keeping my middle name! Part of it is due to the fact that I am in a licensed profession and my degrees and bar certificates are all in my current name.
I am currently in the process of legally changing my name to keep all four in NJ. I received a final judgement allowing me to do so, so I think it's safe to assume that the gov't agencies in my state will let me fill out forms with all four as well. But I did have to jump through more hoops to do it this way vs. dropping a name or hyphenating! I had to appear in court, ($200 court fee) and publish my court date in the local paper ($65 fee). And now that the judge has approved my request, I now have to AGAIN publish my name change in the paper (another $65). So they don't make it easy, but you CAN do it (at least in NJ)! I figure this is my name, I will have it for the rest of my life, I should do it exactly the way I want. I hope that you are able to do so too!
I guess I missed this the first time around, but we both kept all 4. Only difference is that I'm keeping my last name as my last name, and he's keeping his as well... but we added each other's as second middle names.
OMG - I just realized i may have created a big problem for my daughter - she has a hyphenated middle name [Firstname Middle-Middle Last] Poor thing. I'm glad she's only 8 and we can work that out in about 20 years! LOL
Mine's pretty simple : I'll be going from [First Middle Last] to [First Middle Hislast]
I actually have four names already. My mom gave me two middle names.
When I fill out forms I just pick my favorite of the two middle initials and write that. In your case you'd probably use your actual middle name then either hyphenate your two last names or just use your married last name.
I'll be taking his last name when we marry. Because one, I don't want 5 names, and two my dad was a dead beat so I'm not all that attached to my last name. No one knows how to pronounce it anyways (it's very german).
I am planning on keeping all four. My middle name is my grandmother's name and I want to keep it, but for professional reasons I want my maiden name to still be in there. I don't like hyphens though so it will just be First Middle Maiden NewLast. If I have to pick for forms and such, I will probably just use my regular middle initial.
I never thought about two middle names and using the initials. My last name is 10 letters and his is 7 so I would be inserious trouble if I hyphanated or had 2 lasts. I was planning to be traditional and drop mine for his but I could easily get used to 2 initials. Since he does not have a middle name, maybe we can make one up or he could take mine when we marry, then he could avoid the N/A designation in the future.
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