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When I was in my 20's, I was 100% against having kids. I never thought I'd have any.
As I approached 30, I thought that maybe I'd like to have one.
I'm still feeling the same way 5 years later. The boy is undecided but I think that eventually, he'll decide that having a kid will be great. But all of the stuff that's been going on with kids in our country lately (Phoebe Prince killing herself because of bullies, Constance McMillan being ostracized because she's gay) makes me feel like maybe I don't want to bring a kid into this world.
i think about that all the time. if you would have asked me two years ago if i planned on having children, my answer was down right "no." i think my mind has started to change, but it's really not a priority. i'll keep swallowing that birth control until my mind is totally made up.
me! I was always staunchly anti- kid. I told everyone that i would never have kids. Then I met FI and he really wanted kids and he seemed like he'd be such a good dad and suddenly I started thinking maybe having a life centered around family rather than one centered around work/husband only would be a good thing? Ironically I was so anti-kids the first year we were dating I kind of talked him out of them! Now I'm am thinking I maybe want them and he's thinking he maybe doesn't haha. I need to be careful about what arguments I win I guess!!
The jury is definitely out. So much to think about. But I commend all of you responsible women (and your SO's) for thinking the decision through beforehand. That is definitely the right approach, regardless of your final decision. So many people have children without really examining their lives and their resources first. That is a true injustice to the child before he/she is ever born.
P.S. I definitely understand accidents happen and I'm not trying to be mean or offend anyone that reads this thread. Just my personal opinion - please don't misread.
I am DEFINITELY not sure which tends to surprise everyone because I love decorating, scapbooking, baking and sending out cards for holidays live, I in a house with a picket fence,and I work in education. Sometimes I really wish I were excited about it, but I don't believe not wanting children makes me any less of a person/woman (as several people I know have insinuated); I think it's a matter of knowing yourself and finding peace with the contribution you want to make to the world no matter what it is.
We're pretty sure we don't want kids, but occasionally I'll think maybe... but then I swing back to definitely not. I like other people's kids, but I think we might be content with our cat and one day, a dog too. Preferably a golden from the rescue group. :)
I am 100% positive that I will *never* have kids, and, fortunately, FI is on board with that. I knew since I was 4 years old that I never wanted them, and I told FI on our second date that if he *had* to have kids that I wasn't the one for him.
And, contrary to popular belief, I had an awesome childhood and am very close to my family.
I'm completely unsure. I'm still in my mid-20s so I have time, and my husband and I agreed we'd wait to have kids until we're older (like late 30s, early 40s). I love my lifestyle right now. Quiet weekend mornings. Travel whenever we need to. I go straight home after work and make a quick dinner for two. It's pretty easy compared to the life of having kids. I'm not sure if I want to sacrifice that.
My husband is leaning toward kids, and each year, I lean a little more than way, too, but we'll see! It's that whole creating a life and bringing it into the world thing that gets me. We both did agree, however, that if one decides they want kids, and the other still does not, we'll have to be okay with that. As in, life with each other without kids is better than life with kids and without each other.
My husband and I are not sure about kids at all. I have a few cousins my age that already have them and friends that are talking about having them soon but I just don't want any!
My FI and I have had this conversation a few times. I was never that girl who couldnt wait to get married and pop out babies. My sister is that mini van mom but I could never be. My FI was previously married and they had two children. Ages 6 and 9 now. She cheated and they divorced and him and I got together and I am their step mom :) Its so weird to say the least. To be honest I love them dearly but this definitely made my decision not to have children stronger. He is fine with it. We have our mommy daddy days and then we have a week off to ourselves. Its like the best of both worlds and I will never have to go through child birth hahaha j/k but if I get that itch I can babysit my sisters.. 
I always figured I want to have kids someday, but lately I've been thinking "if we couldn't or didn't have kids I'd be all right with it". My thing is that I don't feel the need to deliberately try, but if something unexpected happened I'd be okay with it.
I definitely don't know if I want them or not! It kind of irritates me when people in my life (parents, collegues, friends) are shocked when I mention it and start telling me all the reasons why I *have* to have kids. I do NOT have to have kids! If I have them, it will be because my FI and I decided that it was right for us.
Its a tough one though - there are so so so many reasons why I don't want to have kids. But there are a couple small reasons why I might want to have them, and I'm slightly scared that if I ignore them i'll regret it at like 60!
i definitely don't know. if you asked me 4 years ago it would be a straight up "hells no"... but now i think, "ok maybe"..but not 100%..and i feel like its something you should know you want. FI wants them i think, but still sometimes says that we'll never have kids... ugh who knows!!! 
another thing about having kids for me...at this point in my life, i think the only reason i would want kids would be just to see how they would turn out. to see what they would look like, how they would act, what kind of parents we would be...and that, to me, are all the WRONG reasons and totally selfish. it just scares me to think thats the only reason i would want them.
my perfect life? traveling the world in a tour bus playing music with my future husband and a band. that life just does not include children. :/
oh my gosh! so excited I found this! I have been feeling like I REALLY don't want kids lately. This has come as a HUGE shock to everyone I know because I am from a small family oriented town. Everyone had kids young and lots of them. When I tell people that I just cannot see myself doing all these mom things- like ever- they are like "ohh, its so different when theyre yours" but I say what if its NOT different. Thats not a risk I'm willing to take anytime in the near future.
Anyways, I ask people I mean WHY would I want kids. Name 5 REALLY great things about them. I cant personally think of 5 great things, but I can think of 5 bad/not fun things:
1. Having a child decreases marital happiness.
2. They are expensive.
3. you can never ever just GO somewhere after they are born.
4. You get fat.
5. It will NEVER EVER be just you and your hubby ever again. I personally LOVE my time spent with just me and him and I am NOT ready to give that up for the next 18ish years.
anyways, as you can see I have a very pessimistic view on kids, I could go one for dayyys. Some people will definitely disagree with my reasoning, but my view will definitely not change.
It's something we struggle with all the time. We love our life and our small family with just us and our pets. We love our independence, and are still at a primarily "selfish" stage in our lives. I certainly do not want to have kids within the next 5-6 years.
At one point, we both had firmly said no. Over the past year, it changed a bit. I think we both have parenting instincts there, but aren't drawn to kids like we are to animals. I get nesting urges and "awww, baby!" moments but not nearly as often as most women do. I have always been a very animal-centered person, and it is hard for me to imagine taking care of a little person instead.
I think we will have kids, but we're waiting until we are both emotionally and financially there. We're just nowhere close yet. And, if down the road it turns out that we still feel this way, we may just not have kids.
I know that I want children eventually but since I am 25 I am taking my time. I would recomend readign Barren in the Promised Land though for people that do not want children or who do but are interested in how a women not wanting children is preceived in society. In college we read this book for Children in American and it was a great insight to society and the pressure to have children even want a person does not want them. Ok well I have not explained the book great but if you google it, it will probably sound better!!!
I'm not really sure yet. I'm impatient, spontaneous, and I love to be alone, three things that really don't mesh well with being a parents. I look at my relationship with my Mom, and while it's great now, it was pretty awful when I was a teen. I think she was also impatient and she lost her temper with me a lot. I don't want to be like that.
I keep saying "5 years" but in 5 years, I'll be 35. I still don't know if I'll be ready then. I like my life and I'm hesitant to change it.
The choice to have kids always seemed like an obvious "yes" to me growing up. I'm really fortuante to come frmo a great family and we're really close, so I knew I'd want one of my own. But now that it actually seems more like a reality - I'm freakin' out. Raising human beings is hard work! And especially since I'm very career oriented, the idea of "giving that up" to have kids scares me.
I know ultimately I want to have a family. Personally, it'd seem lonely to not have kids, who might kids of their own someday. I'm really close to my mom, and I'd like to be that kind of mom too:)
But right NOW...it scares the sh*t outta me!
I will paraphrase two back to back texts from my SIL (who has 2 beautiful daughters) - Out on a date night with my hubby! first time in 2 months we've gone out just us. --- When are you two having babies?!?!
!!!
Like the first text message would make me EVER want to have kids, let alone soon. Eeek. I am a Taurus, very set in my ways. We will not (purposely) have a child unless we have a grandparent within an hour's drive, or can afford a nanny or frequent babysitter. That sounds like a nightmare, not something people spend their whole lives dreaming about. :-X But since everybody is always talking about babies around me, it's unfortunately something that i keep having to think about.
No kids for me! I am *terrified* of childbirth and know I would be an awful pregnant person. I also don't think I would make a good mom, I would be strict and impatient. I wouldn't want me as a mom!
I'm on the pill at the moment - we've decided that once were married I'll come off it and then we can just see what happens.
When I was 22 I got pregnant and really didn't want it, but unfortunately lost the baby and felt so guilty after wards, I'm a firm believer in fate - I lost the baby for a reason - If I'd had the baby I wouldn't have been working when Simon (my FI) came into the hospital. We wouldn't engaged and so if I get pregnant this winter - next summer or (hopefully not) never then there'll be a reason. It's not about God or divine intervention - I'm an atheist - I just think what will be will be.
I always wanted kids when i was younger... UNTIL we got a puppy about a year ago and that turned me into a no kids.
But i think maybe if we adopted, or if we won the loto. Lots of maybe or if this happended.
Still very undecided
I'm about 99% on the no-kids side of things. My fiance is about 80% there. I occasionally hear the "you're selfish" or "who will take care of you when you're old" argument from relatives. But if I'm really that selfish, I'll have selfish kids who won't take care of me anyway! I'm not actually all that selfish, but I do value my independence and I'm not the nurturing type. The boy is a little more nurturing but at least admits he won't make the sort of commitment to child-rearing that I would need to even consider having children with him. I'm getting into the later part of my twenties and haven't really felt any baby fever. Sometimes they're cute, but usually seeing people with kids around makes me really excited that I don't have any to deal with.
I think about adulthood, and the twenty or so years that won't be spent raising children and I get really, really excited to spend those with my partner instead of with kids.
I'm not positive that I want kids. My FI is sure that after we're married for a while, I will change my mind. He's probably right, but for now, I'm not really into it.
I went through a 2-3 yr period of being very anti-kid, and I swore up and down I would NEVER change my mind. Until I did. I'm sure a lot of your that say you'll never want them really won't ever want them, but keep in mind perspectives DO change=) I was also horribly anti-marriage from about 19/20-26-ish.
I really go back and forth...and let me say it's nice to have this post.
There are so many gushy baby baby baby things around, being a married 20-something, that it's refreshing to vent a little and get away from that.
I know my fiance wants to have kids, and soon. I do...well, I definitely don't want to as badly as he does. Franky, until about 5 mos ago I was firmly in the "no" category. I am afraid of the consequences, I'm afraid that I will regret having a child and resent the child for taking away my freedom later down the road. Im afraid it will overly complicate our marriage and drain the fun out of my young and energetic years and leave me in a life of long hours and drudgery to put food on the table. We both make decent money now, enough to live comfortably...I worry that another mouth to feed will put us solidly into paycheck to paycheck territory, which is never a fun place to be.
I've worked so hard over the last 5 years to get into fantastic shape. I'm strong, fast and comfortable in my skin...as the funny fat friend in high school, that's a big deal to me. Being healthy and in shape is a big part of who I am now. I'm worried that pregnancy, the inability to exercise, and then a 18 year span of finger foods, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and pizza parties will take it's toll on all of that.
Free time, privacy. I'm a solitary person, I like sitting outside and reading, I like sitting on a pier by myself and daydreaming. I like alone time. I know that will dwindle down to nothing.
I also, and this is my confession... Im also afraid that my kid/kids will like my husband more than they will like me; and that I'll be jealous of him forever. He's such a kid person, loud and funny and willing to make a fool of himself at the drop of a hat to make someone laugh. I'm more shy and reserved.That's my most irrational fear, but a fear it is.
FH and I were having this conversation last weekend. We're both unsure and since we are unsure we know it's not time for us.
When I was younger I was completely sure I would never get married or have kids, but now here I am at 31 planning my wedding. All of my family members my age, all my college friends and all my lifelong friends have kids and the minute they saw this ring they started asking when the babies were coming. I keep them at bay by saying after the wedding, but I'm not even sure if it will happen then.
For me I guess I kind assume that one day I'll want kids... there is no part of me that actually wants a child right now, but I figure that when I'm older I'll just get the itch. My husband for sure wants kids, but not for a while. I'm 25 and he's 27 and neither one of us wants to have children until we're into our 30's.
It scares me because I LOVE our life without kids. I love being able to travel, I love being financially stable and being able to live somewhat frivolously, I love alone time, and I love living life on my schedule and my terms. I'm so scared that all of that will go away when we have children, and that I'll always miss my life before kids. That said, my husband for sure wants kids, so we will have them... I just hope that when that time comes I'm on board.
It's nice to read about others in limbo! We know we want a family but it seems very abstract right now, as we are in our early 20s. I get baby fever sometimes but its like craving a bad dessert - it sounds good but you know as soon as you do it, you'll be like, "Oh, man, what was I thinking?" I don't know that I could bite the bullet and actually have a child anytime soon - it is just too scary! Sometimes that makes me wonder if I really am cut out to be a mom, but I do know I have the desire to have a family with FI - just not right now!
I am really glad to read all these posts. As someone that is a major giver, I am just beginning to put myself first. Kids added into that seems like disaster! At this point, I am working on taking care of my own life, I don't want to be responsible for making or breaking someone else's, let alone keep them alive. We get pressured a lot to have kids, but I really really really want to take care of myself and my goals before I even think about it.
And I would definitely want a reliable parent (which does not exist for us) or an amazing baby sitter nearby. I am spontaneous, adventurous, free-spirited. I think I will stick with my lab for now.
Also, I like the idea of a big healthy family, but pregnancy kind of freaks me out. It seems like commiting body self-destruction (at least in my mind, in regard to my own body).
My mom remarried and had a baby when I was almost 16. Needless to say, it was a terrible experience, and I got a lot of "experience." I saw how unhappy my mother was, and I knew how unhappy I was. I'm sure there are many good experiences out there, but it definitely scared me off. My MOH had a baby about a year and a half ago- so that she wouldn't have to work again. That is so not me. I am so motivated. Also, my Grampa is always pressuring us, saying "your career can wait, the babies can't." I just want to be at a place where I am ready so that I have no regrets- I wouldn't want to put that on someone. I want no kid of mine to be an excuse as to why I haven't gotten where I wanted. It is so unfair to them.
I guess I have seen a lot of kids born for a lot of strange reasons. I definitely want to be ready and sure before we head down that path ;).
I don't really want kids. Never did; my family was always like "oh, it's just a phase, you'll want them eventually." Well, I have been anti-child for my entire life, and it's only getting stronger. Seeing/hearing children out in public just makes me want to get the Hell away from them. I don't find them cute, I think they are disgusting and more trouble than they are worth.
That being said, if the BF absolutely wants one, then maybe. We'll see. Physically, I don't think I could handle the damage to my body without having a mental breakdown (body image issues that I've spent all my life resolving). My ideal situation would be to wait until we are both into our forties, financially sound, have traveled and lived as much as we want, and then adopt one or two children and give them an amazing life. Why make more babies when there are already so many out there that have nothing?
I don't want kids, I think. MAybe it's just that I'm too young to hear my biological clock ticking.
I never, ever wanted kids (in my teens/20's)...I was the one who said "No way!"...and then a few years ago I changed my mind! I'm almost 33, so the clock has started ticking a little-we are going to wait until Sept/Oct or so and start trying-originally we thought right after our wedding in April, but this weekend we decided to save more money first which I think is smart. Plus I just came off the pill last week and want to start pre-natal vitamins now....
Let me say that I think it's a GOOD thing not to have kids if you don't want them. Like somebody said above, you should only have them if you want them...in this era, we women get to decide. I'm sure many women back in the 50's for example had children because it was the "right thing to do"...normal thing....
I love living in this era!!! We women have choices. :)
OMG...I thank you for starting this post. I'll be 38 when I get married in Oct and FI will be almost 42. I think about having a child but then I also think about how I won't be able to just come home anymore from work and chill out with my dogs, do what I want and etc, etc, etc. FI would probably lean toward NOT having one for financial reasons.
But then sometimes I really do want one. So I think, if I'm 40 when I have a baby, I'll be 60 when the kid is 20. My mom is 62 now and holy crap, she'd die if she had a 20 year old right now to deal with.
I just don't know. A very back and forth issue for me.
I used to belive i was born to be a mother. I LOVE LOVE kids and they love me and i tend to mother everybody around me INCLUDING my own mother. But as years go by i am more thinking of the simple fact THAT I DO NOT need to have kids. I have my husband who is more like a big baby (in both cute and sometimes annoying way) and two BEAUTIFUL cats we are very very happy together. I feel complete with us 4 together (dreading the day the little cats will leave us). Before he was not the one who wanted kids but nwo HE THINKS it is his right to have kids. Easy for him to say he will do way less of a work than i would :) so we go back and forht for now we are for sure waiting for around 4-6 more years. He agrees right now it is not the right time. I really want to enjoy our marriage. But as others have mentioned accidents happen nothing is 100% in birth control and he is against abortion (i am not 100% against it myself) ...so right now i do not want kids at all...but if i ever do i want a little girl (L)
thats a hell no for me, and my opinion hasnt wavered over the last few years. FH wanted kids, and now hes leaning towards no. I said that I wasnt the maternal type and he def understands. That doesnt mean I hate kids. I love them very much so, I just dont want any of my own :S
It's really tough for me to envision having children right now. It is so odd, because I thought I would want kids at age 30 and RIGHT after we got married. I am about to turn 30 and am not feeling the need to start now. My husband is a surgery resident (think Gray's anatomy...) and works' about 90 hours a week (including weekends) and I have a high stress, consuming job as well (leave the house around 7 am, get home around 7:30 p.m.) Running our household (cooking, bill paying, shopping, etc) is all on me so I don't have a lot of free time.
I have a beautiful niece (16 months) and another one on the way in a few months. I see the struggle that my sister has had with a career - and she does not work as much as I do and her husband works about 50% less then mine.
I think my current disinterest is just based on a "how the heck would we do it?" mentality. I know having children is going to be a stressful endeavor because of my husband's work schedule, even if I go part time. I worry that it would take a toll on our relationship. Also, even though my husband and I have been together for nearly 9 years (married for 7 months) I still feel like we have so much left to do together.
All that said, I do want children. I never envisioned a life without them, so I think at some point, I will just need to suck it up and take the plunge!
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