Post # 1
I’m just curious! When I was five years old I asked my mom if it would be ok if I kept my last name when I got married (she was kind of suprised, to say the least) and 24 years later I still feel the same way, so I plan on hyphenating and adding his to mine after we’re married. I love my name, so it feels like the right decision for me.
Post # 3
Here’s another option: BOTH of you adding your last name as a middle & taking his last. This is the option we went with.
I proffer this (which I know was NOT one of the options you listed) only because, I intended to hyphenate until I learned from Mr. how difficult hyphenation is to couples, with or without kids, on legal documents, travel documents, etc. (He speaks from experience, as he was an assistant to married producers & handled most of these issues for them & their kids) Additionally, while he valued me honoring my name by keeping it, he discussed with me how his parents would take it & how that would not foster a great relationship between my FILs & me…and not sure how that would affect their relationship with our future kids, should they have hyphenated names like me. So, we compromised…both changing our names. A win-win situation, I don’t say good-bye to my name, we both have the same names, & his parents are happy with me. Added bonus, my parents are flattered that Mr. took on their name…they’ve said it feels just like they’ve gained a son on paper, too. It actually became a further bonding moment between both sets of parents. Another added bonus, we’ll be going through the name changing process together (on SS cards, bank accounts, pay checks, passports, etc.); another bonding experience!
We are still discussing whether our future kids will have my name as a middle, too, mostly because we don’t want to burden anyone with two middle names (having each grown up with one) & noticing that most forms only ask for one initial anyway. But we’ll jump that bridge when we come to it.
Post # 4
Yep—I am. We are both in the same profession and will be practicing in the same office. It is mainly to avoid confusion among our patients, but there is a very distinct part of me that is proud of what I have accomplished before I am married. Merging names allows me to be formally a part of two families-my parents siblings and my new family with my husband (and someday kids!).
The only downside is my hyphenated last name will be 17 letters and a hypen long!
Post # 5
I have been debating this for a long time and I think it’s totally unfair that I would normally have to take his last name. At first I wanted to not change my name at all. But now I’m thinking about just adding his name to my last name without the hyphen. I don’t want to lose any part of my name just because I’m marrying him.
Post # 6
For those of your keeping your last name and attaching his, will you use your maiden name as your middle name?
Post # 7
I will hyphenate my name on unoffical things like business cards, facebook, etc. But I will offically be my Fristname my Middlename his lastname.
Post # 8
I have kept the same last name for 56 years now–through two marriages–and do not ever plan to change it. If men don’t change theirs when they get married, why should we?
Post # 9
I definitely like the idea of both individuals adding their last names together, that is what makes most sense to me since a marriage is two people commiting their lives to each other and coming together to make a new family. But bring this up with many of the most open minded men (my fiance included) and they get confused. “But, why would I change my name?…” (Exactly how I feel, duh!!! Haha!) I guess I just feel like a name should be permanent- what your parents gave you is what you should get to keep your whole life.
My paternal grandmother did the traditional “make your maiden name your new middle name” thing, but I like my middle name so I don’t want that to go away either.
So, I’ll hyphenate my last name and will introduce myself as Ms. B-P, but I know this will probably confuse people and I’ll get called just Ms. B, or just Ms. P alone, but as long as no one calls me late to dinner, it won’t really matter to me, haha! No, in all seriousness, I will correct them, but I’m not going to be a huge jerk about it.
P.S. Thanks for all of your opinions/ input! 🙂
Post # 10
I am keeping my name and FI wants to take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Post # 11
I am hyphenating… hence the screen name! I posted on this about a month ago and got some very good replies. Basically I am hyphenating because i love my maiden name and don’t see any reason why I should give it up! Plus my hyphenated name will only be 11 letters long and 3 syllables, so it won’t be that bad…hopefully.
Hyphenating Dilemma…No one takes me seriously!
Post # 12
@Ms.Pascua- this is exactly what we are doing! We went back and forth about the name change thing…I didn’t really want to do it…then a good friend came up with this compromise. FI doesn’t have a middle name so it worked out well. I really didn’t want to hyphenate because it 16 letters/6 syllables. Also, I did NOT drop my original middle name…I am keeping that too. I will be using my maiden name at work for now at least. I love that my FI was willing to honor my family in this way. So far the plan is to give the name to our children as well.
Post # 13
I think i will take his last name for non legal things
But I can’t be bothered changing EVERYTHING (it scares me) so I’m not sure if i’ll change everything, license, passport, bank etc etc
especially as I have a degree and diploma in my maiden name and will be publishing soon under my maiden name (fingers crossed!)
Post # 14
I am keeping my last name for everything. I never thought about doing anything else.
Post # 15
I’ve kept my name as planned, but people always ask if I kept my name and when I say yes, there’s this awkwardness….we always said I’d keep it, but now we’re thinking maybe in the future I’ll put my maiden as middle name and take his, or maybe hyphenate. I’m talking like in like 5 years.
Post # 16
@MzMarzipan: I’m keeping my maiden name at work, too! Mostly because I’m a high school teacher & it helps with continuity when teaching younger relatives of former students…& because I have a GREAT rep for being a tough teacher. But my name is legally changing (so people in HR & payroll with see & know my new name), & I like the new name to go with my new life…not that much has changed, yet everything has changed. I also kept my original middle name, so has Mr. It seemed like the right thing to do, since both of our middle names are in honor of people important to our mothers. But when forms ask for a middle initial or only one middle name, I’m putting my maiden & so is he.
Coming to this compromise wasn’t exactly easy…we had many discussions about it, mostly about how I wanted to keep my identity, he wanted the relationship between me & FILs to be as smooth as possible, the logistics of mother (me) & (future) kids having different names or the same, but hyphenated names that are different from his, the fact that kids tend to keep only one of those names, which could hurt whichever parent or set of grandparents connected to the name they drop.
One of the final discussions involved the confusion of addressing envelopes to married couples with different names…it kinda annoyed me that, when I called or emailed to ask some of these women, in order to honor THEIR decision, they responded rather curtly to me, as if annoyed that I had to ask. Don’t know if this curtness stemmed from years of having to answer the same question over & over, or something else entirely (pretty sure I was polite & friendly without joking), but it helped tip the scale for me. That AND the fact that we both equally took each other’s names as a nominal (pun intended) sign that we are one family.
I think, whatever decision is made, please be polite to those who ask about it…they don’t mean any harm, they may just want to honor your name or understand how you decided.