Post # 1
I couldn’t bear to give up my maiden name, and FH really wanted me to take his name in some form, so I changed to MyFirst MyMiddle MyMaiden HisLast. At work, I still go by my maiden name and most people know this. Everywhere else, I go by MyFirst MyMaiden HisLast- I use it on EVERYTHING. I have gotten a number of Christmas cards and NOT ONE has my correct name so far. IT makes me sad and a little irritated. Don’t I get to choose my own name? Anyone else have trouble being called what you want?
Post # 3
I just had a friend get married and I wasn’t sure if she changed her last name or not, so I went ahead and asked her to be sure before sending anything out.
But to be fair, your last name is his now, not yours; and since you didn’t hypenate they are two words. So I don’t think it’s wrong that people didn’t also include your last name on addresess. People may not realize that it is the case you wish to use both last names simulataneously.
I plan to get rid of my middle name and keep my last and take his, so if I put MyFirst MyLast HisLast people would just assume that i was including my middle name on correspondances and not that I expected them to understand I want them to use both.
Post # 4
Ummm ya. I got our land survey today for our lot addressed to the woman who used to live here. Yes we have the same first name, but come on, I corresponded back and forth with the guy who did the survey, and he emailed me numerous times to my firstnamelastname email address!!!! That makes me nuts! I paid you a lot of money, get my effing name right!!!!
On a side note, DH and I both thought it was funny when we saw this one particular photo from our wedding. Our caterer had written a breakdown of the day on those HUGE easel chart pages with at the top “MAIDEN NAME WEDDING”. I’m taking DH’s last name, so shouldn’t it have been “Maiden Name His Name Wedding” or just “His Name Wedding”?! It sort of made me giggle. Maybe he’s Mr Bakerella now 😉
Post # 5
I am very respectful of other people who don’t change their names, particularly since I’m someone who never, never would. But with that said, if I saw that your name was now Firstname Maidenname Hisname, I would assume you’d changed your name (because you did, right?), and so you were okay with being called Mrs Hisname. That’s how I would formally address an xmas card or invitation to you. I’m totally behind your right to be called whatever you like, but your name change does not, in my opinion, adequately communicate that you want people to address you by BOTH last names.
Post # 6
If it makes you feel better, people can’t even get my first name right let alone my new hyphenated last name. I was married to my ex for five years and half the cards from his family would spell it wrong every year. Same with my current husband. His aunt still misspells it and I bet most of his friends still don’t know how to write or pronounce it correctly even though they were at our wedding.
Post # 7
@meliss: My aunt misspells my first name every.single.year. It makes me INSANE! It’s not a difficult name!
Post # 8
I know how you feel, and we’re not married yet. Over the past 10 years, very few of FIs relatives have bothered to learn to spell my last name, so either it’s misspelled or we get stuff addressed to His First His Last and My First, like I’m Cher or something.
Post # 9
Some people just forget about your name change preference or just assume that you dont mind going by either your maiden name or your Husbands last name.. I think with time people will remember the right name to use. But I dont think its a big deal if they 4get the first few years
Post # 10
I just sent out a Christmas card to my husbands cousin who got married in October. I had ‘heard’ that she was keeping her last name, but I wasn’t positive. I haven’t received anything from her, so I just issued it to Mr. and Mrs. (His Last Name). I will remember to ask next time because I don’t want to offend anyone.
Post # 11
My mom’s dad spells her name wrong on everything. Uses a K instead of a C. It upset her for the longest time but now she just is happy he remembers to send her a card. Moral of the story would you rather not have a card or a card with your name wrong but sent with good intentions?
Post # 12
I’m sorry people keep doing that. Some people just seem to think the traditional way at first, I would just make sure to have your correct name on any return mail to them and hopefully they will get the point.
Post # 13
Ugh, I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I would bet that since you are going by “MyMaiden HisLast” that it will be even harder to convince some people to use that than it would be if you did not change your name at all. They see his last name at the end and assume that that one is the “real” last name.
I did not change my name when I got married, and plenty people who have been told that I have the same name still have sent Christmas cards to “Mr. and Mrs. Hislastname.” I think that they assume that even though I did not change my name, that I still technically am “Mrs. Hislastname” and that there is no harm in calling me that. It drives me crazy. That is not my name, and I don’t see anyone calling my husband by the wrong last name!
Post # 14
I try to be sensitive to that because I grew up with a lot of people around me who used both last names.
Honestly- sometimes it is so hard to figure out what people go by. I found that out when doing my wedding invitations. The people who I wondered about were my FI’s friend’s spouses. I would go on Facebook but so many people include both last names on there even if they don’t socially go by them.
As a bride who make use both last names I have a feeling I’ll be getting that in the future.
Post # 15
I try to be very sensitive about this. I usually ask just to make sure if I ahven’t heard one way or the other about a recent bride changing her name. Maybe you can send out a pretty card to everyone announcing your new name?
Post # 16
I’m having some trouble, too. I go by “Ms. [maiden name]” but I’ve gotten cards with all sorts of name attempts, from various misspellings of my last name to “Mrs. [his first name] [his last name].” Getting someone’s name right is a big deal to me, so I always go out of my way to do so, but I realize not everyone feels this way. Ah well.
I do think people are especially thrown by the 2 last name, no hyphen thing. But, it’s not THAT hard…
Someday (soon!) this name thing’s going to get easier, and people will realize that what we do with out names is not automatic anymore, and that they have to ask!