Is asking your sister to be in the wedding a must?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

If you aren’t close, don’t ask her just to make someone else happy. 

Is there another role she could play?  

Post # 4
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ericamariejudge:  I would just put her in. She’s family, it’s better to just keep the peace than to exclude her and cause more drama.

Post # 6
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I wouldn’t. I had my older sister as a bridesmaid even though I didn’t want her, and she made the process a living hell. Now, she is getting married and to keep the peace I am a bridesmaid. Super uncomfortable for everyone.

Post # 7
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@ericamariejudge:  Having screwed this up at our wedding, yes it is a must.

Post # 8
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

@ericamariejudge:  I could have written this EXACT post when I get engaged. My sister is a total self-absorbed-ass-hat, who only cares about herself. That being said, yes this is in a way, ‘your, and FI’s day’, but it also your/FI’s family’s day as well. I think the answer depends on how much drama it will cause NOT to have her in the wedding party.

For me not having her, wasn’t worth the shit I would get from my family, especially my mom (who thinks the sun shines out her ass). My sister was okay behaved (aside from getting massively drunk at the engagement party, showing up drunk to my shower, having to leave the bachlorette party because she was too drunk, getting drunk at the only bridal party meeting, causing shit with the other bridesmaids, beyond drunk at the wedding and giving the shittest speech of all time, not helping with anything…..) basically aside from getting drunk she stayed out of the way, or rather my girls kept her out of the way because they knew the situation. At the end of the day, friends come and go, unfortunalty my sister will always be in my life somehow.

After all was said and done, I would have asked her to do it again, but I NEVER woud have asked her to be MOH, and I should have had much lower expectations.

Weigh the pros and cons. Is it going to put strain on your already crappy relationship with her? Or with anyone else in the family? Does she actually care? Is she going to be a willing participant, or fight you on everything?

You don’t need to ask her right away, you can take some time and figure it out.

Post # 9
Member
568 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@ericamariejudge:  What if you dont include her, and twenty years down the road you and her become super close? Then you will feel guilty and regret not including her. Blood is forever. A lot of times, the friends who stood by your side wont be in your life anymore ten or so years from now, but your sister will always be a part of your life. I think you should include her, even if she is the last one in line, she should still be a part of your day.

Post # 10
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

@ericamariejudge:  Exactly.  A reading or some other position.  

If you two truly don’t get along well and you think she’ll make it all about her, then I wouldn’t ask her to be a BM.  If its just that you two are distant but civil and fond of one another, then maybe extend the olive branch and add her, but not if its going to cause drama, resentment, and discord between the two of you. 

Do you think she’ll be hurt if you don’t ask her?  

Post # 11
Member
858 posts
Busy bee

Not at all! it is already a duty being a sister of the bride. I have 4 sisters, so if i ask one i would feel bad for not asking the rest. And i cant afford to have 9 people in the wedding party!

Dont feel bad.

Post # 13
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

No need to have siblings in your wedding party if you are not close. The sibling will be included in formal pics anyway.

Post # 15
Member
2179 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

Tell your parents it’s your wedding and you’ll pick who you’d like.

Also it’s shitty that she doesn’t want to be close and is all of a sudden sending you messages, it’s like when you post your engaged on facebook and all of a sudden people you haven’t spoke to in ages are saying “can’t wait for my invite” etc.

I’d just explain to her that you haven’t picked your bridal party yet and that you two aren’t that close, if she’d like to start a relationship with you and see where that takes you then great but if she balks at the idea that you won’t just hand a MOH/BM title to her I’d say leave her out.

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