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You said it very very well. I also feel different, but haven't really been able to describe it. Having also come from an "unstable" upbringing and becoming a part of his loving family, it just feels very solid and comfortable and secure. I feel protected and honored. He makes me so proud and I love him more today than I ever dreamed possible. Not to mention we've been pretty mushy mushy and lovey-dovey since the wedding - I hope this feeling never goes away.
A loud YES! It is so much better! I know I have commented on this in previous postings but I have to agree with alot of what you are experiencing. There is an overwhelming sense of security and for me that is amazing. I was not always the most secure person with myself or honey but seeing his actions and words since we got married really solidified it for me. I also started to take more responsible actions financially when we got engaged but now that we are joint and planning our future, I am even more frugal and wise and he has taught me alot of those traits and he expresses his appreciation and how proud he is constantly. Also, his support in dealing with my student loans and debt is amazing and truly inspiring to be so unselfish and giving towards others. It is not my loans or debt it is OURS to him and WE will conquer it. You have no idea how that feels. His parents made a comment yesterday about how we have been all smiles since the wedding and they know as well as us, that tough times will come, but they have faith in us and we have faith in ourselves. It is very hard to describe, this is just a tip of it, but it is so much better for us!
Hearing you say it is so sweet. Unfortunately, I can't say that being married has made it feel any different for me. It may be because my husband is 12 hours away in the Army still and won't come home for another month at least. He also says nothing feels different to him. So until then, it's like it's official on paper and in our hearts, but it's still weird to refer to him to his face/on the phone as my husband. I haven't really had to introduce him as "this is my husband" yet. We haven't had to do anything as a married couple and though we appear more as a team I guess, I dunno. We haven't really done anything except for our honeymoon.
I just don't feel any different, but I feel like I SHOULD. But I'm going to try to not take it as a sign that this is bad. Just that maybe marriage was such a normal and natural transition for us (not that it isn't for anyone else, I don't mean that...I feel like we got married in our hearts a very long time ago), that I don't actually "feel" different. I'll have to comment back after he moves back and gets out of the Army, though. Maybe it will feel more official then. I'm really anxious to see how this married life business really is.
I can't wait to see everyone else's answers though! Either to affirm that I indeed am missing something while he finishes out his military committment (for now!) or that I am not some insensitive crazy lady 
I just got teary reading your post!
How am I ever going to keep myself together on my wedding day?? 
Hmmm....very good question. I'm very curious about this as well because by the time we get married, we will have lived with each other for about a year. I'm going to keep an eye on this topic and come back in a couple months to add my 2 cents!
Great post Doctorgirl! So glad your back!
Surprisingly, erindesmar, I was able to keep it together on wedding day. Maybe it was the 130+ pairs of eyes on us, or the overwhelming excitement of the day that helped me hold it together!
Ejs- I don't think you are an insensitive crazy lady! In your situation, it makes perfect sense that you are not feeling a major change. One of my best friends was in residency when she got married, and she said she only felt minimal change for those first 8 months. It really wasn't until they moved in together (and then took a honeymoon) that she felt a marked shift in their relationship. I hope that you have the same experience when your honey comes home... and big hugs for long-distance marriage!
Thanks Tessabella, please do. I have been struggling with thoughts about this for the last 2 weeks, so I'd be excited for you to add your experience when the time comes (not too long now!)
Oh and as a postscript - I was in my head thinking nothing will feel changed to us. We have been together 8 years and living together for 2. But, I kind of hope things do change a little and will keep you posted!
On the day to day life as seen from the outside, Life hasn't changed for us much. But the view from inside is entirely different. Sometimes its just a feeling, and sometimes its a decision that might have been different before we were married. For us, its the small things. We still get a kick out of calling each other husband and wife.
Ah, docotrgirl, I think you hit the nail on the head! The increased feelings of security and commitment, plus the support from loved ones is overwhelming. Almost three months after our wedding, and I still feel like a new woman!
Being married has really instilled this new sense of closeness for us, as well. It's something beyond feeling totally secure in our relationship, something more like unity, I guess. Our ceremony was just such an emotional experience for us, and to be able to share those emotions with each other was incredible. I felt like it was one of those moments when I didn't even have to explain how I felt; I just looked at my husband and knew he felt the exact same way. At the same time, everyone around us was filled with similar feelings of love, joy, etc... but nobody knew exactly what was going through my head and my heart, except my husband.
Ok, reading back, that sounds kinda cheesy, but I honestly feel that way. It's hard to explain... I think I fall short of doctorgirl's eloquence by a little. :)
That doesn't sound cheesy, Mrs. Spring. It sounds amazing! I actually really like that sentiment... only the 2 of you share this experience in the whole world!
DG - Im not married yet (40 days from today!! WOOHOO!) but your post is inspiring. I love it. I am looking very forward to being marreid although we already live together, have a dog, share some finances, etc. I feel like it will be different, and I cannot wait for that :)
Honey!
I'll be married in 20 days so I guess I'll know then if it feels any different :)
I definitely feel like we've become more responsible to each other... like if I'm/he's away on a trip, we call/text each other several times a day. I feel like we used to not really check in with each other if we'd go away before we were married. I feel this intense desire to just be home with him all the time, and based on the amount he calls me when he's away, I feel like he feels the same! I am surprised that our relationship feels much more intense now than before, despite being together 7 years before we got married. Now I feel like we're magnets, and the farther away we are from each other, the stronger the attraction! :) It is a wonderful feeling to feel so securely loved. Being married is the best, and I say it out loud every day!
You know, I really started thinking about this after I read your post. People have been asking me if I felt differently post-wedding and I've been saying that I don't. Day-to-day life hasn't changed much for us, since we've lived together for several years.
However, I've been reflecting on your post and I definitely agree with your first point. My parents divorced when I was really young and I really have been looking for stability/security in my own relationships. It's so important to me that my marriage has that feeling and I really do feel so supported and secure with myself and our relationship. Making that committment in front of our friends and family really solidified what I know we've been feeling for a while.
Wow, I'm getting a little choked up thinking about this. Thanks for the perspective check, DG. I think I'm going to give my *husband* (I still like saying this) a big hug and kiss when I see him tonight! Also, FWIW, I was totally afraid I would cry like a baby at the wedding. However, I didn't cry at all. I was just happy and couldn't wipe the smile off of my face!!
We've only been married for a week, and I haven't even made it back to work yet (starting back tomorrow). BUT it does feel a little different already. It seems calmer. I think a lot of that is the stability that doctorgirl mentioned. I'm sure some of the calm is coming down from wedding craziness, but it seems calmer than it did before we were engaged. We too had been together for more than 7 years, living together for 2, but it just seems calm. I hope it stays this way once real life returns!
Interesting post! I think mdarrah described it perfectly from my perspective. The day to day is pretty much the same, but the commitment that we've made has made everything different (in a good way). I have been greatly affected by the ups and downs of my parents' marriage, too. So I understand where you are coming from, doctorgirl.
Penguin, we've only been together for 1.5 years, but except for that, I could have written your post. Since the minute we got together we've gotten closer and closer and want to be apart less and less. It weirds me out a little because I've never been like this with anyone before. ;)
I LOVE being married. It's awesome.
I'm right there with Mrs. Glitter. Day to day, our lives are pretty much the same (we lived together before and during the engagement). But emotionally, I think something is different. We feel much more a "team" then we did, even though we were living together and sharing finances and our lives, but it just feels different. I can't explain it! But I totally get what you are saying!
We lived together for about a year before we got married, but I feel a difference. As said by others, it's just kind of hard to explain. I feel kind of like he is REALLY my other half now. I also feel HAPPY, which I've felt before, but now it's just an overall contentment. as someone else said, it feels calm. I wouldn't have picked that word on my own, but it fits. things just feel calm and right. It didn't hit me right away either and when people asked, I was saying that it just seemed the same. Took some time to settle in. Mr. Joe says he doesn't notice a difference though lol
Hmmm, how come you other two ladies out there who clicked "no" aren't owning up to it with me? 
I voted "no" because I don't feel very different. My feeling about my partner has grown the longer we've been together. Although I see that the public declaration in front of friends and family is important (that's why we did it all, of course) and also the change in marital status is important at work, socially, etc; no --- I don't feel different.
I think I've posted on a similar question that I feel differently about our extended families. I think that all the good things have stayed the same between the two of us, but since we've been married there's the added pressure of questions like, "did you change your name?" or the very real effects that his parent's crazy decisions can have on us if he needs to give them money.
We were talking today about his sister's relationship, my SIL, and how he'll be on her side no matter how silly, selfish, or irrational her actions are. I think that at some point we'll get to that kind of unconditional love between each other, but we're not there yet. No, that doesn't mean that we shouldn't have gotten married, and for all the things that are likely to come up we're on each others' sides, but not in that family way. We do have that kind of love where you know you love each other even when you fight, and we don't have the option of ending things -- we agreed that we'd take that off the table before we were engaged -- but I do think that at some point there is a possibility that something could come up that would break things between us. I think this is the reality of divorce, not some fear or secret that I have. I think this is most likely to come up in situations we can't predict, maybe how to care for our children or parents.
That said, I think this awareness and desire for continued growth in our relationship is a good thing. I don't think that marriage changed our desire for that unconditional love, or made it "all okay" -- rather, our marriage is a milestone that we want to celebrate our progress and our commitment.
I voted yes as im married and this is somthing i never imagined that i would be and there it is..... someone said they loved me enough for it to be forever and i believe in my heart that it will be forever and forever is a pretty dammed long time!
we are a team, we are eachothers family now - its us taking on the world and all that it throws at us and i know we're there for eachother with no option to walkout
for me, its not "just a piece of paper"
I voted yes -- Doctorgirl you put it so well -- you articulated what I haven't been able to! There is a feeling of security, of being united with this person for better or worse. The support of family feels that much more real. Being married truly is the best, and I say a prayer of thanks every day! Thank you for your post!!!
This thread always makes me tear up -- I really hope I have these feelings after I'm married as well!
I love reading everyone's posts they are sweet!
ejs4y8 - Have you gone to see your husband on post since you got married or is he too far away? I bet not having to go through the trouble of getting a visitor's pass will be a good change from before you got married. They give us "not quite wifes" so much trouble sometimes haha.
Thank you for your thoughts. I got teary-eyed imagining my FI and I sharing our love out loud in front of everyone we love. I never realized how big of a step it all really is. Your post has encouraged me and I definitely have something great to look forward to!
I feel the same way as Penguin and Bunny.
We keept getting closer, wanting to spend more time together, check in more often and talk more.
We didn't live together before marriage and we were very far apart so I knew marriage was going to feel and be very different from our engagement in many ways. But the biggest things are the emotional, social and spiritual connections that come with marriage and commitment. They keep getting deeper.
Marriage is tons more fun than i thought it would be too. We can do whatever we want, together. We make little surprised for eachother, cook dinner, watch tv shows, work out together. We live intertwined lives, and I love it.
@HoneyBunny,
No, i haven't seen him since our honeymoon. I won't see him again until end of August, either. His base is 12 hours away but he has an apartment with a fellow officer.
Actually, he's getting OUT of the army at the end of August and I used up all my vacation already. Plane tickets are so much we just decided to stick it out considering the timing is just bad this time of year and they don't get a 4-day weekend this month, how crap is that? Every month but August, grrr. Plus, i'm in two weddings and literally have no free weekends between bachelorette parties and showers and I'm not goign to blow off my bridesmaid duties =P
Not for lack of want though! =]
I voted "no", because we have been together for 7.5 years, and living together almost 4 by the time we got married. However, it does feel slightly different in that while before we were obviously seriously committed to each other, now it has been cemented in front of all of our loved ones. Also, the sense of security feels stronger - you put it very well DG!
And, I seriously thought I would be a crying mess on our wedding day, but did a great job of keeping it together! My dad thinks it is because I almost fell down the stairs we walked down before getting to the aisle!
I can't wait to be married and see how it feels! My FI and I have been living together for the past 2 years and I just can't imagine anything changing. It always seems like people tell me that things will change for the worse and they are negative about it, but I'm glad to hear that things can change for the better!!
I can't imagine that our relationship would change for the worse because we are so in love now and I can't imagine that changing just because we are officially married!
No....and this is why. To me, saying "yes" when the question was asked, was when I felt a life changing event take place. The wedding day itself was just a celebration of the committment that we made to each other, and the feelings for each other and about marriage are no different for me today then the time after saying "yes".
The biggest change for me, I guess, is not very romantic. But somehow it hit me really hard that now *he's* my 'next-of-kin'. I will change him to be the beneficiary of anything I have (admittedly not much right now). And he's the one who will legally make decisions for me if I'm incapable. Maybe that's morbid. Or maybe I'm more traditional than I thought. But until the day we got married, part of me still felt like it was my parents who were my family...and if anything ever happened to me, they would be the ones I would turn to. Now it's my husband.
And I admit I'm still getting used to seeing the wedding band on his finger (mine's around my neck right now, that's what we get for ordering it on a really hot day where we'd been walking around for a while so that my finger's were swollen). I get excited every time I do see it.
And I agree with the PP's who mention the feeling of security...until the day we got married, there was still this lingering feeling of, "What if it doesn't happen?" And now that it has, it's much more relaxing! I can't really explain it, but I feel so much more at ease about our lives. I've asked him about it, and for him that happened when I told him I was ready to be married...but for me it was when we were announced as a married couple and he walked me back down the aisle my father had brought me up.
I have to say it definitely feels different. This is coming from someone who was married twice before (when younger) and someone who lived with her ex-sig other of 20 years! Yes this is different!
Like previously shared, there is this truly peaceful sense of belonging that I have never experienced before with any other relationship. Yeah it's just 17 days after the wedding but I'm groovin'.
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Before I get to recapping the DG wedding, I wanted to start with some thoughts on the marriage.
I've heard many people say that being married is not too much different than being engaged, especially for couples that have been living together. I saw Mrs. Glitter recently discuss the issue in one of her blog posts.
I have to say, that for me, I was totally blindsided by how completely different it feels to be married as compared to being engaged. I was especially shocked because we've been living together for our entire engagement, so in all practical senses nothing is really changing.
But for some weird reason, I feel like things are *completely* different and I'm absolutely loving it!
During our honeymoon I tried to reflect on what makes being married so different for me/spouse. Most people say that it is really hard to explain, but it "is just different", so here I am attempting to put it into words.
First, I feel an overwhelming sense of security. I think part of this feeling stems from the fact that I had a somewhat variable upbringing. My parents are still together and love us kids the best they can, but consistency in that love is not what I would consider their strong suit. Leaving them half-way down the aisle to walk the rest of the way myself was the most electrifying and amazing feeling! I felt freer yet more supported than I ever had before. Weird, huh? The love that I have with Mr. DG feels constant, and now permanent. And I have to say that it's the BEST feeling in the world.
Secondly, we expressed our love in front of a whole bunch of people. I am not a mushy person. I wouldn't tell Mr. DG that I loved him for the first 9 months of our relationship. I believed that the "L" word (love) was only reserved for good gear. At our wedding, I let all my large self-protective walls tumble down. I got misty eyed. He got misty eyed. We kissed. In front of people. A Lot! We laid ourself bare in front of all of our friends and family. Letting our feelings show in that way was extremely liberating. Having people understand and support that feeling gives us more freedom of expression and allows the emotions to be more present in our daily lives together. It has made a huge difference!
Thirdly, I have a new family and they are fabulous! See number 1 above to get a glimmer of my upbringing. His family epitomizes the opposite of that. They are consistent and supportive and amazing. Just knowing that such strong support is there for us makes me feel completely different.
We are having so much fun and feel a humming, electrical sense of joy since we were married and it is a beautiful thing!
So how has being married been different for you? Have you not felt much of a change? Please share your thoughts, because it has been really been difficult to figure out how to express the experience! I wonder if the drastic change for me has a lot to do with my previous history with my family, although Mr. DG has said that he's felt a pretty big shift too.