(Closed) Is being married different from being engaged?

posted 9 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Does being married feel very different than being engaged?
    Yes! I'll explain why below. : (27 votes)
    44 %
    No. I'll explain why below. : (10 votes)
    16 %
    Honey! I'm not married yet and I wanted to vote for something... : (25 votes)
    40 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    618 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    You said it very very well.  I also feel different, but haven’t really been able to describe it.  Having also come from an “unstable” upbringing and becoming a part of his loving family, it just feels very solid and comfortable and secure.  I feel protected and honored.  He makes me so proud and I love him more today than I ever dreamed possible.  Not to mention we’ve been pretty mushy mushy and lovey-dovey since the wedding – I hope this feeling never goes away. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    1944 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    A loud YES! It is so much better! I know I have commented on this in previous postings but I have to agree with alot of what you are experiencing. There is an overwhelming sense of security and for me that is amazing. I was not always the most secure person with myself or honey but seeing his actions and words since we got married really solidified it for me. I also started to take more responsible actions financially when we got engaged but now that we are joint and planning our future, I am even more frugal and wise and he has taught me alot of those traits and he expresses his appreciation and how proud he is constantly. Also, his support in dealing with my student loans and debt is amazing and truly inspiring to be so unselfish and giving towards others. It is not my loans or debt it is OURS to him and WE will conquer it. You have no idea how that feels. His parents made a comment yesterday about how we have been all smiles since the wedding and they know as well as us, that tough times will come, but they have faith in us and we have faith in ourselves. It is very hard to describe, this is just a tip of it, but it is so much better for us!

    Post # 5
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Hearing you say it is so sweet. Unfortunately, I can’t say that being married has made it feel any different for me. It may be because my husband is 12 hours away in the Army still and won’t come home for another month at least. He also says nothing feels different to him. So until then, it’s like it’s official on paper and in our hearts, but it’s still weird to refer to him to his face/on the phone as my husband. I haven’t really had to introduce him as “this is my husband” yet. We haven’t had to do anything as a married couple and though we appear more as a team I guess, I dunno. We haven’t really done anything except for our honeymoon.

    I just don’t feel any different, but I feel like I SHOULD. But I’m going to try to not take it as a sign that this is bad. Just that maybe marriage was such a normal and natural transition for us (not that it isn’t for anyone else, I don’t mean that…I feel like we got married in our hearts a very long time ago), that I don’t actually “feel” different. I’ll have to comment back after he moves back and gets out of the Army, though. Maybe it will feel more official then. I’m really anxious to see how this married life business really is.

    I can’t wait to see everyone else’s answers though! Either to affirm that I indeed am missing something while he finishes out his military committment (for now!) or that I am not some insensitive crazy lady Laughing

    Post # 6
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I just got teary reading your post!

    How am I ever going to keep myself together on my wedding day??  Tongue out

    Post # 7
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    Hmmm….very good question. I’m very curious about this as well because by the time we get married, we will have lived with each other for about a year. I’m going to keep an eye on this topic and come back in a couple months to add my 2 cents!

    Great post Doctorgirl! So glad your back!

    Post # 9
    Member
    2022 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Oh and as a postscript – I was in my head thinking nothing will feel changed to us.  We have been together 8 years and living together for 2.  But, I kind of hope things do change a little and will keep you posted!

    Post # 10
    Member
    14186 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2009

    I just want this big epiphany moment, too! Laughing Thanks for the encouragement.

    Post # 11
    Member
    883 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2009

    On the day to day life as seen from the outside, Life hasn’t changed for us much. But the view from inside is entirely different. Sometimes its just a feeling, and sometimes its a decision that might have been different before we were married. For us, its the small things. We still get a kick out of calling each other husband and wife.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6010 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Ah, docotrgirl, I think you hit the nail on the head!  The increased feelings of security and commitment, plus the support from loved ones is overwhelming.  Almost three months after our wedding, and I still feel like a new woman! 

    Being married has really instilled this new sense of closeness for us, as well.  It’s something beyond feeling totally secure in our relationship, something more like unity, I guess.  Our ceremony was just such an emotional experience for us, and to be able to share those emotions with each other was incredible.  I felt like it was one of those moments when I didn’t even have to explain how I felt; I just looked at my husband and knew he felt the exact same way.  At the same time, everyone around us was filled with similar feelings of love, joy, etc…  but nobody knew exactly what was going through my head and my heart, except my husband. 

    Ok, reading back, that sounds kinda cheesy, but I honestly feel that way.  It’s hard to explain…  I think I fall short of doctorgirl’s eloquence by a little.  🙂

    Post # 14
    Member
    2208 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    DG – Im not married yet (40 days from today!!  WOOHOO!) but your post is inspiring.  I love it.  I am looking very forward to being marreid although we already live together, have a dog, share some finances, etc.  I feel like it will be different, and I cannot wait for that 🙂

    Post # 15
    Member
    6010 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2009

    Ahhhh, thanks DG.  It is kinda hard to express, isn’t it? Smile

    Post # 16
    Member
    908 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2009

    Honey!

    I’ll be married in 20 days so I guess I’ll know then if it feels any different 🙂

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