Post # 1
I was reading a blog the other day that said chivalry is dying for several different reasons, and I have to agree. Obviously cultural norms change over time but honestly I can’t tell you how many times my own friends have passed on a great guy because he was “too nice…” or in other words, too much of a gentleman. Umm…how is this a bad thing!? Lol I just wanted other people’s opinions on this because I think there are plenty of a-hole guys out there who used to be gentlemen, but have been overlooked one too many times by girls who mistook their actions for being “soft.” It’s a shame!
I definitely classify FI as a gentleman. He always opens every door for me (and not just me, but his mother or any other woman who may be in the vicinity). If I start reaching for the door he will move my hand out of the way so he can do it for me! Also, if we ride in the car with one of his friends or family members, he always has me sit in the front seat. Or when we have ridden with his mom in her car, he’ll sit in the back while she drives and I sit beside her. I asked him about this and he said “Because you’re my queen and my queen should ride shotgun.” I thought that was so cute! There are a bunch of other chivalrous things he does, but he’s the first guy I’ve been with who’s been such a gentleman. None of these things were standards for me before, but now that I’ve experienced them I’m more aware of guys who don’t do things like this for their SO and I’m like dang. The other thing is FI has friends who clearly look up to him a lot and I notice them picking up on a lot of his habits in how they treat their ladies now too. It’s pretty cute! None of these things make me look at him as “soft,” because he’s assertive, strong, and definitely a man’s man.
What do you think? Is chivalry dead/dying? What about your SO?
Post # 3
I voted that I see it sometimes and my FH is a gentlemen. I think that chivalry is a little more common in the south because most southern men were brought up to open doors for any lady and to treat their SO’s like queens. Of course, not everyone is like that here, but FH always opens doors for me or any other lady. He pulls my chair out for me when we go out to eat and lots of other little things that I consider to be gentlemenly.
I do agree though that it is on the decline.
Post # 4
He opens doors, tucks my skirt into the car before closing the door, buys me flowers, stands up for me, respects me, never makes me drive (because I hate it), brings me coffee while I get dressed, gives me his coat when it’s cold, stands on the street side when we walk down the sidewalk….. Yeah. My man’s a total gentleman.
Post # 5
He is a true gentleman, and a feminist.
I wouldn’t really call it “chivalry.” I’d say he has excellent manners and knows how to treat a lady (hint: with respect!)… but he doesn’t act like I’m incapable in any way.
Post # 6
@Galang_Gyal: My FI respects, cares and sticks up for me. He does sweet things and buys occasional gifts, and I do the same for him. It is mutual respect and love.
He doesn’t open doors for me or pull out the chair, but I really don’t want him to. I am perfectly capable of doing it myself and while it would be a nice gesture, I would probably get annoyed if he always insisted. That would make me feel helpless.
I believe in equal footing in a relationship and that no one person goes beyond reasonable efforts to “please” their partner. I am not against chivalry, but I don’t think it’s fair to expect that men display these “chivalrous actions” or to look down on guys who don’t do it.
Post # 7
My FI grew up in an idyllic, quaint conservative little town in Iowa. He is a gentleman through and through. I grew up in a more urban, liberal environment in the Baltimore/DC area and I definitely see extreme differences in FI’s attitude as opposed to those of the people that I grew up around. I don’t think this is always the case, but I do think that there are definite regional differences that affect and influence someone’s manners. I went to college in Texas and there was definitely an obvious difference in hospitality, chivalry, manners, etc.
Post # 8
I agree with PP about being in the south and still seeing it. Of the men I’ve dated I would say that FI is the most gentlemanly. My long time ex was quite the opposite and when I started to date people afterward I found it really awkward when they tried to pay for dinner. I must say, I prefer a gentleman. I love the FI opens doors for me, offers to carry my bags, etc.
This made me think of an article I read recently. They believe there’s a link between chivalry and sexism. I woudln’t say I agree, but it is an interesting topic.
Post # 9
My SO has had strangers stop him on the street to compliment him on how chivalrous he is to me! For us it’s a give and take though, if I get to the door first I open it for him and vice versa.
ETA: We both hail from the Pacific Northwest so I don’t think it’s a South thing, just a way that some people are raised.
Post # 10
@SouthernGirl: It does seem to be more widespread in the south, though FI is definitely a northern transplant.
@MexiPino: Awww at the tucking your skirt in! How cute
@joya_aspera: Yes I agree, FI doesn’t act like I’m incapable either. He just does these things out of his own desire which is sweet.
@bmo88: Interesting. As for me, I never expected it. It’s just one of those things that after you’ve experienced it, you suddenly notice how many people actually don’t do these things. I definitely don’t look down on those who don’t, but after being spoiled a little bit it’s like wow this doesn’t seem to be the norm.
Post # 11
@adoc86: I totally agree with you on the regional aspect sometimes being a factor.
@ImaStarr: I prefer a gentleman also. I stumbled upon that article recently and thought it was interesting.
@batwoman: FI has also had strangers compliment him. Once a police officer saw him opening and closing the door for me and he said “You don’t see that everyday. You’re a fine young man.”
Post # 12
@Galang_Gyal: The only issue I do have with it here is that some men seem to think that chivalry is important because women are delicate and incapable. I know some women around here don’t like it for that reason. Sure, I open my door myself sometimes but FH also knows that I can take care of myself, he just does it because it’s a courteous gesture and he wants to.
Post # 13
@MexiPino: My FI is exactly the same way, except that I hate coffee so he brings me tea. 🙂
Post # 14
Chivalry is dead in NY. But not where I moved in SC! And my FI is quite the Southern Gentleman – he opens doors for me, including my car door, holds out my seat for me, holds my bags for me (even when we’re at the mall shopping!), gives me his sweater when I’m cold, he always thinks of me first, etc.. I love it! I love it not because I can’t do all these things myself but because it’s nice that he wants to do them all for me. Sometimes I’ll open the door for him though 🙂
Post # 15
It seems that for the majority of men, it WAS dying but it is now starting to come back. SO however was in a youth organiation that promoted chivalry and had great mentors growing up so he knows how to be the perfect gentleman! He was also a Boy Scout. 🙂
Post # 16
My man is the perfect gentleman. He opens doors, buys me flowers for no reason, holds my purse. If I’m cold he will give me his jacket. He always gives me the last bite of food. He always asks me what I want to do, where I want to go. He always makes sure I’m awake and brings me coffee or breakfast. When I’m sick he makes me comfortable and takes care of me.
I’m his princess. 🙂