Post # 1
SO and I just moved in together last week, and I feel like even though we’ve been together almost 8 years (we’re both 27), there have already been some “new things” that I’m discovering about him. The whole thing makes me feel like maybe a tiny little wait wouldn’t be so bad. I’m curious whether moving in together changed any bee’s perception on the wait. Thoughts?
Post # 3
Nope, not at all. For us cohabitation was a must before we made the next step. I dont’ think it delayed anything at all, he proposed well before I thought he would!
Post # 4
I don’t think it has to be, but I think it can be. For me and my bf, we both wanted to live together beforehand. I don’t think not moving in together would have made him propose any quicker, I think it may have delayed things even. For some guys though, I think moving in before a proposal might make them too comfortable and complacent since they are already living a married-like life.
Post # 5
I was shocked how hard it was when I first moved in with my Fiance. At the time we had only been dating a year, but both knew we wanted to get married. The first few months were REALLY difficult! We had to adjust to living together, which I thought was weird since we spent EVERY day together anyway. But suddenly, it feels like you have no privacy or personal space. It got to the point where we almost broke up. But, after a few months we both adjusted and now we are super happy living together. In fact, I can’t imagine even living alone anymore.
Post # 6
Honestly I think I love him more. He is the main person I lean on now. We struggle together and I know when I wake up he is going to be beside me no matter what.
Post # 7
Actually, moving in together probably helped more than it hurt! After being completely on my own for 4 years, living with someone again was actually a little scary (I’d had either roommates or a husband in the past, never a live-in boyfriend)–I wasn’t sure it would work at all, or that I wouldn’t be able to adjust to having someone around 24/7, not being 100% in charge.
What helped was each of us having our own space within the house (spare bedrooms as offices rock!) and from there we just figured it out. Turns out he really doesn’t mind doing the dishes every night (even on the weeks he cooks; swoon!), we trade off some duties and divide up others, deciding as they come up. The teamwork that developed was part of what convinced me that marriage might not be such a bad idea after all 🙂
Post # 8
Some guys get comfy with the “live in girl friend” . so be weary if its a ring your looking for 😉
I’m old fashion, and I believe you marry someone not for if they have a clean room or leave the toilet seat up but because you KNOW them, trust them, respect them and love them. and all the feelings are mutual and reciprocated. You don’t need to live together to find those things out.
Post # 9
This is all great feedback. Thanks guys! So, my next question is….how do I keep the impending engagement at the forefront. I don’t want him to think that moving in together is a substitute for getting engaged. In fact, around March this year, we agreed to get married next summer. Tick tock! At that time, we said we wouldn’t move in unless we were engaged. However, his job took him to another city a little over an hour away…so we decided to move together so that each of us has about a 30 min commute to work and can still be together. I’m fine with all of this, but I don’t want him to think that living together is “good enough.”
Post # 10
@endofmyrope: “how do I keep the impending engagement at the forefront. I don’t want him to think that moving in together is a substitute for getting engaged.”
Simple. Just TALK to him and let him know this exact same sentence. You’d be surprised how much straight-forward talk in these matters is the best idea!
Post # 11
I definitely think that moving in together helped us in the process. We did a lot of growth together that made it so that I think he was ready to propose before he would’ve been if we didn’t spend so much time together. It also helped us learn how to love each other in a different way. I hope it does the same for you!
Post # 12
A tiny wait is fine. I was all set to get engaged and moving in together was just so exciting and fun that I didn’t mind to wait a little longer. I started getting antsy again about 8 months later. Moving in together brought us sooooo much closer and I love him even more now. Definitely not a game-changer though..
Post # 13
I think it’s extremely important to live together before you get married. There are a lot of things you don’t know about a person until you have to share responsibilities. My husband and I had a few growing pains (I think mostly because we had been long distance for the 2 years before we moved in together)… but after we got through that first month or so everything was great. I would absolutely say it pushed the engagement up rather than pushing it back.
I have a friend who was divorced after a year of marriage. Her parents are super catholic and refused to let her live with her husband before they got married. She said if she had lived with him for even a couple months she would have known not to marry him. He took no responsibility as far as caring for the home, or paying the bills or any of those things that have to be done but aren’t very fun. He wanted a mother not a wife. And those things are hard to know when you aren’t actually sharing responsibilities.
Post # 14
Just my two cents (I second a lot of what has already been said) – I think cohabitating CAN delay an engagement (it definitely did for me), but I think that 99% of guys will only cohabitate with someone they plan on marrying. I also strongly believe in living together before you get married – you just learn so much. The first year of marriage is stressful… knowing that you can already live together can really alleviate tension.
Post # 15
From my own personal experience, moving in together was both good and bad.
Good, because it solidified my faith in our relationship and I knew that he was the one. Getting through the initial phase of learning to live together, dealing with both our quirks and habits and coming out the other side still loving each other was a blessing.
Bad… because it put me in limbo. I was more than a girlfriend yet less than a wife. He did become complacent with the STATUS of our relationship. I was stuck in this mode of what was appropriate for a married couple vs. boyfriend girlfriend. (i.e. family gatherings, money,etc) I don’t know if I’m explaining it right. Limbo was how I described it to him.
You need to have honest discussions about what you expect. Even if you had the discussion before. No ultimatums, but let him know if you are unhappy with the situation if you ever feel that way. It’s your relationship too!
Post # 16
Everything went seamlessly when we moved in together, there were no problems that sometimes arise. So no, it didn’t chance the his proposal timeframe (three months).