Post # 1
Or is it better just to continue being passive aggressive?
I have been planning our engagement party because I really want it to be in December and a winter wonderland theme. I asked my sister’s husband’s aunt(which I do have a relationship with) if we could do it at her house because she has this beautiful estate that is always decorated really nice for Christmas and there is a chance of snow where she lives.
I found out that my FMIL said it was “random” and thought it was strange. So I actually wrote an e-mail explaining the situation to her and why I want it there. Ialso told her that anyone who wants to throw an engagement party can.
We are both very passive aggressive people. How many of you are open and honest with what hurts your feelings etc. with your in-laws?
Post # 3
I say my piece and then let it go.
After I’ve said my piece, they’ve heard what I think, I’ve heard what they think, we might have differing opinions but that’s life. If there’s some way to compromise then I might try but for your situation I’d just do what you did and say this is why I chose it and then drop it.
But I never say ‘you hurt my feelings’, even one time when his mom told me I was stubborn during wedding planning I just said, ‘you think?, I prefer to think of myself as confident and decisive’ instead of going ‘blah blah blah that’s so rude of you to say, how could you insult me, blah blah blah’. At least for our relationship that’s what’s seemed to work best.
Post # 4
Being passive agressive will never get either of you anywhere and will ultimately do nothing but hurt your relationship with one another. Let her know how you feel and explain that her comments hurt your feelings.
Post # 5
My SO and I aren’t married yet, but his mother can be totally crazy. I decided about 6 months ago, that being honest starting now is, and will be, the best policy for the health of our relaitionship moving forward.
She can ask for you to do things that are completely unreasonable and she doesn’t have any daughters so her sons have always just been ‘yes’ men telling her what she wants to hear. Well, she better get used to the open and honest truth because I will NOT be jerked around, or made to feel bad, or let her leave the house looking rediculous, or allow her to convince me to go out of my way for stupid stuff.