Post # 1
I see a lot of advice from one bee to another recommending counselling/ couples counselling and I’m just wondering how predominant it is?
Is it a taboo suject? Something to be ashamed of? Admitting your own or relationship inadequacies?
Discuss and if your brave enough please comment on your own experiences…
Just to clarify I am not talking about obligatory pre-marital conselling.
Post # 3
I dont think its taboo at all. Counselling does help. Were having pre marriage counselling at the moment and its great!! 😀 Its good to talk and work things out and its not nothing bad. its more like realising what areas that is a growth point and how to achieve a better relationship. We have learnt alot!
Post # 4
I’ve attended counseling on my own before the boy was in the picture to deal with my own issues (anxiety).
We have’t attended together, however once marriage becomes a more serious discussion I will absolutely make sure we attend couples counseling. Considering he is a psychology major I don’t see him arguing that .
I think couples counseling is important for everybody to attend at some point in their relationship, preferably before marriage. You don’t have to have “issues” in order to attend but I have never heard of counseling damaging a relationship, only giving the couple a stronger bond/better communication/etc.
Post # 5
I am the same as babyboo – I have gone to counselling for my own issues before dating FI. I talked to the FI about whether he would ever consider counselling if we needed it and he said “if we needed it.” I dont know how serious that means to him but I am very open to it and think it is important.
Post # 6
Definitely nothing to be ashamed of. Counseling is just that — receiving counsel from a reliable source to help handle the various issues that life throws at you. It doesn’t in any way necessitate that you have any sort of mental illness, and even if you do, you’re definitely not alone. Mental health is something that almost all of us will struggle with at some point in our lives, and about one in four adults have a diagnosable mental disorder.
Unfortunately, many people do tend to place a stigma on the topic, causing it to seem taboo. But in reality, it shouldn’t be. Especially when it comes to relationships — we all seek out advice or help in one way or another, when certain conflicts or problems present themselves. Many people resort to the hive for relationship advice! While there’s nothing wrong with asking for input from your peers, I think it’s best that the advice you seek for more prominent issues come from a professional who can help you resolve them in a healthy way.
Post # 7
I think counseling sounds like a wonderful thing. There is no shame in helping yourself, I think it is a very healthy thing.
Post # 8
I have been on my own to deal with “issues”. (previous broken engagement, anxiety, life changes) My FI knows that I still go occasionally (for anxiety) and supports it. He has also gone in the past to deal with things. I see no problem with it and we both know we’ll go together in the future, if needed. I think a lot more people go than you think. A lot of people just don’t talk about it.
Post # 9
I went for a brief period on my own, and FI and I went for awhile. I found it very helpful. I don’t think it is very taboo- we got the name of our counselor from friends, and have since recommended him to other friends. Many couples I know have gone to counseling-and they are all happy, normal, professional people.
Post # 10
I did counseling for a long time when I was younger; mostly working through some traumatic stuff I experienced and general insecurities that were affecting my quality of life. I would (and often do) HIGHLY recommend it to anyone and everyone. For you as an individual, for you two as a couple… it’s amazing how much an outside, trained perspective can help.
Post # 11
I am currently in counseling to deal with my own stuff (mother is very controlling, manipulative, and is borderline and I’m working on setting limits). Before we get married we’re attending a couples workshop and I know my FI wants to come with me to counseling a few times to figure out his role in all the stuff that goes on with my mother. I think it’s a very healthy thing to do and nothing to be ashamed of.
Post # 12
We’ve each been in counseling on our own to deal with our own issues. I would have no problem going as a couple, but right now it’s a matter of finding the time for it!
Post # 13
My first thought apon seeing this thread was “well, it shouldn’t be!” My church requires pre-marital counseling and even if they didn’t, my FH and I decided it would be a priority for us. Couseling provides a safe, structured space to bring up and discuss issues BEFORE marriage (and during!). And I’m not talking deal breakers, but even the every day issues that can drive a wedge between couples, like money. Why wouldn’t anyone want that? I know it is a popularly held misconception that a truly “happy, meant for each other couple” doesn’t have any problems but we all do! Unless we learn to work through them, we can never grow together, which is what marriage is about.
Post # 14
My husband was married previously, and before we got engaged he went to a counsellor for about a year to help him work through various issues from that disaster. It was completely his own idea and he found it very helpful. Of course, he and I had pre-marital counselling through our church as well.
I think counselling, approached in the right spirit, can be extremely useful. I think it is less than useless if a person is there under any sort of duress. I have seen it where a couple goes, but only one of them genuinely wants to work on things … the other thinks they have no problems and feels no need to change anything.
Post # 15
I go myself, and then we both go to couples therapy. I come from divorced parents which makes me nervous about things. So we go to couples therapy to improve upon our communication. It’s easier to work out kinks now when we are happy with each other, rather than (God forbid) later down the line when we aren’t happy with each other and struggle to work it out. I go b/c I’ve got my own issues to work out. My therapist put it in a good way: those who are strong seek help b/c they are the ones will to admit there is something wrong and are willing to change. Both my FI and I are really happy with each other and want to make sure we can openly communicate with each other to better our relationship. We aren’t going because we are frustrated with each other and are at the end of our ropes. We look at it as a good thing.
Post # 16
Personally I like the idea of counseling, though I have never gone.
My spouse thinks that all counselors, shrinks, psychologists are quacks (which is really really weird considering that he was going to go to school to be one).