Is DH's coworker being inappropriate?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
868 posts
Busy bee

@MrsTillerResq:  you did all the right things and it sounds like he is interested in trying some funny stuff here. Stay away and don’t hang out with him in the future. he’s crossing lines ( or trying too) and good for you for telling your FI. 

Post # 4
Member
3012 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsTillerResq:  this is not ok. Don’t feel bad about him driving- he is an adult and can limit his drinking or find somewhere else to sleep. I wouldn’t be comfortable with his behavior and I think you’re right to decline. 

Post # 5
Member
1007 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MrsTillerResq:  Agree with Peachy here. You did the right thing, however you may want to make it known that his behavior is out of line, especially in light of his recent admission. Just be firm with a “I don’t think that’s a good idea, so no.” Leave it at that. If he wants to call names, oh well, its his problem, not yours. Hopefully he’ll get the hint.

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That’s too much awkwardness for my liking. Especially since he admitted to being attracted to you. I’d tell him that you and DH are not comfortable letting him stay over especially since DH isn’t around. 

I’m married to a cop, so I get the second family thing. I’ve had dinner with some of my husband’s coworkers/friends alone and it isn’t unheard of for the spouses to spend time together without our respective spouses. But, we’re all married.  I wouldn’t be comfortable going to dinner or drinks with my husbands’s single coworkersfriends. Plus, my husband and his buddies are the biggest bunch of gossipy hens I’ve ever seen, especially since most of them are men. Wouldn’t want people to get the wrong idea and have rumors get started. 

Post # 8
Member
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@MrsTillerResq:  I would not ever be alone with this guy. Whether or not he drives drunk is not your fault. And after the comments he’s made and he’s been drinking, no way would I let him sleep on my couch. A girl has to be careful.

Post # 9
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Woah, not good!

Sorry, but this guy is not a friend to you or your husband. You don’t make sexual comments about another guy’s wife, then try to take her out alone, and then ask to sleep on her couch while her husband’s away. Beyond inappropriate. If one of my friends tried pulling that shit on my wife, they’d be picking their teeth up off the floor.

Distance yourself from him as much as possible. Keep your husband informed and make it crystal clear to this loser that you’re not interested.

He’s breaking “bro code.” I don’t even know this guy but I feel like knocking his lights out.

Post # 11
Member
7279 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your instinct was spot on. He was trying to be slick.

Post # 12
Member
2884 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

this isnt the kind of thing id even think about – id just say “sorry, call me old fashioned but i dont have guys to stay when DH isnt here”. and id tell my husband. You don’t need to dwell on possible meanings and motivations – just steer clear

Post # 13
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsTillerResq:  Yikes. I don’t know much about the firehouse mentality, but from my perspective, this all seems super inappropriate. I would tell him as such. Face it head on – it may be awkward between you two for a little while, but that’s better than risking an escalation. And keep your DH in the loop – keeping something secret will only make it look shady.

Good luck!!

Post # 15
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You definitely did the right thing.  I’d clue in your hubby on what’s going on, because as a PP said, you don’t want to look like you’re hiding anything.  It’s better to let him know what’s going on and how you handled the situation.  Also tell the co-worker that you are not comfortable with this kind of situation, and ask for his respect of your relationship by not putting you in such a crappy situation.  Not cool!

 

You handled it very well.

 

 

 

Post # 16
Member
2328 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You definitely did the correct thing. I don’t think I would be comfortable allowing a man who was not a relative to sleep at my house if I was there alone…even if I knew them. 

I think it would be slightly different if it had been prearranged, maybe with your husband, weeks ago…but the question is, why was he going to drink alone in a town 40 mins away? It sounds really fishy, especially after the comments. 

Good for you for telling DH….I just hope it doesn’t affect both of your relationship with this man if he cools off 

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