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I don't know. My son will be at the wedding but not the wedding shower or rehearsal dinner. Thats a tough one. Good Luck.
to be honest i dont think you should exclude them form the ceremony... but thats just me... we have a 6yo and she knowledge the wedding and is excited... i know that for her to be part of the wedding will be a great experience... at the end is your decision and your future husband...
Who is to say whether it's wrong or right for your situation, except for you? I don't think it's morally wrong, or whatever. I think if you're doing a very small destination ceremony, it makes sense. It won't be very romantic for the two of you if you have your kids with you (obviously referring to the wedding night, not the actual ceremony). I think you're the only one that can make that call. Having said that, I wouldn't think you're wrong for waiting until the reception to involve the children. :)
Hmm, this is a toughie. I'll echo Layla that it is in the end impossible for us to say, because we don't know the nature of your relationship with your children. If you feel like celebrating your relationship with the trip, and then celebrating the new family at home works best, I can totally understand. I would just recommed really giving both aspects your attention and passion. If the destination part gets all of your attention, your kids may feel that.
I don't think its necessarily "wrong". But I know my 6 year old is super excited about our upcoming wedding and she would be disappointed if she wasn't there for it. But a destination wedding... yeah, I can see how that might not work out as well. Its a tough call.
I can't imagine not having our kids there (we have 5 between us ranging from 11 to 20) but that's me. That's the reason I didn't elope although I considered eloping WITH them!
I think the marriage is all about the blending of the families. And 3 little flower girls would be so cute!
When I was married the 1st time, we were legally married at the court house a month before our wedding (for immigration purposes). My DS11 was not there, however he was there at the symbolic wedding with the family afterwards. I kind of look at it as akin to that. All the responses have said "wedding," but really it would be like 6 people, no reception, no fancy flower arrangements, none of that. I'm not even talking including the parents and my mom is one of my BFFs.
We could totally do a full wedding here and I'm sure that the girls would LOVE to dress up. My DD4 tells me constantly that we should get married and have a wedding. BUT... I don't want a big wedding, or I should say I don't want to exchange my vows in front of 100+ people and that's what a local wedding would be as we both have HUGE families. I really want an intimate moment that's between my sweetie and I, with a big party afterwards which is the best part of weddings to me anyway.
Hmm.... I dunno either way.
I think what you're describing is perfectly fine. It sounds as though your kids are primarily interested in the large party portion of the wedding experience (which is to be expected, given their ages), and you can give them that, plus a meaningful sand ceremony or similar ritual, once you've returned. If they were older it might be a different story, but it seems as though they're mostly a bit on the young side to fully grasp the import of the vows, and so won't be hugely upset by missing them.
The important thing, I think, is that the kids feel and appreciate the creation of a new family, but it seems as though that's already well underway.
That you teaandtoast. The little ones totally won't get it (the vows part) and I doubt all three of them would sit still for long. It's not that I don't want them to be included -- I do, no pun intended!
My DD4 is CONSTANTLY talking about how she wants a sister. I told her one day she might have one. When she plays with the other girls, they pretend they're related. It's very cute. And DS11 said he wishes SO's daughters could live with us all the time. It's very sweet. So, in that regard, I do want to do something together to symbolize the blending of a family.
I think it's perfectly fine what you described without them being there and also with the reception idea of the unification ceremony (sand pouring).
However, for me, it's important my son SEE us get married and T's children see us marry. Imho, and this is just for me only, I think them being there makes it terribly real for them. But then again, you're making it very real for them when they do that ceremony with you also.
I just want him to be there. And then again, he's 11 and T's son is 12 although his daughter is almost 5. (she's such a cutie patootie!)
My son is 11 too, Bellenaga. And he HAS seen me get married. In that way, I wonder if it's actually a good thing for him to see it again, KWIM? If it's supposed to be "forever" and in his short lifetime he witnesses two, what does that say to him? (I'm asking this question of myself, really.) I worry about giving the impression that the WEDDING is more important than the marriage and family blending, KWIM? But, I am the type to totally over-think things. lol...
As a side note, my DD4 asked me last night not only how babies get into their mommy's stomach. ("Is it magic?") But, she also asked me "what is marriage?" OMG... what is marriage in an explanation to a 4 year-old? My response was when people love each other and want to be a family rather than just boyfriend/girlfriend they sign a legal contract saying they will be a family -- or something to that effect.
Headed to Jamaice in the morning, sans kids. We'll do a family at home party/ceremony this summer with the boys. 33 are joining us, no children, no guilt.
CurlyDreamer, if you're doing a destination type wedding, I'd agree not to include young children. But, it all depends on your individual situation. If I do a destination wedding, I'm only inviting a very select number of people and my children will likely be involved. However, mister's may not because not sure how the mother would feel about them traveling with us out of the US for a destination wedding. Again, it depends on your circumstances. Destination weddings and traveling with young kids is so NOT fun.
Either outcome is fine imho.. We're doing a destination wedding btw, and there will be a slew of kids there! Heck, all my friends are parents, except a few. So if chaos happens, it will happen. I'm not worried.
No problem mon!
We are eloping to France - no kids, no guests, just us. Will have a family celebrataion after we return. that's what I want, but the 3 younger kids hate it! They want to be there...
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I am not engaged yet, but I think I would like a small destination ceremony/honeymood with my sweetie and some of our closest friends (like 2 each) and then a reception back home with all our family. Would it be wrong to exclude the children from the actual ceremony? (Between us we have four children -- three of them girls who are under 6.)
Instead, at the reception there would be some kind of something (sand ceremony, exchanging of necklaces for the kids, special outfits, etc.) to symbolize the uniting of everyone as one family, so it's not like we would not acknowledge that part.
Have any encore moms considered not having kids at the actual ceremony, but including them in another way?