Post # 1
I just had a guy hit on me online. I received a twitter message from this really cute guy who is almost 3 years younger than me (yikes, cougar status!) He asked if I knew him, where I went to high school, etc., etc. We had an innocent conversation about college and how old we were. Nothing crazy. It ended up in him giving me his phone number and telling me I should text him. Yikes. I thought he knew I was engaged because I talk about my FI all the time on twitter. Apparently he just doesn’t care? Needless to say, I didn’t reply back after that.
I think flirting is fun. There’s no harm in it. As long as you never act on anything, there’s nothing wrong with being flirtatious. It’s human nature! My FI doesn’t like it, but I told him he should take it as a compliment that guys find me attractive. I don’t mind when other girls flirt/talk to my FI. I just smile at the girl and let it be known he is mine. Sure, girls find him cute and guys find me pretty, but we’re going home together. Not with anyone else.
What do you bees think about flirting? Is it harmless, or do you consider it cheating?
Post # 3
I think flirting is natural, sometimes people do not even know it is happening. I do think there is a fine line between flirting and leading someone on… Where that line is .. is kind of hard to tell so I think its a matter of respecting boundaries of your SO/FI.
Post # 4
i think being hit on is not the same as exchanging flirtations.
i’m find with other girls hitting on my husband or trying to flirt with him, i know he can’t control them… but it’s not okay if he returns it. and he’s the same with me. i get hit on by guys at work every weekend and i flash them the ring and they back off, but i never return their flirtations.
so… i don’t think it’s cheating, but it’s damn disrespectful to the one you are with.
Post # 5
@BakerBee16: I don’t think it’s cheating but I wouldn’t want my man trying to make an other girl feel sexy lol! JK! IDK flirting is just a no go for me.
Post # 6
To me, I’m not going to purposefully flirt with an individual. It has the potential to turn into something I never intended it to. Is attraction to others natural? Of course it is. But my husband is important to me, and I respect him. All too often you hear, “Well, it was innocent at first…I don’t know what happened…I don’t know how we ended up in an affair.” I would feel uncomfortable with my husband blatantly flirting with other women because it’ is disrespectful to our marriage.
If I were single, obviously I wouldn’t care. Do I consider flirting while married/engaged/in a relationship cheating? Not necessarily…but I wouldn’t want to put myself in a situation where it could turn into something I never intended it to be in the first place.
Post # 7
Flirting with someone and someone hitting on you are entirely two different things IMO.
The way I see it is, why flirt with someone if you don’t want it to lead to something else? IMO it is not 100% harmless. I don’t flirt with other men, even if one flirts with me. I have a hot husband I can do a whole lot more than flirting with waiting on me at home. 😉
I don’t think its physical cheating no. But I put that in the little box of boundaries that crosses the line for our marriage. Every marriage/couple is different. So every couple will see it differently.
Crossing the boundaries is being disrespectful to your partner and marriage/relationship. So is cheating. Either way, it’s not good.
Post # 8
I’ve heard a lot of people say that it’s harmless and unpreventable but it’s neither. There’s no tolerance for it in our relationship.
ETA: the text of your message sounds like others flirting at you. We obviously can’t prevent others flirting at us, which happens to both of us and is not a source of problems for us. We can only control our responses to it. Which we do.
Post # 9
whenever a thread like this comes up, i think of the episode of friends where ross can’t flirt, haha.
anyway, i think flirting can be harmless as long as you know where to draw the line and where it becomes inappropriate. i flirt occasionally, but it doesn’t mean anything to me and whenever one of us has a flirting encounter we usually tell each other and laugh about it.
i don’t care if my husband flirts a little bit with the girl at the checkout counter once in a while, but i would be upset and concerned if it became a habit and he started flirting with women everywhere and i would find it disrespectful if he did it in front of me.
i also think it would bother me more if he was flirting with his friends who are girls as opposed to random girls he runs into while he’s running errands. i think when there’s already an established friendship it’s easier for things to escalate and get out of control.
Post # 10
I don’t put flirting in the same category as cheating but I do find it really disrespectful and inappropriate when you are in a relationship/married. I like to think I was a great flirt when I was single, I had a lot of fun with it- but at this point in my life I’d rather be a good wife to my husband than a good flirt to random guys.
Post # 11
Flirting is outside of the boundaries DH and I have set for our marriage. It’s inappropriate in our eyes and it goes against everything we promised each other in our vows. Not to mention the fact that I’d feel like an absolute sleazebag if I were to flirt with anyone other than him!
Post # 12
As far as I’m concerned flirting is a lot of fun! However it is also the next stepping stone (potential) to cheating.
In most of my current and previous relationships, me flirting would cause arguments. If they flirted then I used to hate it also.
However I did have a partner that was into the London swinging scence in a big way and she got me involved several times. It was very, very exciting and fun (best experience of my life, I was 23). It was all done in a controlled manner and you would see images of everyone involved online (no man to man though). She got obsessed with it in the end and she ended up dating a porn king and moved out to LA with him.
Women (and men) enjoy new experiences and love fun, compliments, attention and excitement. Flirting provides all 4. For a woman especially, having just 1 compliment can made her day.
It all depends on the laidbackness and security that the person has (flirting).
Certainly a Contentious subject and one that I will subscribe to.
Out of interest, does anyone select the “Subscribe to topic via Email” and “Notify me of follow up posts via email)?, or do they just submit a post and never return to it.
The Silver Fox
Post # 13
Flirting is one of those things were you have to decide what is right for your relationship.
In mine, it’s completely fine, in fact it makes us feel good. If someone is flirting with me then that makes both me and my boyfriend feel good and vice versa. It’s nice to feel unwanted by outside parties. To know that you’ve “still got it”. I don’t mind if he flirts back, but we have our own lines as to how far the flirting can go.
But I completely understand people who aren’t comfortable with it at all.
Post # 14
Personally, I wouldn’t like if my fiance intentionally flirted with a woman and I choose not to partake if someone is flirting with me because I find it disrespectful. The only person I want that kind of attention from is my fiance and I’m uncomfortable if it comes from elsewhere, but that’s just me.
Post # 15
@lilchicana: I always think of the episode where Monica admits to flirting all the time and Chandler gets mad because she’s “a lot hotter than he is” haha! That kind of sums up mine and FI’s relationship. Idk, I’ve always had lots of boyfriends growing up (only 2 serious relationships, though-one being with FI). My FI on the other hand, only dated like 3 girls before me. I was a lot of firsts for him, but he was no first for me. This used to cause a lot of problems when we were younger because he was so insecure about this. I almost left him numerous times because I couldn’t take it anymore.
To me, flirting is my way of feeling like I “still got it” and others think the same. I have NO intentions of taking it further, and actually I wouldn’t consider it flirting most of the time-just a funny, witty conversation.
I can see 100% where everyone is coming from with flirting not being OK in their relationships. I just couldn’t imagine going the rest of my life never having a fun, flirty type conversation when others (including women!).
Post # 16
My rule of thumb is: If you would be ashamed to do it in front of your DH, FI or SO, then it’s inappropriate. If you have a borderline conversation with someone and you’re wondering if it’s inappropriate, think about how your FI would feel or how you would feel if your FI knew about it. If you wouldn’t want him to overhear/read the conversation, then you shouldn’t be having it, IMO.