NWR is going to a concert with a single male friend inappropriate?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: is going to a concert as a married woman with a single male friend inappropriate?
    yes : (25 votes)
    27 %
    no : (59 votes)
    63 %
    other (explain) : (10 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 2
    Hostess
    15072 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I wouldn’t do it but that’s what works for our relationship, so, if your husband is fine with it then go. That’s how your relationship works and no one can tell you it’s wrong except you and your husband.

    Post # 3
    Member
    5222 posts
    Bee Keeper

    All that matters is that you, your husband and y’alls mutual friend all agree on the “terms”.

     

    What anyone else says/thinks is irrelevant. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    2566 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    If he’s fine with it, I say go for it… but typically I think those types of relationships are inappropriate, at least when both people in the couple can’t go.

    Honestly, it sounds like in your situation it’s fine.

    Post # 5
    Member
    12998 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Guy/Girl, single/commited.. I dont understand the problem with having a FRIEND of any sort.  I’ve been going out shopping and hanging out and stuff with a married guy friend and a single guy friend leaving my husband at home cause he doesnt like to shop almost every weekend the past few weeks and he has no problem with it.  And he doesnt even know these friends that well.  According to these women, just because I’m married now, I shouldn’t be able to go out with them.. even though I’ve known them for  a decade before DH came alone?

    Post # 6
    Member
    2114 posts
    Buzzing bee

    future.mrs.koban:  I think it can be inappropriate, but it clearly is not in this case. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    Your female coworkers seem stuck in the Middle Ages. What the heck? 

    If your husband trusts you and trusts this guy, and all lines of communication are open, then there is no problem whatsoever.

    The only time there should be an issue with you going out with a single male friend is when an emotional affair begins – but that’s not just a friend at that point, is it?

    That’s clearly not what’s happening in this situation. Tell your colleagues to loosen up.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2272 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    First off, Eric Church is FANTASTIC & I hope you enjoy him!  Super jealous of you right now 😉

    Secondly, every relationship has different boundaries.  I think it’s great that you & your husband are able to assure/communicate with each other that this obviously isn’t anything inappropriate.

    Have fun!!

    Post # 9
    Member
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    future.mrs.koban:  i only think it’s inappropriate if you make it that way. if you didn’t tell your husband, if you had ulterior motives (or knew that your friend did, and went anyway), etc. but i don’t think it’s ever wrong to have a friend of either gender if that is all they are. especially since it sounds like you all had plans to go, but that didn’t work out. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2428 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Agreed with PPs who say whatever works for your (general you) relationship is all that matters.

    I have a two really close male friends who were in my life way before I met my husband. Naturally they’ve all become good friends over the years (one of them married us and the other was a groomsman) and it’s never been an issue if we hang out without my husband.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1882 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    future.mrs.koban:  in my relationship, it would depend on the friend. I do have some male friends that my husband refers to as “waiting in the wings” – meaning, they’ve indicated at some point that they’re interested in more than friendship, and should I ever become single, they would probably try something. I don’t hang out with those friends alone, and I certainly would not be thrilled if he hung out with women I knew were interested in him. However, I do have good longtime male friends that my husband likes and is comfortable with, and he would be fine with me hanging out with them one on one.

    Bottom line is, if you and your husband are both comfortable, no one else gets any say.

    Post # 13
    Member
    218 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic

    I wouldn’t do it but everybody is different. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    6270 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    if you, your husband, and this friend are comfortable with the situation, i see absolutely no problem with you going to this concert with a single friend. 

    don’t listen to those women.  you do what is right for you.  something may work for your family but it may not work for others.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2151 posts
    Buzzing bee

    future.mrs.koban:  I have lots of friends I hang out with without FI. Straight guys and gay girls (i’m bi), some single, some not. My FI doesn’t drink, so I even go to bars alone (with a book) sometimes. I often chat with people I meet, which I’m very open about with him.

    Recently a straight guy friend of mine and I had dinner and drinks at his house until maybe midnight, his gf was out of town (she knew I was there-we’re friends too, and FI knew I was there). I don’t see why it would be an issue unless something had gone on. I mean, this guy, we’ll call him “Frank” and I have been friends for almost 10 years, we have never even shared a drunken kiss. There is ZERO attraction between us. We were actually even roommates for about 3 years. He’s my “dude” friend, and I’m his “dude” friend. We drank 40s and ate massive burritos and smoked, it was hardly a flirtatious evening.

    Now I will say that I’m not good friends with anyone I used to sleep with. This is for a couple of reasons. One, I would feel compelled to tell FI that I had a sexual past with the person, which is awkward. To then ask him if I could hang out with that person seems like asking a lot. I’m not sure I’d love him asking that of me either. Part of it is just personal preference on my part, I just feel funny being around someone I used to sleep with while with someone else- it makes me feel weird. Plus, that means you’re hanging out with someone who you know you are attracted to, which seems like not the best plan.  

    I know when to cut myself off at the pass, which has only happend once in 6 years. So a couple years ago I met a guy who I had a lot in common with. We hung out, FI knew and it was fine. Then I realized I was kind of attracted to the guy. I immediately just quit hanging out with him, I figured “why tempt fate?”? I think this kind of self-honesty is important when you’re friends with people who may be attracted to you (and vice versa). I never told FI, when he asked why we stopped hanging out I was just like, “eh, he got kind of boring”, or something to that effect. 

     

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