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I will have a card box, because it would just be way too many envelopes for the groom to hold on to!
Seriously, the groom is probably the worst person to give it to on that night. He'll have too many other things to worry about than people handing him envelopes for a few hours.
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Interesting. I've seen them at a lot of weddings (pretty much every one I've been to, as far as I can recall), and it almost seemed rude *not* to have a place to put cards/gifts. A card box seems especially innocuous - cards don't necessarily indicate a gift, just well-wishes.
). I have seen people give things to the best man, but that also seems a little silly.
My mom was the first to bring up the idea of a card basket. There is no way (at least where we live) that people would think to give cards to the groom - and I can personally say that there is no way DH would have ever kept track of them. And it's not like all wedding cards are something little - we got pretty large ones. It's as if people who are only bringing an envelope (as opposed to a wrapped present) feel a little self-conscious, and so pick the biggest card they can find. You get nice, little cards on a lot of the presents, but cards much too big to fit in a suit jacket pocket in the card basket or box.
I would solve it this way - if your FI wants to collect cards himself, then go ahead and skip the box. If he doesn't, tell your mom that either she gets to stand at the gift table and collect cards, or you'll have a box or basket.
FYI - you need someone at the gift table for reasons other than security - you need someone there with a roll of scotch tape to tape the cards to the packages. Otherwise if they get separated you'll never figure out what gift is from who. A few of your aunts will be sufficiently old school to write what they got you inside the card - but out of 120 guests we had four people do that. And nobody thinks to tape the card to the gift, so they will get separated in the transfer from the table to the car, and the car to your house.
Does your mom also not want a gift table at the wedding, cause that seems to be asking for gifts in a more obvious way, doesn't it? I would think the etiquette books would deem the gift table a no-no before the card box, but I've heard arguments for and against both. However, every wedding I've attended had both a gift table and a card box. A significant percentage of guests bring gifts/cards to the wedding rather than sending it to the newlywed's home, and I think it's polite to have a space ready for them to put these things so they aren't left wondering what to do with the gift in their hands. I've never heard a guest say that the table or box made it seem as though the bride and groom were "asking" for gifts. I'm sure your mom will understand - maybe even show her some of the fun card boxes people have created to show her how cute it can be! Oh, and every wedding rental store I've gone to has white bird cages for rent, a traditional "card box," which tells me this practice is well accepted.
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We had no gift table, where I live people only bring cards, so therefore we bought a beautiful card box (and made sure it was securly locked, some people in my family I don't trust, like my one sister.......) Another way we do it in this area is when the bride visits the tables, she carrys a pretty silk bag to put the cards in. Some of the older people prefer it this way.
I don't think I have ever been to a wedding WITHOUT a card box.
FYI I live in northeast PA
I agree with Candi -- I've never been to a wedding without a card box, and I don't think anyone I know would know to give it to the groom. Maybe that's a weird mom-ism? My mom has alot of those. =)
I guess in this situation, I would ask myself which is worse -- giving the cards to the groom and risk him losing them, or having a designated safe place for them and possibly offend people?
I've never been to a wedding with a card box! But, I live in the Deep South and almost nobody gives money for any gift...hell, it took my mother until I was 20 or so to start giving me money for presents! It's a regional thing.
There's almost always at the very least a gift table. And I've seen a lot of card baskets too. The cutest was a little white mailbox the couple had for people to drop their cards in.
Giving the card to the groom is more of an old Italian thing. It doesn't seem to be the norm anymore.
I meant to add that if you live in an area of the country where monetary gifts are the norm, it makes no sense not to have a card box. Your FI doesn't want to be in charge of them probably, but ask him first. It might just be that your MIL is worried about them getting lost, etc. Or she could just think you are tacky! MILs are great! @@
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I agree with the ladies above, it seems odd not to have some sort of card box or gift table available for your guests. I don't know about you but there is not way in h$ll that I would entrust my new husband with the keeping of the cards. He will be lucky to not lose his mason drinking jar that has his name on it!
Let's do the math: Drunk husband+gift cards="Husband saying, I don't know what happened to them"
I got a pretty white birdcage from Hobby Lobby for $7 during one of their 50% off sales. I put a burgundy ribbon around it and left it at that.
I just put a wire basket on the gift table. I have never seen a card box but probably never looked for one. Glad I had something though because there were a lot of cards!!! I think you just need some place for the cards to go besides just sitting on the table where they could get easily lost.....if a box seems tacky, then find something more low key...
I think a cardbox is completely fine-- if anything, it's an added convenience for your guests. People will definitely bring cards and the last thing you want is for the groom to be saddled with them. If he's anything like my hubby, all of them would be lost by the end of the night :)
I totally agree that a card box is fine! There's also a simple way to make it seem less like your asking for gifts if that's what mom's worried about: put out pretty paper and pens next to your card box so people can write you special notes on that night too. That way the card box serves a dual purpose, and if someone doesn't bring a card to put in it, they won't feel guilty because they can just write a note right on the table where the "controversial card box" is setting a pop it in with everyone else's stuff!
Good luck!
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I think it completely depends on where you live and what your family's custom is. I'm from the northest and have only been to one wedding with a card box.
Usually you give the card to the bride OR groom and they put it somewhere (my sister gave them to my mom, who put them in a bag under the table).
But we also don't bring phsyical gifts (unless they are cards) to the wedding so that means no gift table. Everything is shipped prior to the wedding (traditionally to the bride's parents home).
My advice, go with what you've normally seen and with what your family's customs are. My mom would be not be pleased if I had a card box so there won't be one at my wedding!
It's not like you're setting up an ATM by the gift table. It's just a secure place for people to leave cards for you if they choose to bring one. And it's far better than the alternative of having people's cards lost/stolen.
I, too, found out about card tables via Weddingbee, but it makes perfect sense. It provides a place to put cards (with or without cash). If you went around to guests shaking it, then perhaps that might be construed as asking for gifts in an obvious way, but your guests are already there - they can't very well run out and get a card, so not much to be done.
We're having a card box and will have any gifts brought to the wedding put away in a side room, so no gift table necessary. Whew!
I've never been to a wedding without a card box. In fact one of the first things I do when I enter the reception/cocktail site is look for the card box because I don't want to be carrying it around anymore, (cards are usually too big to fit into a small purse). I wouldn't want my new hubby or any of my family members to have to deal with one more thing, (like collecting all the cards and keeping track of them), on top of everything else they're doing that day.
But I have to agree that this might be a regional/cultural difference so I would just do what you've seen done in your area and among your circle.
If someone wanted to give a very generous amount in a card (maybe $1000..hehe) then you would want it kept safe somewhere where nobody will lose it or get to it, so having a card box is just a convenience for your guests thats all.... you and your hubby will be busy all night and maybe not even remember about gifts or think about money, but at the end of the night it will be more convenient for you guys
Card baskets/boxes are not tacky. The couple is not going to be holding the cards the entire night or for any duration as they have other things they need and want to do so they need to be kept somewhere. Also, whatever is chosen needs to be obvious that it is intended for cards as not everyone is used to seeing boxes decorated as gifts and automatically knowing that is for cards. If you don't have something, they will get lost. Btw, not everyone gives monetary gifts so don't assume anything like that.
That said, every single wedding I have been to has had an open basket either at the ceremony next to the guestbook or at the reception on the gift table and never have any of them been taken either. I have never seen birdcages or "wedding cake" card boxes and the folks we know wouldn't know what they were for if we did have one. We're planning to use a regular basket since it's the simplest thing that keeps them all together in one area.
Any box will be fine,
@ember, the reason why I suggested 'bird cage boxes' and 'wedding cake boxes' was because a wedding cake box we looked at looks just like our real wedding cake which I think was cute and would match our wedding theme perfectly! Some people who have Spring weddings would maybe want a 'bird cage box' to match their theme, anyhow, any kind of box would be good, but it will look more 'unasking for gifts' if it would actually look cute and go with the theme of the wedding, as like a nice decor would. A basket is nice too, but if you could come up with something 'different' to go with your theme, it will be so nice! When guests arrive and sign the guest book at the guest book table, they will quickly notice any kind of box there and know what to do about it
I don't think it's any more tacky than registering or setting up a gift table. Most people expect to bring a gift. I refinished a vintage birdcage and I'll be setting it on the gift table. It depends on region and culture, but a lot of people do give money, whether directly to you or into a box of some sort.
My friend had a huge wedding and no gift table because of etiquette, but in San Diego everyone brings gifts (rather than cash) and they had no idea where to put them. She has a Wedding Coordinator, but she was scrambling trying to find places for the gifts. I'm not the etiquette police by any means...but I think having a table or box is just good planning. I personally don't think it means "give me a gift please".
we are getting a real mailbox and putting our names on it and hand prints and when we are done we are putting it up at our house that we recently bought
Yep, i happily stole the idea from the movie "up"
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It isn't tacky. My dad kept referring to it as a 'money box' and said I wouldn't need it. I told him it was not just for money, but for cards. Most people, even if they have already given you a gift OR brought it to the wedding, will bring a card....
My card box was decoration as well. People filled it with cards--some with money, some with gift cards, some with just cards and good wishes. Overall, it made the table look more organized instead of having cards scattered everywhere and I knew that none of them would get lost.
my MOH surprised me with a card box, which was put to good use at both the wedding, bridal shower, and is great home decor now!! She knew that I didn't want to spend a ton of money on a store bought card box that I will never use again (and I recently went to a friends' wedding and her store bought card box did not fit many cards OR the larger envelopes!! Anyway, my MOH knew I was picky and found this. I HAD to share it because it came out amazing!!!
I can't see why it would. I thought they were a common thing. They've also made appearances and big birthday bashes for my dad and relatives. Besides, cards don't have to have money/gift cards in them!
Tacky word drives nuts now. No having a card box is smart as it will lead to less confusion and make it easier to transport everything. For my Dad sides of the family most of them never buy gifts and give cash in cards. I don't want anyone walking around with all of that money in hand. We most likly will leave the card box out until after dinner before putting it away.
@TwoCityBride: I dislike the word "tacky" for it's lack of semantic content. It lets its user get away with denigrating an idea, without thinking deeply enough about why she dislikes it, to be able to explain her dislike in precise and persuasive terms, and without having to defend her reasoning -- because the judgement of "tacky" is not founded on reasons; it is arbitrary.
That being said, I'd recommend any of my nieces or nephews against having a card box. In our circle, "cards" are a form of letter, used to communicate greetings from folk not physically present. Their only use when the sender is actually present is to convey a gift to which it is attached. And we do not give money (my nieces who have intermarried with husbands of different ethnic backgrounds have in fact felt hurt and insulted by well-meaning inlaws' giving money in violation of mainstream formal etiquette norms). Most of us have attended ethnic weddings where money-gifts of different sorts are the norm, but not OUR norm. Thus a cardbox in our circle would look as though the bride were abandoning her own family culture for somebody else's more lucrative tradition. She would inevitably lose some respect as a result.
So it is not in all cases a "smart" thing to do. @blubry's mother thought it would be tacky, and mothers are a good judge of their own family norms. Giving the envelope to the groom is meant to be discrete and personal and reflects the small number of people (only older wealthy very close relatives) from whom (in traditional mainstream formal circles) a monetary gift would be acceptable.
It is moot, of course: blubry's post was three years ago and she got married, with or without a card box, back in 2008. But I hope she listened to her mom rather than risking coming off as mercenary, or having her new in laws (if they were from traditional formal circles) thinking of her as "NOCD".
I've seen them at every wedding I've been too or a whole table dedicated for cards with a sign so you know it's for cards.
I, personally see nothing wrong with it.
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I first heard about card boxes here on wedding bee. I don't remember seeing them at other weddings that I've been to, but maybe its because I wasn't looking for them. Anyway, when I told my mom about he idea of having one, she scoffed and stated that she thought it was a tacky way of asking guests for their gifts. She believes that most guests understand that they should give cards directly to the groom. What?!
What is your opinion on card boxes? Is it tacky or tasteful? Did you have one? If so, how did you do it and how did it work out?
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