Post # 1
Has anyone else had their FI use the cost of the wedding to justify buying something else?
“If we can afford spending all this money on a wedding, why can’t we buy a new TV?”
We moved last weekend, in the move our TV broke. I’m fine with not having a TV for a long.. long time. However, my fiance is not ok with that, he’s not OK buying used, or getting something smaller than 40 inches. We’ve been watching tv and movies on my computer monitor for the time being. He has said however that he would ‘get bored’ of that and not want to sit on the couch and watch TV with me anymore. I feel like spending time together on the couch (favorite snuggle time) is being held hostage for buying a TV. I would be the one footing the bill for the new TV, as I am the one footing the bill for the wedding. We’ll have (barely) enough to pay for the wedding if all goes well.
I just am worried that if I cave to this, he’ll want me to buy other things. Like a new gaming system… or a sound system… or anything else he wants. Does he just not understand that I’ve budgeted our wedding down to a dime and that I’m scrimping and saving everything I can (PB&J’s for lunch, free food whenever asked, no shopping, major cut backs on dinners out with friends). I’m just fustrated and worried.
Post # 3
I would let him get the TV. Or maybe register for one so if someone doesn’t buy it, you can get the discount at the end with whatever is left on your registry.
Are you paying for the wedding on your own or as a couple?
Post # 4
That makes no sense at all! The whole point of budgeting is that you need to make sure you have the money and don’t buy something just because you are buying something else! I would have a serious talk with him about how much the wedding is costing and where you are financially now You also probably want to use this time before the wedding to talk about money management styles so you can see if you two think the same or if you think differently. Good luck!
Post # 5
I guess if you’re the one paying for everything, you get final say =. If you can barely cover everything, I would hold off on a tv until it’s comfortable to spend that amount. If you’re eating PB&J’s for lunch just to save money, it’s safe to say a big new television is a luxury at this point.
It bugs me that he wants to spend YOUR money.
Post # 6
IMO, if you are scrimping and saving to pay for a wedding, then HE can scrimp and save if he wants a new TV. Especially since he seems unwilling to compromise about where the TV is coming from…used, smaller, etc.
Post # 7
If he wants a new tv he can go pay for one himself. You are budgeting for a wedding.
Post # 8
Ditto, ejs4y8. Especially the last part…
Post # 9
I don’t think it’s really reasonable to put EVERY penny toward the wedding. You should still be able to enjoy your life in the meantime, and you don’t want to end up resenting the wedding because of what you had to give up to get it. If he really wants the tv, let him get it. Just maybe work it out so that he saves up out of the money you budgeted for spending money (even if it takes awhile), so that it won’t affect your wedding savings.
Post # 10
Is he not contributing financially at all? Does he make any of his own money?
If you are paying for the wedding AND for this possible TV, I think you need to discuss with him that there are three options:
1) You do not buy a TV until the wedding is over and/or you have money to spare for one (Also, registering for the TV is a smart idea).
2) He gets a job and pays for the TV himself, or at least help you pay for it.
3) You compromise and buy a cheaper TV that fits more easily into the budget rather than an expensive 40″ flatscreen TV.
Post # 11
This is what I’m confused about. Does he make his own money?
Post # 12
Another ditto for ejs4y8. I would put it on the registry, but I would also tell him that he needs to save for it himself. You can’t be expected to pay for every purchase.
Post # 13
@ejs4y8: Yeah… I brought that point up. Its my money, I’m the one paying for it.
“We are getting married, its going to be our, is this how its going to be with all money the rest of our lives?”
I make more money than he does, I always have, so I’ve always picked up the bill for more expensive things. I have never liked doing it, I don’t like having to pay for his way, but the reality is if I want fly across country and have him go with me to meet my parents, then I have to pay for that expense. I was really peeved about the comment he made about “I’ll get bored of sitting on the couch with you watching a tiny screen” after a while. That made me really mad and hurt.
Post # 14
@Miss Tattoo: He does have a job, he makes OK money, but he also has MASSIVE student loans, therefore has no money. I pretty much manage his money, so I know he’s not just spending it on other things, its just after Student Loans and bills there’s almost nothing left.
Post # 15
I think its a matter of priorities. Yours is paying for the wedding and his is the TV. So it is fair that you both get your priorities. Its NOT fair that you have to pay for both. If he wants to a TV, then he should scrimp and save. If you were both paying for the wedding, then you should both pay for a TV, but that is not the case.
However, there is the argument that since you are getting married its “your money”, but I dont buy that. My FH and I split shared expenses based on the % of income we make. Big additional expenses are split or paid by one or the other depending on what it is and who wants it. (Assuming we have met our saving guidelines that month etc).
EDIT: what I mean by % of income. We both put in 50% of our income for shared living expenses, eating out etc. The rest is “my” money. Of course I will use if for us stuff, but if I wanted a new TV and FH didnt want to spend the money on it, then it would come from account. Of course, if it were really expensive we would both come to an agreement about its not nice to spend that kind of money on something that the other doesnt agree on.
Post # 16
@bonsai_spork: In my relationship, my SO makes significantly more money than I do. As such, he pays for most of the expensive purchases and I cover the smaller ones. That said, I do not get to have whatever I want just because we share money. He is better with money so he does the budgeting, plus he makes most of it anyway so I think it is fair that he can veto purchases I want to make. Sure, he tries very hard to be fair and compromise with me or work something out if I want something expensive, but beggars can’t be choosers. If I really want something that he doesn’t want to pay for, I either have to contribute more money to it myself, wait or not get it at all.
The wedding is important to you and this TV is important to him, but if you’re paying for the WHOLE wedding, then he has to compromise on something.