Post # 1
So I am new to this site and thought I would check it out. I have a Boyfriend or Best Friend of 4 years and have known since the 6th grade we were also highschool sweethearts. We are currently seperated- but we have children so I see him daily. He has been hinting about marriage and has asked me during several different conversations. If I thought about what kind of marriage I want?, Can we get engaged while we are separated and yesterday he says I was gone get you a ring. He says things but then ends with well I got to take care of xyz first. What is this about? I try not to say much cause I dont want him to stop talking. Any suggestions as to his thinking cause I get lost sometimes like why would you even bring it up. We are getting along better with less arguing but I have some trust issues with him.
Post # 3
I am assuming the trust issues is why you guys are currently separated?
I obviously dont know him, you or your situation but I think he is just trying to let you know, he wants to be with you and loves you and sees himself marrying you one day but what stops him are “xyz”. Sometimes guys thoughts are confused but they know in the ened what they want.
It is like car shopping…I want X but Y is so nice too. But I wont buy the new car til my old one is paid off, etc.
I think it is perfectly acceptable and I would say, honorable of him to know that he wants to get married when he can dedicate his all to it. I don’t know what “xyz” are…if its financial or emotional or something else like “i want to travel the world first or experience more”…i guess that would be important to know.
I think you have to think most importantly is, if he asks, will you say yes. Do you trust him enough to be with him for the rest of your lives?
Post # 4
Why would you want to marry someone you are currently separated from? Him being your children’s father isn’t a good enough reason, imo.
Post # 5
@LJefferson23: I think its a bit off to be discussing marriage while you are separated. the separation happened for a reason I assume. So IMO it would be wise to really discuss the status of your relationship with him and figure out how to build a trusting, healthy relationship before talking about rings and an engagementmarriage. A ringengagement is not a cure all if there are issues and if you would like a solid foundation, there needs to be some major communication and healing between you two before moving forward.
Post # 6
@stardustintheeyes: I agree and we are in that process of doing that now. I def have to rebuild my trust and I am seeing small changes in him. He said he wants to be with me but I think he is just confused. Hoping for the best. Thanks for responding,
Post # 7
@ScottieN: The seperation was a mutual descion. It wasnt until the seperation that I started to develop trust issues because he is not around me as much. But I def see confusion with him. He really knows my heart and we love eachother. I just need him to show me more of how he feels instead of talking. Guys are so hard to figure out sometimes its like a mystery. I appreciate your feedback
Post # 8
@LJefferson23: Personally I would never do an actual separation with someone I was not completely done with. I have done it where I told the person I was with that I did not know where we were headed given how things had been going and that we needed o figure things out one way or another but as of now, any forward progress is on hold until we can get on solid ground with each other. I don’t handle “breaks” well and I automatically think that since we arent in an actual relationship that he can go hook up with other girls or do what he wants basically. so if you are struggling with trust I would sit down with him and be completely honest about how you are feeling during this time of separation and that its not helping you two move in a good direction. So maybe instead of a separation you two can just stop any progress towards “the next step” and just focus on getting your relationship to a good place where you guys can start talking about the next step. Its much cleaner that way and not nearly as messy IMO. pLus if you two have marriage in the future, this could be good practic eon working through the rough patches.
Post # 9
@LJefferson23: I think I see the confusion with your Boyfriend or Best Friend as well. Most men are straight-forward. If marriage is what they want, you will know. There won’t be any doubts about.