(Closed) Is he practicing? Is he teasing me? Is he playing mind games?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

My bf does this to me too and thinks that it’s the funniest thing ever but its driving me crazy!!!!!!

Post # 4
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think guys just don’t get how hard waiting is.  It’s like being shown the biggest and best gift you’ve ever wanted, then watching as it’s put on the highest shelf out of your reach and told you’ll have no idea when you’re actually going to get it, you’ve just got to sit and stare at the box until your boyfriend decides he’s ready to give it to you.  It’s maddening!  Who wouldn’t want to try and get more details?  I’m sure most women would rather have no idea the box is even there.  Unfortunately that’s not the case for many of us, since we usually know a proposal is going to happen sometime soon, we just have no idea when.

I’m a bit of a control freak myself, so the waiting period was especially horrific.  I like to put myself in charge of my own destiny, you know?  Having someone else pulling the strings was not a pleasant experience AT ALL and I’m ecstatic it’s over.

I think the dancing and getting on one knee is obnoxious.  I know he doesn’t mean it like that, but it does kind of appear that he’s making light of your anxiousness and that isn’t cool.

When the waiting got really  hard for me I gave myself a “shut up date.”  For me, it was our anniversary (thankfully, that’s when he proposed.) I promised myself that until then, I would not breathe a WORD about getting engaged, not one word.  After I made it to the “shut up date,”  then all bets were off.  Having an end point certainly helped with my own anxiety.  Hopefully it can help with yours too.

Post # 5
Member
2894 posts
Sugar bee

No, but I wish he did. Smile Don’t get me wrong. Waiting sucks. But waiting in silence really sucks. I’d just die if my guy was that romantic. Yeah, teasing is a little unfair, but he sounds very romantic. But hopefully he backs it up with something substantial soon. 🙂 I don’t think I’m exactly as objective as I can typically am today – read/watched one too many proposal stories. Feeling a little too happy. But I wish you the best of luck. 

Post # 6
Member
48 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@lezlers:  I’m a control freak like that too so I’m trying to hold myself back from trying to control this and not say anything at all but it just gets harder and harder every day.

Post # 7
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

He could be working through his nerves and getting his head wrapped around the idea of proposing, and he could be doing it just to reassure you that it is coming, when he’s ready. Just enjoy this time before the wedding planning craziness really starts.

Over the course of a year and a half, (since our 6 month-ish dating anniversary), DH made lots of comments like “When we’re married,” and even called me wife a few times, asked what kind of ring I wanted, where we would want to get married, whether his cousin would sing at our ceremony…always him initiating the conversation, not me bc I didn’t want to pressure him, and I really didn’t care whether we got married tomorrow or in 10 yrs, just that we eventually would… but after his hinting for over a year, I had to ask him to lay off because it made me look at every big day (birthday, Christmas, Valentine’s Day, etc.) as the time he would propose and that it made each day ultimately disappointing… if he stopped the hints, I could get my mind off him proposing until that day when he would actually propose. He thought he was reassuring me that it was coming… but after a year and a half of expecting it, you get kind of emotionally exhausted, y’know. Anyway, he did lay off, I calmed down, and 5 months later he proposed. It was beautiful and I think it was just how we both wanted it to be. 

Just sayin’… don’t get frustrated yet. Enjoy it, and if you need to, tell him you’ll be so happy on the day he proposes, but until then, knock it off with the hinting. (y’know, in nicer terms)

Post # 8
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

@red_seattle:  I also had to have a “quit talking about marriage” talk with my FI before he proposed.  I don’t even think he realized how much he was doing it.  It was making me crazy, though, so I eventually told him to knock it off.  It was just too much.  I think it really hit home for him when there was the wedding scene on a Friends re-run we were watching and I rolled my eyes and fast forwarded.  When he looked at me all curiously, I simply told him “it’s just not fun anymore.” 

Yeah, waiting got really rough there for awhile..

Post # 9
Member
304 posts
Helper bee

@lezlers:ya they REALLY don’t understand how hard it is!!! if they did, they wouldn’t wait so long to do it!

Post # 10
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@lezlers: The way you feel about your waiting period is exactly how I feel at the moment- I even have a shut up date (oddly enough our anniversary as well!). Its just so frustrating as motivated women to have to wait- I like being in control and this is something I just have to wait on and allow to happen on its own…pretty difficult for someone like me 🙂

Post # 11
Member
2026 posts
Buzzing bee

I know that it’s frustrating, but I would try to find something to keep yourself busy. It sounds like he is doing everything that he should be to ensure that he has the funds and is ready to do it, and I think that it’s cute that he dances with you. He sounds playful and fun.

Try not to bring it up, it sounds like it will be soon for you 🙂

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