Post # 1
I’ve been with my bf over 3 years. he talks about marriage quite a bit, but still has not proposed. He took me to pick out a ring almost a year ago. He keeps giving me excuses like he’s saving $, he’s having a ring custom made, he’s trying to plan something special to surprise me etc. But how do I know if he’s ever going to propose, or if he’s just stringing me along with endless excuses?
This topic was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by funmilk22.
Post # 2
You guys need to have a timeline talk. Tell him you know he’s planning something but you really want to push the relationship forward with a concise timeline.
whether or not he’s willing to have that talk will give you a better idea of where his head is.
Post # 5
thanks unfathomably, I have tried this and he says I need to atop being so anxious and just let it happen..
Post # 6
Reply to that, “Sorry, but you can’t just dictate how I should feel and what I should do. I’ve decided that I’ve waited quietly and patiently long enough without anything happening. This is a major step in my life as well as our relationship, and I have the right to discuss it with you. So I would like to talk openly about a timeline.”
If he still refuses to discuss it with you right then, remind him that it’s not good for people in a long-term relationship to shut down communication, and that this is very important to you and thus to the relationship. It might help to give him time: for example, say, “OK, well, if you aren’t prepared to talk now, then let’s talk this weekend over brunch. That gives you some time to get your thoughts together.”
Post # 7
ohnatto: Yep, this! 🙂 I agree.
Post # 8
funmilk22: He talks about marriage quite a bit so I think you have every right to ask for a timeline. Open communication and respect for each other’s feelings is one of the foundations of a strong relationship. I agree with the above posters – make a “date” for discussing a timeline. After three years together you have every right to know his level of commitment to you.
Post # 9
funmilk22: When my FI and I were a few months into dating, I was moving to another state to be with him, changing careers, etc, we started talking about what we saw in the future and timelines. I’m 3 years older than he is so I was obviously much more “ready” for a proposal. It was over Thanksgiving and I said I wanted to be engaged before I turned 30 (this gace him just over a year). Well it didn’t happen before I turned 30. I happened 7 months after. Those 7 months were miserable. I was cranky and moody and fussy and hated everyone married or engaged. I got tons of the “just be patient” stuff and “I’ve got something in mind”.. Just pissed me off more. I told him I would never give him a timeline/deadline/ultimatim to meet, but be prepared if one day I tell you I’m tired of waiting any I’m done. It was bad. While I was frustrated I kept asking myself if it would be better to leave and find someone who wanted the same things when I wanted them… but I knew I was with the right guy and leaving was never a real consideration.
I had no idea what he could be “planning” because he’s never been the best with that. Well, he blew me away. He put a lot of work into the most simple perfect proposal. When he was talking leading up to it, he even said he probably strung me along for a bit, that he wasn’t ready as early as I was. Not saying this is the case for ever guy… but they aren’t always stringing you along either.
Looking back, guys have to make a bigger investment up front when it comes to proposals. Getting the ring, figuring out how to do it, etc. They don’t get to be surprised and just have to say yes. My FI told me he wanted to have his CC paid off and was considering how his debts will become OUR debts, and that we have money for the honeymoon/wedding and aren’t dead broke after a wedding. They are much more logical about it for the most part while girls are waiting for the fairly tale.
Post # 10
thanks txbride! I tried talking
to him shortly after my post and he showed me a pic of a ring box on his desk and said to stop worrying n stop asking questions. but its been 2 months n still no proposal. Idk what he’s waiting for. he says he wants to get married in May, which is only 5 months away..
Post # 11
- Wedding: June 2015 - UC Botanic Garden, Berkeley, CA
funmilk22: I’m sorry, that’s frustrating!
He might not realize how time-consuming it is to plan a wedding. If you want to get married at a traditional venue in a somewhat popular location, you will likely need to book it a year out of the date you want to get married. I knew that, but my fiance is consistently surprised by how many vendors are booked really far in advance! Not just venues, but caterers, photogaphers, etc. Even hotel blocks!
Post # 12
well I found out he’s had a custom made ring in his possession for 5 months, asked my dad permission 3 months ago, 2 months ago found out I’m pregnant..and still no proposal.
Post # 13
funmilk22: well it’s definitely time to ask him what he’s waiting for.
he said he wanted to get married in May, that’s two months from now.
Post # 14
funmilk22: why don’t you propose to him? My man and I knew from the beginning that this was it, so after just a year we were looking at rings. nothing happened for a few months after that, so I started to make plans to propose to him.
but he beat me to it 🙂
i would also recommend a serious discussion about a timeline though. If you’re not able to openly discuss your wants, needs and goals in your relationship, then I would say you’re not ready to get married.
Hope it works out for you.
Post # 15
funmilk22: I think he is serious about you and just need some time to plan everything. I would leave him alone about it for a while and if too much time goes by let him know that the situation is difficult for you. tell him you don’t want to rush him but you need him to know how it is affecting you.my fiance took a little while after we had discussed it to propose as well. it wasn’t that he wasn’t ready to marry me it is just a lot to planand he wanted to get the finances in order.