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... well, I don't really believe in the idea of soul mates so... I guess the reason I "know he's the one" is because I made that choice and I'll continue making that choice every day for the rest of my life. It's not cosmic, it's not really even all that romantic, it just is the choice I make.
I'm with KMSull on this. You know because you chose; and also because you have seen his good sides and bad sides; enjoy the first ones and can live with the bad ones!
An everyday choice.
im going to go with the words of one of the greatest love stories sleepless in seattle:
""it was a million tiny little things that, when you added them all up, they meant we were suppose to be together"
thta being said i think its different for everyone, for me it was one of those i knew it after the first date that this was who i was supposed to be with, this is who i had been waiting for. but that sort of epiphany isnt the norm. i think its not about finding someone you can live with but finding someone you cant live without, if you are able to love the person your with completely and unconditional... ie not say " oh i wish this part of him were different" then he is the one. For me i know I love every single part of my BF, every aspect of his personality, even the annoying ones i love because its him. I even love him when we are fighting. like i said, its a million little things that all add up and let you know.
A still, small voice told me. It was odd. The first kiss sealed it. Not in a romantic, infatuated sense... more like, "So this is it."
Never had that happen before and I never told anyone, really. Interestingly enough, he told me he felt that before I admitted to it myself, about a week after we first met.
I think the most important factors in a marriage are mutual respect and commitment to the relationship that you express in actions and choices every day.
Love is important too, but there are different kinds. Romantic love seldom lasts forever, or else it comes and goes, which is natural. I think romantic love is overemphasized as being important for a happy long marriage. What is more important to me is companionate love, which lasts and lets you manage to live with someone for a lifetime without them driving you crazy.
That said, I also felt a little voice inside me tell me that I had found my husband when I started dating him. I knew almost right away. What came after that just confirmed it.
I do not believe that there is only one person for everyone so the term 'the one' doesn't seem quite right for what I feel. The person that I am with complements me perfectly. I do believe that we can and will be together forever. However, I do know that if for some reason something happened with us, there is more than just one person in the world for me. To me, this is a less stressful, more comforting view of love.
He was there when I was very very sick and it was me and him that got "us" through. Doctors had little influence on me. We fused together during that struggle and now we are the unapologetic co-dependent couple. We're a little pair, a little team who look at life together from the same view point. Ug, I'm a writer but I can put this into words on the spot!
When you know it, you know it. I know it. He knows it. We know it.
Ok I used to be like KM.. I never believed in soulmates or one person meant for you or the one.. or whatever. But.... Mr. Tee and I have been friends for over 8 years. We have both been in long-term relationships which we both thought we would end up in. The reality was mine was 3.5 years of relationship hell and his was 2.75 years of close to the same.When we became friends online back in 2002 we would email, video chat, text, call.. and when we both had problems with our respective ex.. we would go to each other and it became the norm for us. I honestly never thought I would ever meet him in person and although that was very upsetting to me.. It was becoming a reality for me. One of my friends asked me one night.. if there was one person in my life I could never give up, who would it be and almost immediately Mr. Tee popped out of my mouth. Even though I had never met him in person.. I cherished his friendship soo much. April 2009 is when it all changed. It was the first time we were both single at the same time.. I was in and out of going on dates with men my family would set me up with (jewish tradition) and they so wanted me with a wealthy jewish man.. and to get married and start having babies fast. When Mr. Tee invited me up to Pittsburgh I as first declined.. but I knew we had something and I realized this was my one chance to figure out what it was. From the moment I met him.. I knew he was it for me.. It was just there. He was the exact same person that I had known and become to cherish the last 7+ years.. I wish I could describe it more than that. I know there is a reason he has remained in my life since 2001 and that there was a reason I couldnt let go of his friendship. I look forward to the day I can call myself Mrs. Tee and the day he becomes my husband.
So many beautiful posts. I'm a bit jealous of not knowing, if he's the one. Time will tell. Thanks
When we were together less than a month (we weren't even technically boyfriend/girlfriend yet) I tried to leave for work, and my battery was dead. I called him (mind you we had only been on a few dates) because he was my only man-friend who had a car. He comes, picks me up, drives me to work and then comes and picks me up at the end of my shift. When we got back he jump started my car, then drove around with me to let the battery recharge.
So, I know this might seem silly, but that's when I knew that he was my prince charming. But I agree with Gatormed, it is really just a ton of little things that made me know he was the one!
Yup. An unexpected, amazing feeling came over me when I first saw him, which was reaffirmed as I got to know him. He had a dream about me after we met, which inspired him to contact me and ask me on a date. So I felt he was "the one" immediately and went out of my comfort zone to pursue a relationship with him. In spite of our age difference and very different upbringings and experiences, we fit each other to a T.
Quite frankly my dear, I don't give a darn if there are other people out there that are suited to me, that could be a good match. That's a moot point in my book. I don't know those other people. They're not him!
Instinct, fate, choice, an act of God; whatever it is, he's the one for me. :)
@ccran.. Its almost a fairytale to me because of how bad my past relationships had been.. I am so blessed to have had a friend like Mr. Tee in my life.. and it just puts the cherry ontop knowing hes the man I know im going to spend the rest of my life with.. he tells me everyday.
theren- ok now im crying!! dawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Mine wasnt love at first sight.. it was more I just appreciated his company.. it wasnt till about 3 months into the relationship that I actually realised that this is it.....Now I couldnt imagine my life without him. Cant wait for august!! *skips*
I was actually two and a half years into a relationship that wasn't going anywhere when I met my SO. My ex would never go with my rock climbing, but it's such a passion for me that I never let him stop me. One weekend last February I was out climbing with my climber guys and one of the guys kept picking on me. Total elementary school flirting. I totally blew him off because I was really trying to make my previous relationship work. The more and more that I climbed the more and more attracted to him I was becoming. It was super frustrating. I would gravitate towards him if we all went out to eat, I always made sure he was the one spotting me, and got excited to share my successful sends with him.
I kept telling myself that this was just a really awesome friend and was completely open with my ex about my climber guys. I even introduced my ex to the climber guys at dinner one night. Talk about awkward. The dynamic and chemistry of the group was shattered with my ex there. He just didn't fit in. Months of torturing myself by trying to make a failed relationship came down to one night. My ex and I were on his boat, and we got in the mother of all arguments. It was then that I realized I didn't need to deal with that kind of stress anymore.
I called one of my climber guys, AR and asked him to come pick me up. It was after midnight, I didn't have a car, and my dog and I were stranded with crazy ex yelling at me from the dock. AR couldn't come get me, but he called and around for me. Lo and behold about half and hour later my SO shows up. It wasn't a white horse, but it may as well have been. There were lots of little moments that I think show me he's "the one". I honestly can't imagine clicking this well with anyone else. I feel really lucky.
At first, I thought R was the one for me because of the way he made my heart flutter and pulse race. After awhile, the feeling dulled (a little) but we never stopped talking, debating, cooking together, having fun together, and being there for each other. That feeling of excitement and drama at the beginning of the relationship evolved to something deeper and more about who we are as people. (And, let's admit it, good sex, haha!)
But it wasn't really the big things that affirmed my decision. It's the way he looks at me, still, after over 5 years of dating, even when my hair is mussed up and I'm in my pajamas or gross from working out. It's the way that he makes an effort to make me happy and be interested in the things that interest me. It's the way he is okay with us having differences, but is always willing to open his mind a little. It's the way he is instinctively kind to everyone, and the way he loves our animals just as much as I do.
All those things let me know, each and every day, that I made the right decision. Because by no means do I think there is a "one" person. I think we just fell in love and made a mutual decision to work through the hard times and continue to work to keep our relationship new & evolving.
I don't believe in "the one" either. I believe that when everything lines up right (love + joint values/goals + timing), that is the person you marry. I've been in love before but love alone is not enough to make a marriage work--romantic as the notion may seem. I've also met guys that had the goals/timing thing down but the love wasn't there. You have to have it all.
Once you find a guy who has it all and you get married, I think you have to work hard every. single. day. to keep your relationship strong. I don't think that a good marriage has to be "easy." I know my guy and I will last because we're committed to making it last. I trust him to put my needs above his own. He trusts me to do the same.
I think if someone has to 'ask' if he's the one, the answer is pretty obvious. No..he isn't.
Unless you're desperate to find someone who's your perfect match and fantasize that person into being the only one for you, you'll just KNOW. It can be a million little things or nothing you can exactly pinpoint......you can just love someone or be IN love with someone,and those feelings are worlds apart.
Romantic love is really the cornerstone of a long lasting marriage. If it fades away,you become nothing more than roommates. Once you become parents,your relationship dynamic changes once again...if you allow it. If you make your children your whole life while they're growing up,guess what happens when they leave? You and your husband realize you have nothing in common as you let your marriage come second. Its really SO important to have 'dates' and hold hands and just spend lazy days doing a bunch of nothing together to keep that connection going strong. Marriage takes work and lots of it!
Best of luck to all of you as you embark on this great adventure in your lives!
Oh, I could write a book on all the things that makes me know he is The One. Background story: AR (my fiance) and I met junior year of college and instantly became good friends. We had a ton of mutual friends and went to all the same parties, had the same social group activities, etc. At the time I had a very serious boyfriend and AR was dating around and whatnot. I would have NEVER imagined ending up with him. The summer before senior year me and my ex's relationship started getting rocky and was going downhill fast. The fall of senior year my friendship with AR skyrocketed and we spent all of our free time together. He was seriously my favorite person in the world. I still only viewed him as a friend but I thought about him ALLLL the time and did everything with him. Finally on New Years we decided to have the midnight kiss since we were both actually single and hey, why not? The following night he admitted to having feelings for me and that he really wanted to try dating each other. I wasn't ready because of my ex and for 5 months AR pursued me. We were best friends and I kept kicking myself all the time wondering why I was rejecting the idea of dating him. After graduation I finally came to my senses and we became official! Less than 2 months later I knew he was the one I would love forever.
The story on how I knew: One night we were supposed to see a movie with all of his guy friends. We were coming in from opposite sides of town and I was running late so AR said he would buy the tickets and to just meet him in the theater so we could go straight into the movie. When I parked I was so flustered at being late and making a bad impression on his friends. So flustered, that I got out of my car, locked it, and shut the door WHILE THE CAR WAS STILL RUNNING. I looked at the car mortified at what I had done. Luckily my cell was in my pocket so I called AR and he quickly came into the parking lot to find me. When he did, I was about to cry. He had already bought the tickets and his friends were waiting... terrible. He just smiled and didn't care. He said "I would spend $20 to hang out with you any night!" (when I worried about how he had already purchased tickets). We sat in that parking lot on the back of my running car for 2 and a half hours waiting for Triple A to come. It was honestly the most memorable and one of the most fun nights of my entire life. I think how I knew was that he didn't just try to comfort me or make me feel better about the situation. He was so genuine about not caring about the movie or the purchased tickets or the waiting friends... he really did view it as a quality way to spend time together and was purely amazing about it. All I could think was "I need to have this person in my life forever." In times of stress or worry or embarrassment, there he will always be making me laugh and shining a positive light on everything around me.
I will have the best life imaginable.
When its the right person, its just .....easier. In any other relationship I was ever in, there was so much more friction. They were all too hard. My relationship with my husband just felt so much more right than any other one....other reasons, besides love (which is a biggie!) is that you have common values and goals, mutual trust and respect, support each other's dreams and goals in life, have fun together and laugh a lot,and that you don't want to change each other. But there is also just that thing that is indescribable where you feel like true partners in life and are excited about the prospect...
I really tried in prior relationships to WANT to marry the guy, but you can't really convince yourself of it...you either do or you don't....
@janna- right on about the "easier" thing! I was almost distrustful of our relationship for so long BECAUSE it was so easy! My last relationship was so much drama all the time. We were constantly fighting to be together. Fighting our parents, fighting our schedules, fighting the military (you will lose this battle)... it all seemed very romantic because it was so much WORK to stay together. Until it wasn't romantic anymore and it really just blew. With FI it was easy and wonderful. We were happy and things were good and our families were (mostly) cool, we wanted the same things, our jobs fit perfectly, everything just.... worked.
he wasn't mad when i puked in his car. he freaks out about his car, but when he was taking me to the er with a migraine, i couldn't help it, i puked (into a bag, but still, it was in his car!) and all he did was rub my back and tell me it was ok. that's when i knew it was love!
I want to grow old with him and share my life with him forever. We got together having been friends and looking out for each other and realising there may be something more. He's the first person I want to tell stuff to, I love him exactly as he is.
I'm not very eloquent at this. I just KNOW. I found him and realised what all the fuss in dating is about. I found him and knew I didn't have to go back out there to find anyone else to fit the bill as he would be perfect for me. There's a picture of us at a Ball where we barely knew each other. We look like we've been together for years, we just fit.
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Is he, the one? The forever type of love, grow old with, and more? Bee Ladies, are you truly with the one and how do you know? Stories, Clues or whatever you know, please and thank you?