Is her cover up telling??

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Is this a red flag? Should I do a better job of checking in with her and getting her to talk more about their relationship?

if this is how you made it sound and only has to do with political views, i see no need for you to check on her relationship.

Post # 4
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

@BlueBelle0927:  there are so many variables here.  Maybe A didn’t see the FB fight and is just going off of word of mouth from her DH. Maybe cussing/name calling isn’t a big deal to her/him and this type of discourse is just business as usual as far as they’re concerned.  I wouldn’t read into it too much,  FB isn’t the greatest medium of communication,  and if his behavior IS an issue in their marriage–that’s not really something you have any control over. 

Post # 5
4138 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Er, of it comes up again I would probably mention that I saw the swearing and name calling. In some groups of friends you have to call some topics “off limits”. I think if someone can’t keep their opinions civil, don’t discuss it. 

Post # 7
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Any time someone gets that charged about anything – even politics – I immediately think the person needs some interventions. Reminds me of my dealings with my in-laws – I’ve never seen people more eager to start drama on a web site (one of the reasons they also don’t think I use the site anymore ^_~). What this all amounts to:

1. If you have an opinion, understand that people will disagree with you. That’s okay.

2. If you see an opinion you don’t like, understand that you can disagree without being a jerkface. If you resort to jerkfacedom, you’re, well, a jerkface.

Alas, your husband’s married to a jerk and she chooses to defend her jerk. Some people are simply more expressive when online, but from how you describe things, it sounds like his behavior is a global personality trait and unless he’s ramming the “right” opinion down the throats of everyone around him, he’s pissed off. There’s nothing you can do in that way, and I highly doubt that your cousin is ignorant about her husband’s behavior. Rather, I suspect she’s fully aware and she goes about downplaying his behavior as part of damage control.

You can do nothing but be a shoulder to cry on as things go forward. Anything other than that and you do risk having the shitstorm brought on you.

Post # 9
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Obviously, this guy is a jerk.  That being said, not all jerks are abusive, verbally or otherwise and not all jerks are also jerks to their close loved ones (some reserve that for everyone else).  If I were you, I’d feel it out next time I talked to her though, just for your own piece of mind.  If you find out later, you’ll feel awful for not knowing and saying something, even if it is to just be supportive. 

Post # 11
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@stephee:  +1  Yep.  He’s a jerk, but doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an abusive jerk.

For what it’s worth, if it comes up again, I’d probably gently ask if she actually saw the post in question, because you did (you can even say you went to look it up afterwards in curiousity) and explain that from yoru viewpoint, he was pretty un-civil.

Post # 12
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@BlueBelle0927:  … um…. who exactly was he referring to as “those people”…..

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