Post # 1
Basically my current boyfriend of nearly 15 months is my first serious relationship. I’ve had several bad first and second dates in the past and a couple of “almost-relationships” that were mostly unrequited and never led to anything meaningful. I’m 23, so it’s not like I’m 14 and I feel like I’ve experienced enough negative interactions with guys to know that what I have now is something amazing and healthy. We’ve discussed that we both want marriage somewhere down the line and I feel like we are definitely headed down that path if things continue the way they are.
However, I feel like there is such a negative stigma associated with first relationships and marriage. I’ve heard a couple of comments, mostly from my mother and stepfather, that I shouldn’t get married to my first boyfriend because first relationships aren’t serious and you’ve never experienced anything or anyone else. It’s like she doesn’t believe I can know what I want without having a couple of terrible relationships before finding the right one. But I think you can know something great without all that.
And I would have no fear of “missing out” on something better because I know my current boyfriend is so wonderful to me and we get along so well so far so I’d be lucky to call him my partner for life.
So I want to know what you ladies think! Do you think it would be a mistake to seal the deal on a great first relationship just because you haven’t had any others to compare it to? If your current SO were your first relationship ever, do you think you would have had reservations getting engaged/married?
Post # 2
No, it’s not a bad thing to marry your first serious boyfriend. It sounds like you’ve dated before him, so you have had experience with other men. You just KNOW what you want. But if you are actually worried about this, I would say that maybe you shouldn’t marry him… You don’t want to marry someone if you’re already thinking that you could be missing out on someone else.
I suggest taking your time. If you’re worried right now that you may question things in the future, you may not be worried in another year or two. Don’t rush. And if it’s just your parents getting into your head, the time may prove them wrong, as well.
Post # 3
That’s crazy. I’m marrying my first boyfriend. We’ve been together 3 years and lived together for two. I think it’s ridiculous to throw away an amazing relationship just because it was your first.
Post # 4
I think it is a two edged sword, in one way I can see what your mom and step dad mean. (I have had many relationships before getting married) and on the other hand if you feel like the person you are with is “the one” than that person is it. One can’t tell you what to do but your own heart. You have to have that struggle/conversation with yourself and the person you are with to know for sure.
No one on the internet or else wise can tell you if first relationships is good or bad because it is a mix of both. Some people it works and some it doesn’t
Post # 5
You have only been with this guy for 15 months so you have plenty of time to decide if this is a guy is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. When you found the one you just know it. It doesn’t matter if he is your first or you 100th boyfriend. When you know you know. My fiance is the one for me. I know this because I can’t picture my life without him in it. He knows me better than anyone has ever known me.
Post # 6
damarajade: I’m really not worried about missing out. I just dislike the comments from others that make it sound like my relationship can’t be serious because it’s a first one. But I think you’re right. Time will prove everyone wrong. I think taking my time is also smart. Thanks! 🙂
Post # 7
Other people wish they could be so lucky to find their partner on the first try. Sometimes two people just know, and that can be wonderful. I don’t think you necessarily have to rush into anything though. 23 is still quite young, though some people are able to make it work.
Post # 8
No it’s not a bad thing, and personally think it makes no sense.
I married my first boyfriend. We’ve been together for more than 5 years, married for a year and couldn’t be happier. After I got engaged, I found out that my best friend had said to a mutual friend that she couldn’t believe I was marrying him, that i knew nothing and shouldn’t marry the first guy I’d ever dated.
So.. by her logic, I should break up with him because I don’t know what I want? After 4 years? Isn’t that the most ridiculous thing? “I’m sorry, MrCallalily, but it’s not going to work out between us. You are my first boyfriend, and I”m your first girlfriend, so we should break up now to date other people.” It makes no sense.
My advice would be to take your time and not rush into anything. 15 months into my relationship, I knew he was the one. Heck, 6 months into the relationship we’d already started talking about marriage. We just weren’t in the right place – needed to finish school first. But I don’t know if I had married him then. I probably would have felt ready after 2 years of dating. I feel by then, I would have known him as well as I ever could.
There is absolutely no issue with marrying your first boyfriend, but there could be issues with getting married too fast.
Post # 9
gamerlover: Really nice to see that others have found success with a first relationship 🙂 Thanks!
Sassygrn: You’re right! Just wondering what others think. My parents seem very firm in their opinions. It’s sometimes nice to hear others say “it’s not a definite waste of time” Thanks!
Bored6: I agree! I’m in no rush! I love the way you describe your relationship with your FI. Very romantic. 🙂 Thanks!
Post # 10
I think it would be stupid to have a boyfriend you know is wrong, just so the first relationship doesn’t work out 🙂
Many times the first isn’t going to be right, but on occassion it will be and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Post # 11
MrsCallalily: Oh my goodness! That’s so great and the situation with your friend is so similar to my own. I also feel it’s senseless. I love that you have been with your husband for so long! Makes me feel super hopeful! Definitely not worried about marrying too fast. I plan on taking my time. 🙂 Thank you so much for your response.
craigslistgirl: I do feel very lucky. But I’m in no rush! Definitely still feel young and like I have plenty of time. Thanks!
Post # 12
Jeneexoxo: Only YOU know what’s right for YOU. I dated a LOT before finding my FI, and was engaged twice before (never married). I am thankful to have the experiences to know what I did/did not want in a husband, but I wish I had met FI first….would have saved us both a lot of heartache. I do agree with PPs, take your time, be very honest with him and yourself about your life goals, and if it all works out, great! It’s just stupid to say that a first serious relationship can’t be forever!
Post # 13
I married my first boyfriend too! We met when we were 19 and didn’t get married until 27. I was worried at first that people would judge me, or we would feel like we were missing out (he had only 1 girlfriend before me). I eventually realized that a)who gives a sh*t, b)all I’m “missing out on” is a bunch of lame dates, weirdos, and not-quite-right people, and c)I’ll get to spend more time than most people with the right person!
It’s your life, your partner, your happiness that matters!
Post # 14
I consider my FI to be my first “real” relationship because it extended out past high school and we’ve had the opportunity to grow together.
I was in a long-term relationship before him, but I barely got to see my ex because we went to different schools, his mother wouldn’t drive him anywhere, and all the pressure was on me to see him, and even though I was only a year older, he seemed like such a kid all of the time. He lated dumped me because he felt he was missing out on other women, and it turns out he had cheated on me with three other girls and guess what? WE ALL SHARED THE SAME FIRST NAME. Guess that ensured he didn’t call me another name by accident
I am my FI’s first real relationship as well, since two girls he saw prior to me were either short-term or he only dated casually.
Here we are, almost four years later together, and we’re getting married in either Winter 2015 or Spring 2016 and although we’ve had ups and downs, we are still happy and we continue to date each other and discover new things about each other.
Time really does tell all, and so far time has only strengthened our relationship with one another. At no point in our relationship did we feel the need to see other people or that we were missing out, even though my mother thought we were settling for each other.
Although it’s cliche, we complete each other. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone else but yourself. You and your boyfriend just need to be happy with each other and keep your relationship healthy. 🙂
Post # 15
It was a bad idea for me (met at 16, married at 24, divorced 4 years later), but it isn’t true for everyone. I think some people need to play the field and some don’t. (My ex did, and i dont think he knew that about himself until he was in his late 20s.)