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I'm in the same boat. I had NO idea FI was proposing even though we had been together for five years at that point.
I was completely surprised as well. But a guy that will dare to propose when he's ready without knowing for sure the girl is ready and without just bringing it up in conversation is pretty rare I think.
But, a lot of the girls with the time frame in my mind have already had proposals. When their guy said, I want to marry you, lets get married - to me no matter how casual the conversation it's a proposal.
I hope it's not! I love the romance of the surprise proposal. To me, the timeframes seem so forced.
When FI proposed to me I knew it was coming but not when. It was still a total shock!
my guy surprised me! we were just talking about that. he asked me when we were dating for 11 months, and while i was ready, i was trying not to think about it until after we got past our year anniversary because i thought he would wait until then. if at all.
Personally, I hate surprises. Plus SO wanted to make sure that we were both ready for that kind of committment before he popped the question. (I think part of him feared that I would say NO!) So we have had a few conversations about when the best time was for us.
That being said, there is something totally romantic about it being out of the blue, and I deff don't think that surprise proposals are a thing of the past.... I just don't like the idea of it!!
I think as a person who married their high school sweetheart 7 years later, it was pretty much assumed that we were going to get married one day, but we had no real timelines (other than we would like to wait until we are at least 25), so I was completely surprised.
I think about 6 months before we got engaged I told him I was officially ready when he was, but it was really up to him. For all I knew he could have waited until we were 30. I wouldn't have cared because he knew I was ready, and I in no way wanted to pressure him into anything. In the 7 years we dated, we probably brought up marriage only a handful of times. Again, we just knew it would happen one day when we were both ready, so no need to bash it into the ground.
I also think I would have missed out on being really surprised if we talked about it all of the time. I had absolutely no idea he was even looking for a ring, or that he was remotely close to being ready. I know a lot of people on here love to figure out when he is going to propose and to discuss it nonstop with their SO's, but that is just not us, and I would have been really sad if I weren't 100% surprised. To me it just seems so much more romantic.
I hope it's not a lost art form!
It's so ironic that i was just having this conversation with my co-worker today. If he gives you a timeline of when he's going to propose, i say that's your proposal. I don't get it when my FI proposed to me it was to be a surprise, if i wasn't so nosey and snooped, but that's besides the point, it was a surprise. He didn't say oh sometime next summer i'll propose. I love the romanticism of the surprise proposal.
I had no idea my husband was going to propose!! I actually wasnt even sure if he was ready to get married yet! I had known for the past year that I was, but I was waiting for him to be ready, and I guess he was!
I agree. I had NO idea. I like that it was a suprise. I mean I figured it would come before Christmas '09 but I had no idea it was gonna be in Feb.
I always refer to it as HIS proposal cuz to be honest all we do is stand there & cry.
My proposal was a complete surprise - I mean I had suspected it because he is horrible at keeping things from me but he never told me he was looking for a ring, never told me he had a ring, told me that he would be ready in about 2 years (then 3 weeks later proposed). So, to answer your question, NO the surprise proposal is not a lost art form! And to be honest I had never heard of people setting timelines or knowing that their SO had a ring until I came on weddingbee
Personally I think the timeframe of, "It'll happen before ___" is not cool in my book. I did know my FI would ask me because we openly discussed marriage and stuff, but after the initial ring shopping to see what I liked I had no idea. I still think it was wonderful and I was still surprised and cried my eyes out when he asked me. He also asked my dad for his blessing, which I had never mentioned he needed to do or my family thought it was what he should do before asking me. I had never really thought about that part because my dad never said he needed to give his blessing first (like some dads). When I found out he did though it was extra sweet and I cried again. :)
I'm a control freak who LOVES surprises.
Which makes it hard. I don't ask about a timeframe or shove pictures of rings in his face. But secretly, I'm dying to show my SO this: http://www.iapetus.co.uk/store/product/6099/hammered-18ct-gold-ring-with-25pt-diamond/
I wonder if there's a telepathic engagement language....
When FH proposed to me we'd been dating for over 3 years and have already discussed marriage, etc. And little did i know that 5 months prior he had already spoken with my ENTIRE family to get their blessing and my dad gave him my grandmother's ring. Between then and the proposal, we went away 3 times. Once to Germany (my bro lives there), Colorado to ski, and DC...each time the ring traveled with and I had no clue. He told me he was just waiting for the perfect time.
I think the proposal windows and timelines are a by-product of our modern attitude toward delaying marriage. In the past people got married earlier and with less fanfare. So maybe there was also less to-do with the proposal. You would go out for a set amount of time, decide to get married, announce it, and then get married. If there was a proposal, it might have been a surprise because they hadn't talked much about marriage before that point. Because for a proposal to be a true surprise, the couple has to not have already talked a lot about marriage. Now that we date much longer and wait til much later on average to marry, a couple may be together for 5 years before marriage, giving them ample time to discuss it. We also have more egalitarian attitudes toward gender roles marriage wherein the couple may decide together to get married rather than the man deciding on his own and proposing to the woman.
I think chelseamorning is right on.
Personally, I don't think I would say yes to a true surprise proposal. It is too big of a decision to be made quickly on my part, and alone on his part. Not knowing the time or place is one thing, but not discussing marriage before is another, IMO.
I think if DH hadn't gotten deployed and we weren't LDR (but you know, lived in the same city/house like a normal couple, haha) I'd have just let it all be and chilled out. But the deployment and jazz sorta makes you sit down and plan out your future together. Including marriage.
I agree with Chelseamoring. My FH and I dated since we were in highschool and thru college. I would be hard a proposal to be a surprise when you 1. have had a lot of time to discuss the future and 2. have been with someone for so long that you know them well enough to know when it is coming.
Now the actual proposal was a surprise because I didn't expect it to happen at that moment (he caught me off guard) or that day. But I knew that he would be proposing in the near future because we discussed it and he was in a place in his life that he wanted to be at before he proposed.
Mine was a complete surprise... Everything was so over the top... I didn't know what to expect when he asked me.
I was also loopy from major jet lag (we got home from Germany 2 days before he asked me) and pink champagne.
I forgot to answer your question.
I don't think that it is a lost art form. I think it is changing with the times. People are going about things a different way. Plus, I think that with the economy, people have to wait longer than they probably would have so that may be a reason for timelines.
Let me clarify that I knew we would get married someday, but the actual engagement/proposal came out of thin air. We had definitely discussed marriage and were both committed to each other and on the same page. But there were no timelines or anything.
It seems to me hat the longer a relationship is, the less 'patience' we ladies tend to have. Am I right here? If I've been with someone for say.. 8 years, I might get impatient and start asking questions about our future. Maybe a timeframe is discussed. Or maybe *I* propose to HIM.
Some truly surprised bride-to-be's might be those who have dated for less time. Or maybe they're the lucky bunch who don't have a marriage mindset (i.e. haven't been dreaming about their wedding day since childhood; haven't been poking around on sites like this one even though they aren't engaged, etc).
We dated for around 3-4 years before he proposed........man was it a suprise! It made it that much more special. I wouldn't have want to know that it was coming and I like the fact that he picked out my ring all by himself. It was very special!
I will be the first to admit that I was 100% clueless that he was proposing, even as it was happening! I had no idea it was coming!
I was surprised, too! I don't think it's a lost art.. i think that we as a society just try and plan every little thing, and what fun is that?? I'm glad it was a surprise - I had thought about it our whole relationship and known I would marry him, so i didn't have to think on the spot.
Well, I have two stories that sort of conflict with the idea of the traditional surprise proposal.
1. My ex boyfriend and I had talked vaguely of marriage, but there was no time frame, no picking rings together, no anything like that. One summer day he asked me if I wanted to go see a show in NYC that winter, and I said, let me guess -- you are going to propose in front of the Rockefeller tree? Indeed, that was his plan. And I swear, it was totally out of the blue, but that was the problem, it was TOO out of the blue for it not to mean more. And I had been begging him to go see a show and go skating the winter before, so for him to ask in like July tipped me off that something was up. Needless to say I ruined his surprise but it didn't matter because we broke up before he could replan something else.
2. My FI and I talked specifically about getting engaged. We went shopping together to pick a ring. I thought for sure he could not surprise me because I was expecting it. Nope, he caught me totally off guard. I figured it out after we got to where he wanted to propose so about 1 minute before he got down on one knee. So, yeah, I was realllllly surprised.
So, it just goes to show that one need not compromise on surprise and planning.
When my boyfriend proposed it was a complete and utter surprise to me, so that probably makes my comments a little biased. :) Like others here, I thought I was so smart that I would know if it was coming soon, but he totally blindsided me. His entire family knew, my entire family knew (for months!) and no one breathed a word. It was incredible, shocking, wonderful and so very special. When I moved in with him last year we had a very brief discussion that we were both thinking marriage (otherwise I would have kept my apt.) So I guess technically I knew it was coming someday, assuming we kept getting along! But I wasn't in any hurry, so it really wasn't on my radar screen.
So it's been odd hearing from two different couples I know how an elaborate proposal had been made, even though the wedding was already being planned well before. A guy friend of mine when asked directly said he and his fiancee weren't engaged because he hadn't proposed. Yet she was *wearing* the ring they picked out, she had bought a dress, set a date and rented a space. But she also expected a "surprise" proposal, which just struck me as weird. The other couple had picked out a ring, had an engagement photo shoot, and decided on a date and vendors, but the female of the couple was in tears for weeks because he hadn't *really* proposed yet. I can't understand how a couple can be actively planning a wedding, and still think a traditional proposal is needed to make it official. You're already engaged! As always, opinions may vary.
I was surprised. . I knew it was coming but I had no idea when. He actually made it sound like it was anytime soon. I loved it :)
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I keep reading more and more posts on here of women who think they know when their SO is going to proposed or that their SO has given them a timeframe, i.e. the end of July, etc. And this is perfectly fine but what ever happened to the surprise proposal?
Perhaps I'm completely old school on this. When my FH proposed to me last May, I was NOT expecting it, he never stated a timeframe and was completely surprised.
Is this type of proposal becoming a thing of the past?