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A shower is typically thrown for you. I think you shouldn't have to host it yourself.
FWIW, when I've been a BM, I've ALWAYS helped contribute to the shower - not just the MOH throwing it.
Maybe you could draft an email to the other bm's for her and ask for help paying for the party, and then maybe you can pitch in if necessary. No, you shouldn't have to help, but it is nice of you to do so that way they are not as burdened.
Maybe your mom and the BM's would help her out with the cost.
She needs to talk to the other girls. I have been in umpteen weddings at times in my life when I was living pay check to pay check and we always pulled something nice off for the bride. No way should you be paying!
my mom wont be helping... she doesnt understand bridal showers, baby showers, bacholerette partys she also doesnt understand why we are not having her cater our wedding. lol im kinda breaking tradition this time around because i want a ballroom reception and all my siblings have gotten married in a church and had the reception in the fellowship hall gym of the church and had family make the meal- potluck buffet style.. we did that for my first wedding (age 18) and it was okay. but i had no say in anything.. this time around i am allowed to make choices.
she doesnt want to go to my first dress fitting... it will be a miracle if she doesnt cancel her mob dress appointment..
I agree that the cost could be shared by the bridal party.
I know everything has a cost but I don't think a shower needs to be an expensive, extravagant party. A potluck could work - some tea sandwiches, sweets, punch, sangria etc...
oh for the bridal shower i am completely in the dark bout what is going on with food or anything. i just wanted opinions about paying for it she said she will get the girls to help do the physical work but doesnt want to ask them for $
@asianyoushi: if she doesn't want to ask them for money, then she will end up footing the bill. I'd let her do it and just stay quiet.
I don't think it is a terrible no no for you to help cover some costs, it is your party afterall. But she should confront the other BM about it first. I am with @AirForceWife78: even in college as a completely broke bridesmaid I have been asked to contribute, it might not be much but it can always help. It also might be good to let her know that you do not expect her to go all out on the shower if she is planning something too large or more expensive than necessary.
thanks girls. hopefully she will ask girls to help a bit in the money department.
For the bridal shower, see if she could delegate tasks to each of the bridesmaids. And if your fiance's family wants to help, they could. I don't think you should pay for that. Maybe have each person bring a dish and/or buy something. That way it's spread out. It's not just your MOH who has to do everything. Hope that helps =]
Is it wrong to offer to help? No, of course not. Traditionally the bridal party helps but there are always exceptions. I'd just tell her that it needn't be anything fancy.
@asianyoushi: Maybe we do showers a little differently up here. What other than the food has a cost?
My friend's shower was hosted at her mother's home and we had some food, played some games, socialized and watched her open her gifts. Other than a few small prizes, there didn't seem to be much cost associated with it.
@AlbertaBride: the location is gonna be an expense, food and drinks. prizes for games, invites, decor. i dont know what all she has planned. she really hasnt said what she had thought up to me. i dont even think she has asked the other girls for their thoughts..
location is gonna be an expense because r there isnt a home big enough to accomadate the female guests from both families and then the friends. i am going to try to talk to my pastor about getting the church space for the party but not sure. the two locations she has inquired bout said 100-150 dollars for just the space..
It doesn't need to be expensive. I've been to lots of showers that were just at someone's house, and it doesn't even need to a whole meal. Just appetizers and a few door prizes. How expensive could that be?
@asianyoushi: Do you need to invite all of the female guests? I'm not inviting all of mine (and I haven't been invited to one for every wedding I've attended). Maybe if you cut the list somewhat there will be space to hold it in a home?
What if she delegates certain things, and their cost, to other members of the bridal party? Put one in charge of buying invites, another in charge of alcohol, etc.? Would that make her more comfortable than flat-out asking for contributions?
I few years ago I was MOH and in a similar situation. Out of three BM's her sister was the only one who was really financially secure. We held a small bridal shower in my apartment, mostly for friends (her FIL's threw her another shower for mostly them and people in her hometown and her family mostly lived out of state). It was a fun little event and she really enjoyed it. I reused decorations from my mom or aunts wedding that my mom had saved and we just had a few short games. For favors I mad small cakes for everyone to decorate and take home. Her sister took care of the food and cake.
SO it is defiantely possible to throw a shower on limited means. I would throw the girls some low cost ideas.
If they have financial burdens, there is always a alternative way to do it.
If you don't want to go crazy, you can always have the party as a local restaurant and have lunch together...open gifts and call it good. That way all the guests pay for their own meals.
Have a potluck and have each guest bring a dish/treat. Decor really depends on your theme and you don't have to go all out. Invite can be done via Evite, no money cost.
If you are expecting something big, then I think it would be nice to offer the help. If the BMs are your good friends, you probably have an idea how they stand financially. Then you can suggest appropriate setting for the shower to MOH and have MOH coordinate with them.
I think the bottom line is you want everyone have a good time without putting a huge financial burden on your girls. They are not obligated.
@lamkky: I've been to several showers in restaurants and they have always been paid for by the host. If you expect people to pay for it (which, I think is rude... "here, come to this party, and pay for your meal!") then be sure to notify or hint to people.
In today's world you should not expect your bridesmaids to throw and fund your shower. IMO. If you can financially afford to help then you should. Putting your MOH in a tight financial situation is def not the right thing to do.
When someone agrees to be in your wedding party it is pretty well known they are expected to pay for their own dress, shoes, sometimes accessories and that they will split the cost of the shower and bachelorette party. This person chose on her own free will to be in your wedding and another knowing the above things. She should be asking the other girls for help. You shouldn't have to feel obligated to help but you could help pay for a part of their dresses or something like that instead. This isn't your fault!
And like one PP said it doesn't have to be an extravegant event! I went to a shower that was later in the afternoon...they had some finger foods and cupcakes and few decorations. For the bachelorette party (I wasn't in the bridal party) all the girls who came contributed.
When I was a bridesmaid, we each put in for the party. We each voulinteered to bring something and it was a group thing. I think she should even just ask them to bring something that is needed, like if snacks are needed get them to bring a meat and cheese tray or maybe some decorations. She should not have to carry the entire burden of the cost. But at the same time neither should you.
Unless the bride is demanding something extravagant (It doesn't sound like you are) If you were demanding something like 3 ice sculpture swans and I was in your bridal party I would make you front the cash for that, but the rest I would expect us and the bridesmaids to cover lol.
im paying for half of 4 girls dresses. one girls dress i paid the entire total- she is my 16 year old niece. paying for their jewelry for the wedding day. still looking into the beauty part of the day.
im going to ask my pastor if we can use the church so it may not cost anything or alot less then the price quotes she has been getting...
If you are already contributing to all of that then they really should foot the bill for the party.
@asianyoushi: wow! I definitely would not expect you to put in a cent towards the shower. Get your moh to contact the other girls or contact them your self. You are putting a ton in already and I thinkit would be fair enough for them to throw you a shower.
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i thought i posted this but i cant seem to find my thread... anyways my moh called me today complaining bout finances and taxes . and she changed subject to bridal showers.. she is moh in two weddings this year. one is a destination wedding in the fall. my wedding is local in the begining of summer.. well i asked if she would want me to help pay for items. she didnt say no but she didnt say yes. she feels uncomfortable asking the other girls in the bridal party because they probably are in the same finacial state. is it okay to help pay for your bridal shower??