Post # 1
So I had originally not wanted to have any bridesmaids but I ended up choosing three of my close friends because my wedding is going to be much bigger than the original simple event I had wanted.
Now, I have never really had a best friend and these 3 girls are all close friends of mine. I just cannot pick one over the others to be the maid of honor. So is it necessary to have a MOH?
Post # 3
@DesertLady: No, it is not necessary to have a MOH. In many jurisdictions however, you are required to have two witneses sign the official record, so at some point you may have to single out someone. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a member of the wedding party, although generally it is.
Check the law where you live.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I had two matrons of honor for the same reason, I didn’t want to have to choose. Someone’s going to holding your bouquet during the wedding, and you may need one to witness something (one signed my church’s confirmation of the wedding), but otherwise, they can all have the same “level” of responsibility.
Post # 5
For a little while, FI and I considered not doing a BM/MOH. For the MOH duties, I was just going to have my girls split the duties. There really isn’t much to do for the MOH anyway – I’m not having a bridal shower and my bachelorette is going to be at the resort at my DW so I’m essentially planning it myself. Those are the two traditional MOH roles, so my MOH really is just helping me with planning decisions. But, even if I were going to have those two events, I would epect the other BMs to help the MOH out – so if I didn’t have a MOH, I would just delegate the duties out to the girls (I probably would have sent an email out asking them to split amongst themselves the duties).
Post # 6
No – in fact I didn’t. I just called both my girls bridesmaids. I didn’t like the extra level of “hierarchy” of setting one girl above the other(s). Even if one girl gets extra prominence or responsibilities (e.g. I had the same girl stand closest to me, hold my bouquet, sign the register), there’s no need to give her a different title.
Post # 7
It’s only necessary to have a bride and a groom, an officiant, and in some cases witnesses. Of course you don’t need to distinguish by title. You can divide up the requests, for example, one BM holds your bouquet, another straightens your train or holds the ring etc.
Post # 8
Ah, what a relief to know that I am not alone in my thinking. I was speaking to a friend this past weekend who is not one of my BMs and she was asking me who my MOH is. When I said I did not have one, she seemed quite taken aback, lol. It made me feel like some sort of wedding etiquette transgressor, hahaha!
As for the planning, FI and I are doing pretty much everything. My BMs and I each live in a different town so it is not feasible to have them help plan everything.
We will be doing a registrar wedding before the church ceremony but I will probably ask my sisters to be the witnesses for that.
Post # 9
@weddingmaven: That was my plan all along. To just give each lady a list of duties for the wedding and let that be that.
Post # 10
Nope! I did because she was helping more with wedding stuff but really they were are all the same level of closeness to me so I completely understand not wanting to pick one as “higher” than the others. Just have bridesmaids.
Post # 11
I’m not having a MOH. I only have two BMs and they’ve both been there for me for a long time, so I think they would both be offended if I chose one over the other.
Post # 12
- Wedding: September 2015 - North NJ
When the time comes, I do not plan to have any BMs or GM at all. If I end up having some, I will not have a MOH. I don’t believe the hierarchy can truly occur without hurting someone’s feelings (unless you only have one sister and choose her, because most friends understand family comes first).
Post # 13
I’m not having a MOH. I recently had a major falling out with my 2 bridesmaids, so now they are not attending my wedding. I chose my 2 next closest friends as bridesmaids and I can’t pick between them, so we are having our brother and sister as our witnesses.
Just to add: I’m not a bridezilla, the falling out was over the fact that neither of them ever contact me, I was always chasing them up, and they were extremely upset about the fact that I wouldn’t pay for their accommodation (both are interstate).
Post # 14
I didn’t have a MOH. I also had 3 BMs. One stood next to me and held my bouquet. One signed the marriage license (in the UK this is part of the ceremony). And the third made the speech.
It worked very well and all were fine with the division of duties (I did ask their opinions; I didn’t just assign them).
Post # 15
I had no bridal party whatsoever. No moh, no maids, no bm, no men. No ring bearer, no flower girl, no ushers, no nothing. Everything went perfectly and I had zero drama.
Post # 16
@Bearimbolo: I totally understand that. I am also one who believes that if you always have to make the effort and ‘chase’ people in relationships, then it is completely one-sided and needs to be evaluated for the priority I place on that relationship e.g. not having you as a BM.